01
The ideal state of marriage is that no matter how long two people are together, there will be endless words, and there will be many things that they want to share with each other every day, happy and unhappy.
But the reality of marriage and the ideal is completely different, most people's marriage, the longer together, the feelings between the two people will become weaker, the more each other has nothing to say, or do not want to share with each other.
I was recently watching a Korean drama "Human Disqualification", the marriage of the heroine Li Fuqing makes people feel very suffocating, she and her husband have almost nothing to say in the time together, never seen them have normal husband and wife exchanges, between their husbands and wives, and bad mother-in-law contradictions.
She had a job that her family was proud of, but in fact she didn't have a good job, and quit her job not long ago, hiding from everyone and finding a domestic job outside on her own.
Her husband was unaware of this, which already showed that there was very little communication between them, he was a bit wordy and sometimes a little angry, and Li Fuqing was not willing to talk to him at all. During their time together, either he asks and she answers anything, or only replies like "um" and "oh".
Such a marriage makes people feel very unpleasant, there is no warmth at all, they are cold between each other, even colder than strangers, but such a marriage is the appearance of many marriages in real life, and the feelings between each other have not become better because of the longer they have gone, but worse.
02
Some time ago, there was a discussion on the Internet about whether it is important for couples to share with each other.
I think the desire to share between husband and wife is too important, which directly affects the feelings between each other, you think if two people are together, have lost the desire to share, there is nothing to say to each other, can such a marriage continue?
How to see whether the feelings of two people are good or not? In fact, it is to see if there are many things between two people that they want to say to each other, if two people are together, there is always a lot to say, then there is no doubt that the feelings of two people are still very good.
But if both people have nothing to say, then the feelings are basically gone.
The desire to share between people does not disappear at once, it slowly becomes absent, and it is caused by the accumulation of indifference.
I think most love, at the beginning, must be without words, there are many things between each other to say to each other, what to eat today, where to go, see what interesting things, what good news, will not wait to share with each other.
People like to share their lives with people they are close to, what happy things to share, unhappy things to share, depressed things to share, in short, like to share their lives with each other.
This is unconditional trust in the other party, believing that the other party can undertake their own hearts, will not talk about their own hearts to others everywhere, and believe that the other party can keep some secrets for themselves.
This is the expression of love, when one person loves another person, they do not mind letting the other person enter their own hearts, nor do they mind entering the other person's heart.
03
But why did they become speechless to each other later?
These are not a few, but the ultimate destination of most feelings, two people are obviously intimate, sleeping in the same bed every night, but two people have no desire to share their lives with each other.
Just like Li Fuqing, she and her husband have no desire to share, which can be seen from the first episode, because her husband did not listen carefully to what she said, nor did she care what she thought, the contradiction between her and her mother-in-law, he was even more offended on both sides.
Li Fuqing built a wall between her and her husband, which separated her and her husband, and she was no longer willing to share her possessions with him, because she no longer trusted him and did not feel that he was capable of dealing with the problems between them.
Between husband and wife, once there is a gap, it is difficult to open the mustard between each other, and the words between two people will become less and less, one has closed the door of the heart, and the other is no longer willing to enter the heart of the other.
This is one of the main reasons why the longer couples get along, the weaker the feelings, and the fewer and fewer they are with each other, which requires two people to work together to improve.
Of course, it is not that you must respond to each other at every moment, because everyone has their own life and their own work to deal with, but it means that every day they must give each other some time to get along with each other, and two people share their hearts with each other.
When your partner shares with you, you should respond positively, or you can take the initiative to share with him if you have something, and when you share with each other more, you will get to know each other more and more, rather than strangers, and your feelings will become deeper with each other's sharing.
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Article illustration | Stills from "Human Disqualification"