Think of originality, infringement must be investigated.
Why don't your children obey?
Today's children really have a big temper and can't help but collide with their parents.
I don't know from the geometric time, the oral transmission of parents in front of their children seems to be no longer the "golden rule", and the children are willing to listen to a few perfunctory words, and if they are not willing to listen, they will slam the door and come out.
As parents who are willing to give everything for the good of their children, what is wrong with our family education?
01 Common disease.
Children are disobedient, often because parents like to be reasonable too much.
Some highly educated families, especially teacher families, parents' favorite thing is to reason and lay out the facts, even at the dinner table, next to outsiders, often do not shy away from the floor face, in front of the children to play the prestige, but also in front of other parents to behave in a good manner.
Unfortunately, what children hate most is that their parents always put on a "morally beautiful" appearance, but they are not enough to serve as role models in words and deeds.
From the age of 12 to 18, that is, from the sixth grade of primary school to the third grade of high school, children began to have their own ideas, and they began to show more and more impatience with the words and deeds of their parents. Parents always feel that they should "get to the bottom of the source" and establish authority and authority in front of their children. But the growth of children is always full of accidents and recklessness, and they will not become more well-behaved and sensible than the children of other families because of the parents' long speeches and love for their children.
When the test score dropped, adults always felt that children should be ashamed and brave, at least they should pretend to be at home and read more books, but the children's thoughts were: "I have tried my best enough, and it is much better than other students to take the test." So he naturally just thinks about rest and relaxation. In this way, driven by the very different mentalities of children and parents, sooner or later the family will have a "big war" about mobile phones, exams and rest.
Is it that the child does not understand things? Most children like to get high scores and then show off in front of teachers and classmates and ask for rewards in front of their parents.
Is it that the child does not work hard? No, today's children have to stay in school for 10 hours a day, learn another three or four hours when they return home, and even take time to go to interest classes and training classes, no matter from which point of view, the child's fatigue level is not low.
Therefore, the rebellious performance of adolescent children actually has to find reasons from parents.
Love to be reasonable, uncreative, and eager to make quick gains, which is a common problem of modern parents.
Of course, the parents are older than the children, the position is higher than the children, the perspective of looking at the problem and doing things is more comprehensive than the child, and it is appropriate for the adult to decide on the child's academic development plan. But around us, you can see parents like this anytime and anywhere:
As long as the child raises objections, it is disobedient!
As long as the child interjects, bumps and is impatient in front of adults, he is ignorant!
As long as the child fails the exam, it is the child's incompetence!
It is conceivable that if parents hold such a mentality to educate their children, teenage children do not make a mess with you, it is not called adolescent rebellion!
Children of this age, physically and mentally and intellectually mature, have just formed their own views and judgments about the people and things around them, coupled with energetic, extreme personality, stubbornness and eccentricity... What is needed is not a long-winded truth at all, but a persecution and vigilance in real life.
In this case, you still have to reason with him, isn't it "playing the piano to the cow"?
02 Disappointed.
Behind the disobedient child, there is always an incomprehensible parent.
Or pay no matter what, but forget to stimulate the best emotions in the child's heart;
Or indifferent, planning to let the child "grow wildly", do not want to scold and do not bother to say;
Either it is a quick success, always influenced by the practices and decisions of other parents, completely unconscionable.
But in fact, if these parents are calm and rational enough, they will understand that the child's mind and growth is like a "container", if we are too tolerant and pampered, he will develop unfettered habits of words and deeds, see parents and colleagues and friends chatting, will also unscrupulously interject, rarely worry about other people's thoughts; if we are too harsh on the child's words and deeds, the child will form a restrained and introverted personality characteristics, not good at expression, not good at communication, whether it is academics or careers, It is easy to lose morale after the initial pride, in the repeated emotional friction.
Many adults do not realize that it is their love of reasoning, faithlessness, and quick success in front of their children that make children gradually become distrustful of their parents and do not love their families in life.
First of all, "love to reason" itself is not wrong, but in the child's young heart, it will feel that parents "want to replace my own reasoning with adult reasoning", and then feel offended and encroached upon. For the purpose of protecting and maintaining their "spiritual habitat", children will not hesitate to take out the "weapon" of rebellion, tears and school weariness to fight against the long talk of adults.
Besides, who likes to stand in the corner with their eyebrows bowed and listen to others?
Secondly, "words without faith" is a taboo in family education. Some time ago, there was a mother, said to buy a new mobile phone for the 15-year-old daughter, but also agreed that the child would make up 4,000 yuan, 2,000 yuan for herself, did not expect that this girl is also a cruel person, through part-time work, intercession and saving, hard at the end of the year and the beginning of winter to make up enough 4,000 yuan. However, on the way to buy a mobile phone, her mother changed her mind and parked the electric car on the street for strangers to judge and watch.
As a result, the little girl lost control of her emotions and collapsed on the spot, sitting in the back seat of the electric car and frantically slapping her mother again and again, being dragged from the back seat by strangers who were watching the liveliness, and also called the police.
Can you say that such an educational tragedy can completely blame the child?
I don't think so. Under normal circumstances, most people's emotions are stable and their emotions are pleasurable. As a parent, you need more sensitivity and subtlety about the process of children's emotional changes and spiritual growth, and you should also have a clearer and more objective understanding of the consequences of your own words and deeds.
As far as "refusing to buy mobile phones for their children" is concerned, parents are generally reluctant to spend money and worry about affecting their children's learning. As for buying or not buying, many parents may feel that no matter what kind of decisions and judgments they make, they should have their own rights and freedoms.
But the children will not think so, the girl will feel that since the mother promised to buy a mobile phone but did not believe it, hanging herself on the street to let strangers accuse, but also want to collect her hard-earned 4,000 yuan, this is a succession of "moral problems", not worthy of forgiveness.
And at the moment when the children have an emotional breakdown and lose their minds, what they think of is not that they are ignorant and disobedient, nor that they are grateful to their mothers for pointing out the direction for her, but:
"Why should I have such a mother, born in such a family?"
You see, the child has been completely disappointed and desperate for his parents and the family, and in the mother's head, he only thinks of the few thousand dollars.
03 Contradiction.
The main contradiction between parents and children is because of the rush for quick success.
The children mentally calculated their age, and vaguely felt that at any age they should learn something difficult. However, parents like "cramming education" the most, and always feel that if they let their children complete the courses before the middle school entrance examination and the college entrance examination as soon as possible, their own children can run faster and test higher than other people's children.
But the reality is that the more children who have received advanced education and preschool education, the more they feel that their follow-up is weak and their interest in learning is not high in the subsequent curriculum examinations. After all, the compulsory education curriculum planning formulated by the education department has been strictly demonstrated and considered by many parties. In other words, from elementary school, junior high school to high school, children of different ages should learn the curriculum knowledge of the corresponding school section according to the requirements and planning.
And those children who feel miserable in studying, doing questions and exams are often because of their parents' quick success and seedling-fueled education. In such a situation, if you skip school because of your child's grade regression and boredom, you feel that your child is disobedient, which is obviously "sloppy".
To be fair, the education of a "half-grown child" is not that you say I listen, you run after me, and you beat me badly, but that the child is treated as a person from the bottom of his heart, and correctly educates and cultivates the child on the basis of understanding his emotional situation, respecting his interests and hobbies, and being honest and sober.
In fact, behind any child who appears disobedient, ignorant, and uncompetitive on the surface has a lonely childhood, an indifferent parent, or an impulsive and blind family. Whether you are a junior high school student or a high school student, as a parent, the pressure and pain you put on your child at this moment will one day be eaten back by your child and fed back on yourself and your family.
You think that not letting the child play mobile phone is to help him protect his eyes and improve his grades, but you did not think that the child also needs to rest, and it is impossible to study 24 hours a day;
You think that if you let your child stop the game in your hand, throw away the collected cards, refuse the request of your friend, and the child will obey silently, there will be no worries.
You think that scolding if you don't learn, beating if you don't obey, and getting angry without arguing, this is the responsibility and right of being a parent, but you don't know why your child is angry with you.
But in fact, most children's requirements for parents and families are not very high.
At best, they need to have a relaxing leisure after studying, hoping that parents will not forget to promise their toy comics, mobile phones and tablets, and hope that there will be a pair of parents who are not very noisy and look harmonious and happy, and have a "personal space" that can occasionally bring classmates as guests, so that the little friends are particularly envious...
But it's that simple, and there are still many parents who can't do it. Not only can they not do it, but they also maintain the "fine tradition" of being reasonable, uncreative, and eager for success, making children irritable, irritated and miserable.
No wonder our children are always disobedient!