Wen 丨 Pisces, The Last Little North
There is an ancient Chinese poem:
Confidant in the sea, the end of the world is like a neighbor.
In this life, the most rare thing is not the success of the career, but a caring confidant.
With the development of society, the pressure to survive gradually increases, many words can not find the right person to say, many things can not find safe people to help.
And because of the innate mutual attraction between men and women, confidants of the opposite sex often become a very important way for adults to relieve stress.
However, the "confidant" of the opposite sex, although a good way to relieve pressure, is also the most dangerous relationship.
The relationship is too close and easy to get angry, too far away and lose its meaning.
It takes both men and women to be equally wise and restrained in order to maintain a good "confidant" relationship of the opposite sex.
To put it bluntly, it is that in the process of getting along between men and women, there must always be an invisible sense of boundary, and once this boundary is crossed, the relationship will also cross the boundary, and the confidant will no longer exist.
01: Over-sharing
The reason why the "confidant" of the opposite sex can become a confidant is that they can share each other's lives without pressure, and they will not be blamed or feel pressured.
However, sharing is also boundary.
Once over-sharing, it will push both sides to the edge of danger, easily crossing the line.
There is a saying:
It is difficult to have pure friendship between men and women, but anyone who can maintain a long-term confidant relationship has more or less a like component in it.
This is not absolute, but it makes perfect sense.
Once one party shares too much in the process of talking and tells the other party things that should not be exposed to the other party, it may destroy a relationship.
There is a saying that smart women will not tell others about how much money they have in the family and what shortcomings their husbands have.
But some "stupid" women, but try to be happy for a while, do not go through the brain, a spit is fast.
If the "confidant" of the opposite sex is of relatively high quality, nothing will happen.
If the "confidant" of the opposite sex is of poor quality and turns around and tells others, it will bring irreparable losses to itself.
By that time, it was too late to regret it.
Girlfriend Xiaojun is such a "silly" woman, her husband is doing business, she inadvertently told her boyfriend the number of her husband's assets.
Who knew that the male girlfriend took the opportunity to tell her husband's competitors about this matter, resulting in her husband directly losing the tender for a large project.
As the old saying goes, "Evil comes out of the mouth."
In fact, no matter what age you are, no matter what kind of relationship you talk to, you must have multiple eyes and eyes, and you can't say anything.
Because people are unpredictable, you never know how much a single sentence can destroy.
02: Excessive jokes
All the jokes contain a little bit of truth in it.
Therefore, many words, although they are jokes, cannot be over-opened.
And this degree needs to be grasped by both parties themselves.
Once it is excessive, jokes are not only not jokes, but also a scourge.
I have watched a TV series, the host and the hostess are a loving couple, the hostess also has a male girlfriend, and the relationship between the two people is very good.
So good that even three people often play in the wild and party together.
But one day, the man was suddenly hit by an iron tool while working in the company, and after more than half a year of treatment, people were completely better.
However, it is a waist injury, which directly leads to some obstacles of the hero.
The heroine inadvertently told the male girlfriend about this matter, and the speaker had no intention of listening to the heart.
At a certain party, when the heroine was not present, the male girlfriend actually joked with the hero about it.
Originally, the hero has always felt guilty about this matter for his wife, and as a result, this incident directly led to the hero's madness.
Thinking that the two people secretly crossed Chen Cang behind their backs, they stabbed their male girlfriend on the spot.
In fact, no matter what the relationship, sharing should be measured.
For such a private matter that concerns the dignity of the hero, the male girlfriend actually jokes about it, and no one can stand it, and conflict is inevitable.
03: Excessive help
Psychologically speaking, the safe distance between people is 0.5 meters.
Beyond this distance, the relationship between the two people enters the intimate stage and undergoes qualitative changes.
In fact, it is the same to help others.
Know how to stop in time.
However, many people often do not understand this truth, and feel that between confidants, of course, the more help, the better.
Actually, it's not.
Because people have their own security cognitive range, once they cross the security cognition, it will make the other party feel uncomfortable.
I remembered the story of my college classmate Hideko.
When she was in college, Hideko in the same dormitory was 175 tall, had short hair, liked sports, and was a very handsome tomboy at first glance.
And she herself, she also likes to play with boys, play basketball, play soccer, and is automatically recognized as a "genderless" girl.
The class leader Xu Hua and her have a particularly good relationship, both of them are tall, and from the back, they are two handsome boys.
Later, the squad leader had a girlfriend, and the three of them were together every day, eating, playing ball, and going out to skate, just like two handsome boys accompanied by a beautiful girl, which was very enviable.
But the good times did not last long, and Hideko was scolded by the girlfriend of the squad leader.
The reason is that Hideko bought cold medicine for the squad leader in the middle of the night and sent it to the dormitory.
Before the squad leader didn't have a girlfriend, Hideko often did this, and didn't feel anything.
But the squad leader now has a girlfriend, and she is still like this, and she really feels that she is overly helpful and forgets her position.
04: Xiao Bei has something to say
There is nothing wrong with friends helping each other, but between the opposite sex, if it is excessive help, especially if the other party has a partner, there will often be a misunderstanding.
You think that the other party will not be jealous, you think that the other party can generously accept your "confidant" of the opposite sex, in fact, this is just your wishful thinking.
You never ask your partner if he/she can accept your opposite sex "confidant".
You also never seriously tell your partner why you became a "confidant" of the opposite sex with each other.
We all know that the so-called confidant is a very good friend, the same three views, there are many topics to talk about, but it is precisely because of the "gender difference", so it will lead to two people between easy to be criticized.
The opposite sex "confidant" can have, but you must keep a certain distance from each other, do not overly court each other, and do not care too much about each other, especially if you have a partner.
Because, between the opposite sex, the probability of pure friendship is really too low to imagine!
05: Conclusion
In the vast sea of people, not everyone can be fortunate to have a confidant of the opposite sex.
Having a confidant of the opposite sex is fate, but it cannot be sought.
However, we should better grasp the scale of communication between confidants of the opposite sex, otherwise, a little excessive, it will be easily lost.
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About the Author:
Su Xiaobei, a young writer and marriage counselor, has been engaged in psychological counseling for 13 years and has a wealth of experience to help you solve your questions. If you have a problem and don't know how to solve it, you can ask me a question and look forward to your consultation and message.