Author: 43rd Floor Editorial Office Abandoned Sick
Source: Mom.com Parenting (ID: mmwyuer)
"To let her husband accompany him is to force him to divorce"
Recently brushed a video, the heart can not be calm for a long time.
This video originated from an Internet celebrity @ Hot Mom Chen Xiaogui, who has more than one million fans on a certain platform, and she and her husband shared what it was like for her husband to accompany the birth on the day of her childbirth.
Chen Xiaogui said that the reason why she insisted on asking her husband to accompany the birth was because her husband was there, and she would be much more at ease. And the husband can witness the birth of their love crystal for the first time, which is a very happy thing.
Before she could finish speaking, the husband sitting next to her seemed to remember the scene again, and he interrupted his wife's words, and while waving his hands exaggeratedly, he said with disgust:
"As a person who came over, I told everyone that the man's endurance is really not so strong, so big a pool of blood, I will vomit on the spot!" I still have a blood halo needle. ”
The more he talked, the more he said, in his opinion, the day his wife gave birth to the child was quite relaxed, and he "sweated a little hard and did nothing."
He was different, pool after pool of blood gushing out from under his wife, such a bloody scene had made him sweat, and the doctor also asked him to cut the umbilical cord.
"A knife down, a whisper, that sound... Sigh, I'm talking about goosebumps falling to the ground now. ”
Immediately after, he gave the example of his friend, saying that the friend's wife asked her husband to accompany the delivery, and as a result, the doctor reached in front of him with his whole hand, and the bloody hand pulled out, and the friend, a big old man, cried on the spot.
For his own experience with friends, he summed up a truth to send to fans: "Letting her husband accompany the birth is equivalent to forcing him to divorce!" ”
As we all know, it is really a very hard thing for a woman to give birth to a child, the pain of the whole person as if it is split and sewn up and split again, and every woman who has given birth to a child is unforgettable, not as simple as he said in his mouth.
The woman who gave birth for him lay on the delivery bed, gritting her teeth and enduring wave after wave of pain, he felt "you exerted yourself, you sweated, you didn't do anything";
Seeing her bleed so much, the first thing was not to hurt her, but to feel "horrible, disgusting, and want to vomit." ”
Really chilling for his wife.
What people never expected was that chen Xiaogui all agreed with these so-called truths of his.
When her husband finished speaking, she continued to add: "When a woman gives birth to a child on the delivery bed, she has no image and no dignity, if a man really hurts you, he will hurt you if he does not accompany the birth, the essence of human nature and love is that I am lovely, he will love me more, rather than you giving birth to him a baby he loves you more." Therefore, do not let your husband accompany the birth. ”
Obviously, this wife gave her husband enough understanding and respect afterwards in the matter of her husband's accompaniment, but for the husband's so-called "letting her husband accompany the birth, it is to force him to divorce", many netizens have complained.
Although we can understand from chen xiaogui's position, it is a little angry when we think about it carefully.
After working hard to give birth to two people's children, the husband completely exposed his nausea and discomfort to the public in public, and the attitude was disgusted and giggling, I think anyone who has a little temper will definitely be sad and angry.
She thought she had given her husband enough respect and understanding, but she did not exchange even a little pity from him.
sorrowful.
In fact, the topic of "whether the husband should enter the delivery room to accompany the delivery" has always been hotly discussed by everyone.
Some people think that it should be, women are going to die in it and have children alive, shouldn't men accompany them?
Some people think it's useless, after all, they can't help much when they go in.
So do you want your husband to accompany the delivery?
After carefully understanding the experience of many people, we found that this problem is not as simple as "accompanying or not accompanying".
The idea of female compatriots
If I die, the last thing I want to see is you
For female friends, having children is really a very helpless thing.
Especially if you have never had the experience of having a baby, that means that you have to face the doctors and nurses alone, and face all the good and bad in the production process alone.
And once not so lucky, in the process of giving birth to an accident, probably many women hope that the last thing they see is the face that accompanies the day and night.
I once saw a question in Zhihu: Should I let my husband go in to accompany me?
Gao Zan replied, "Respect your husband's wishes." ”
At first, the husband of the respondent was afraid of shadows, and he also said that he would not accompany him, but then he saw that the respondent stayed in the delivery room for one night and one morning, and he could only come to accompany the delivery in a hurry outside.
With him there, the Answerer felt really good and at ease.
Without him, no one would feed her water and feed her, and press her stomach with the doctor;
Without him, no one would keep feeding her water when she was bleeding, and she might be in shock;
Without him, there would be no one around to tell her jokes and make her feel less nervous;
Without him, after the child is born, no one will take a picture of the child for the first time;
The main thing is, "If I die in the delivery room, I hope the last thing I see is him." ”
A woman is pregnant in October, and the most difficult time is to give birth. At this time, the husband can be with them, really more than anyone's encouragement can comfort them.
Jiang Chao and Medina filmed the entire production process in the variety show "Diary of a New Student".
Experienced friends know that before giving birth to a child, you have to experience the pain of contractions in childbirth, and the contractions continue to strengthen, and the pain gradually strengthens.
Medina was almost crushed by the pain of contractions, at this time, Jiang Chao was on the side to help her channel her emotions and cheer her up.
When the pain passed, he quickly fed his wife some food to replenish her energy, and did not forget to gently wipe Medina's mouth, and then quietly said something interesting to distract her.
At the most critical moment of Medina's birth, he was even more on the sidelines to cooperate with the doctor's countdown, holding Medina's hand to give her strength.
Later, recalling the scene in the delivery room, Medina said with emotion: "At that time, holding Jiang Chao's hand was particularly important. ”
Host Zhu Dan also said that when she was giving birth, her husband shouted countdown to her on Monday, and the louder he shouted, the stronger her sense of strength.
The director of the documentary "Shengmen" has said such a sentence: it is said that childbirth is a matter of husband and wife, but in fact, it is not, and it is the woman who really faces everything.
Behind the role of mother, women have to pay and bear too much.
Therefore, the importance of the husband's company at this time is self-evident.
Tu Lei said: "Specific behavior is true love. ”
How could a woman, if she did not love her husband deeply, be willing to die nine times and have children with him?
And to see whether a man loves this woman or not, it depends on whether he is willing to suffer with her at this time.
Perhaps the emotional soothing effect played by the accompaniment cannot be quantified, but to borrow the words of netizens: even if the man is not helpful at all, or even helped, but scolding him and pinching him, it also feels much happier.
The concerns of fellow men
"Fertility" is great, but the fertility process is not beautiful
Of course, we are not saying that those who do not accompany the birth must not be a good husband and a good father, but we hope that everyone knows that everything has two sides, just like the benefits brought by the birth are not necessarily benefits.
French birth expert Michel Auden once said bluntly: when women give birth, partners should stay away, and men should never accompany the birth.
Combined with his more than fifty years of experience in the delivery room, Mr. Auden has found that the presence of men in the delivery room is not always a positive thing.
After all, although fertility is great, the process of procreation is not beautiful.
It is no exaggeration to say that the entire fertility process is full of and farts.
Some netizens have shared their "social death experience" of giving birth to a child.
She said that when the contractions came, she felt that her whole stomach was so swollen and uncomfortable, like a huge constipation stuck in it.
Afraid of what comes, in the process of exerting force, netizens suddenly feel that something comes out from under the stomach, did not expect that it was not a baby, but...
What was even more embarrassing was that there were four doctors and midwives at the scene, and four pairs of eyes were brushing and brushing at her and kept pulling, her tears came out, and the most embarrassing moment of her life was broadcast live in front of four people at the same time.
Although after entering the delivery room, the doctor will explain that the force during childbirth is "like defecation", some women will use too much force to cause the urine to spray the entire delivery room.
And this awkward moment, I think most women don't want to be seen by their husbands.
Not only that, but some women need to concentrate during childbirth, while the husband is on the side so that they cannot concentrate on having a baby, resulting in double physical and mental suffering from prolonged labor.
Therefore, not all women want their husbands to accompany the birth, whether they need to accompany the birth, the first thing that needs to be consulted is the opinion of the mother herself.
Of course, some expectant mothers not only want their husbands to accompany the birth, but also give birth to the scene is too explicit, so that he has a psychological shadow, and even affect the future of the husband and wife sex life.
After reading a Weibo post by a mother-to-be, she said that in a pregnant woman group she was in, a mother was going to divorce her because her husband was present because she had a child, and there was a psychological shadow in the month.
Many netizens in the comment area have expressed their empathy, some netizens said: "Before giving birth, my husband kept serving me every day after his feet, but after giving birth to a child, he only returned home once a month or took clothes." I think the main reason is that after the birth, he may have a different feeling when he sees me. ”
Another netizen said: "After the birth, the husband is getting farther and farther away from me, and recently found that he found a young unmarried girl, we divorced, he said that he will not have children in the future, because the woman who has had children is really disgusting." ”
These personal experiences have undoubtedly dissuaded many expectant mothers.
In fact, leaving aside the man's own problems, our understanding of paternity is too simple, because paternity does not necessarily have to see a bloody scene.
A woman's childbirth can be divided into three stages of labour.
First stage of labour: cervical dilation. Refers to the period of time from the beginning of labor until the uterine orifice is completely expanded (10 cm), which is the longest and most painful stage of labor, generally the first time the first mother takes 11-12 hours, but it also varies from person to person.
Second stage of labour: fetal delivery. The whole process from the opening of the uterine opening to the delivery of the fetus, the maximum number of first pregnant women is not more than 2 hours, and the mother can usually complete it in a few minutes, generally not more than 1 hour;
Third stage of labour: placental delivery. From the delivery of the fetus to the delivery of the placental placenta, that is, the whole process of placental detachment and delivery, generally takes 5-15 minutes, and no more than 30 minutes without special circumstances.
And now there are full-time accompaniment and half-time accompaniment.
The whole process of accompaniment is that the husband is present from the first stage of labor to the third stage of labor, while the half-way of the dowry is only to accompany the wife in the first stage of labor (the whole period of the uterus opening), so that you can avoid looking directly at those bloody scenes.
And some hospitals will cover the underside of the mother when the whole process of accompanying the birth, as long as the husband accompanies the above.
Of course, everything depends on the psychological quality of her husband, but in principle, husbands in the following conditions are not recommended to accompany children:
Blood sickness
A while ago, someone shared on Douyin that a man in the process of accompanying labor, because he saw the blood gushing out from under his wife's body, he was scared and tearful, holding his wife's hand and crying: "I dare not look." ”
More fainting blood, directly "bang dang" fell to the ground, not only can not accompany the wife, and even caused a negative impact on the doctor's normal work, it is better to wait outside the delivery room.
There are high blood pressure, heart disease, colds and other diseases
The focus is on the word "accompaniment", and the important object of attention throughout the whole process is the mother rather than the husband. If there is an accident because it is difficult to accept some scenes for a while, the medical staff still has to rescue the husband, and the gain is not worth the loss.
Grumpy and unable to understand the doctor
The opening of the finger before childbirth is painful and long, from one finger to ten fingers, the mother can only rely on her own will to survive, at this time some male compatriots care about chaos, looking at the wife's pained appearance of anger attacking the heart, anger at the doctor and nurse, both affecting the wife's birth and disrupting the doctor's plan.
If you choose to accompany your wife to meet the birth of a new life, in addition to the above points, there is a lot for fathers-to-be to learn.
For example, when labor pain comes, patiently accompany his wife to use ramez breathing to help her deliver the baby more easily and quickly.
For example, prepare taurine-rich functional drinks, insert straws, and feed them to your wife between births to replenish the water she has lost.
For example, holding her wife's hand, giving her spiritual encouragement and support, and relieving her tense and painful emotions.
If the wife has nowhere to vent her anger because of the unbearable pain, then it is good to advise all male compatriots to be prepared to be beaten and scolded, after all, this is also a performance that depends on you.
In the book "Great Body Language", there is a saying that goes like this: "When a person has a good feeling for you, the body will subconsciously appear." ”
Indeed, what is wrong with a person is best known by his body language.
People who really love you, even if they have seen your most embarrassing appearance, still want to have a steady stream of intimate contact with you.
People who don't love you will only use "paternity" as an excuse for their cowardice, infidelity, lack of responsibility, or even a reason for divorce.
Is the delivery room a mirror for a man?
No, human nature is.
Remember, you also crawled out of your vagina.
After experiencing the paternity, the boy finally became a man in the child's cry.
After all, there is nothing more touching than being immersed, and making men more aware of what "responsibility" is.
But I also want to tell my female friends that "paternity" is not a way to test whether a man loves you, nor can it insure the marriage.
Respecting the partner who may be psychologically vulnerable is not a kind of protection for oneself?
Whether to accompany the birth, it is recommended that everyone leave the choice to the man, and do not have too high expectations. A good husband can feel your pain without entering the delivery room, and it is useless to have a poor birth.
If you don't love it, just say it, don't use the dowry as an excuse. Click [Share] + [Watching] to convey your paternity attitude!
More heartfelt articles
Petals