I remember Wang Han saying this: "Parents' hands are used to hug their children, not to beat them." ”
However, many parents in life can't help but be angry with their children, and even do something to their children. The egg mother is here to remind parents that children in the following 3 stages must not scold.
1
Children under the age of 3 cannot be beaten
Before the age of 3 is the most important period for children's psychological growth.
It is normal for children before the age of 3 to lack a sense of rules due to immature mental development. At this stage, the child's activities are mainly to meet physical needs, mainly a series of conditioned reflexes brought about by eating, drinking, pulling, sprinkling, and sleeping, which are unconscious.
Moreover, children in this age group are oscillating between autonomy and shyness and doubt. If the child is scolded at this time, not only does it have no warning effect, but also makes the child feel confused about his own behavior, and then feel ashamed.
In the long run, it will develop a timid personality and affect the child's psychological development.
Most importantly, how can a child under the age of 3 withstand the "slap" of an adult? Delicate skin, even if the hand is very light, it is easy to cause injury, especially the child's head, a slight collision, it is likely to occur concussion, affecting the development of the brain.
What should parents do?
What exactly can be done to control children without hurting their sense of self-control and autonomy?
First of all, it can be handled coldly, when the child is unreasonable, the parent can ignore him, and slowly, he will form a consciousness: this method of crying is useless.
Parents should never respond positively to their children's unreasonable teasing, which will allow them to establish a connection between their own crying and adults meeting their demands. Don't think that your child is too young to understand anything. This stage is the stage of their enlightenment to explore themselves and the outside world.
Parents can also use an angry expression to tell their children that this behavior is wrong. As mentioned above, don't think that children don't know anything, children at this stage have learned to look at the faces of adults and act. You write anger and anger on your face, and the child will stop when he sees it.
2
Children after the age of 6 cannot be beaten
After the age of 6, the child's sense of independence has been better developed, self-esteem has become stronger and stronger, and he begins to desire his efforts and abilities to be recognized and appreciated by parents and others.
At this stage, whether it is behavioral violence or verbal violence, it is easy to hurt the child's self-esteem, and it is likely to develop a cowardly and inferior personality with low self-awareness, which will adversely affect the child's interpersonal impact.
Moreover, during this period of scolding children, children can clearly remember their parents' attitudes towards themselves, not only forming a long psychological shadow, but also children will have a kind of learning, slowly growing into a person with a violent temper and a bad word to others.
In addition, Harvard Psychology professors have tested some children.
They found that when the child was 1 year old, imagination and creativity reached 96%, and as the age increased, it reversed at the age of 7. At the age of 10, the child's rich imagination and creativity disappeared, leaving only 4% of the original.
This is because children will suffer an average of 20,000 "injuries" in the process of growing up. Among them, the one who hurt them the most came from their parents.
Therefore, the scolding of parents can easily inhibit children's creativity and imagination, making them become afraid of their hands and feet, lack of curiosity and enthusiasm.
Children at this age can already understand the truth. First of all, we need to give the child the opportunity to speak and explain, to figure out what he thinks in his heart, why he is doing this.
When we think the child can't have a next time, look at him and seriously point out his mistakes. Be emotionally stable, speak concisely, and don't nag non-stop.
Many times, we are used to nagging with children for a bunch, but often we can't say anything. This not only can not make the child convinced, but also will produce an over-limit effect, so that the child has a rebellious psychology.
We must remember that we blame the child's behavior, not the child's behavior, and never criticize the child's personality or character. Let the child know that Mom and Dad are only dissatisfied with his behavior and have always respected and loved him.
Finally, we want to tell the child that although we have made a mistake, our love for him will not be reduced by the slightest. Criticism when a mistake is made has nothing to do with love or non-love. Corrected, this matter will be turned over, and the past will not be blamed.
3
Adolescent children cannot fight
Adolescent children are like ponies with horns, stubborn and prickly.
They do not want to be overly cared for by their parents, cannot stand the discipline of their parents, want to be independent, and always talk and get along with their parents in ways that parents do not like or are not used to, and confront them everywhere.
They are full of tension in their hearts, always want to flaunt their differences, wear new clothes, wear ear piercings, wear earrings, smoke... Sometimes it even makes the family restless.
In the face of such a child, many parents will not be able to help but slap it. Doing so will not serve any purpose, and he will feel that this is a serious violation of his own personality, resulting in a strong sense of resistance.
Adolescent children, the more you want to control, the more unyielding they are; the more you scold, the more rebellious they are. It's almost impossible to control them like a child of a few years old!
Because from the beginning of adolescence, both boys and girls, their bodies and minds are occupied and controlled by a huge force, and their thoughts and behaviors will change dramatically – this force is hormones.
Scientists have found that hormones make the amygdala, the place in the brain that governs emotions, particularly active, so adolescents have larger emotional ups and downs. The chief conductor of the brain who manages intelligence and decision-making generally matures by the age of 20 to 25.
Therefore, the emotions of adolescent children are easily tossed by hormones, and the late-maturing frontal page cannot come out to control the situation, so that the whole person appears impulsive and irrational.
Therefore, adolescent children love to lose their temper, irritability, disobedience, not deliberately against their parents, more because of the hormones in the body.
Parents should adjust their mentality, less blame, more understanding, a little more patience and tolerance.
The best way to establish a good relationship with adolescent children is equality and respect, and parents should strive to stand in the same camp as their children and maintain smooth parent-child communication.
Please leave a certain space for your child, do not interfere or invade too much.