In our dealings with people, we always want to try our best to integrate into each other's circles, thinking that only in this way will we be valued and live happier.
In fact, doing so will only make yourself more miserable.
Imagine that you obviously don't want to do something, but you do it for the happiness of others, can you be happy?
Any relationship is mutual, if in a relationship, you are in order to fit in, then the pain is destined to accompany you often, such a relationship do not stop.
The writer Osamu Dazai, in the work "Human Disqualification", created such a protagonist who fits in for the sake of socializing.
Anyone familiar with this work should know that this is Osamu Dazai's posthumous work, and he ended his life after the work was completed.
Many people say that Yezo is a fictional person portrayed by Osamu Dazai, but in my opinion it is not, because it is very similar to himself, and this work is also known as an autobiographical novel.
01: Deliberately pleasing is a kind of sadness
In life, we often encounter such things, obviously the heart of the rejection of the death, but also to show hypocritical sincerity to treat, obviously hate a person to the extreme, but do not want to tear the face at all.
Ye Zang in "Human Disqualification" is so sad, he lives in the eyes of others, forgetting what he really wants, but when we laugh at Ye Zang, is it equivalent to laughing at ourselves?
Because, we are clowns like him.
There are two details in the book that make Xiao Bei remember deeply.
One is that Ye Zang has never felt hungry, of course, this is not to say how good his family is, but he has never felt this way, he can't feel the hunger of others, but he has been pandering.
For example, every time he comes home from school, people around him will constantly ask him if he is hungry, and before he can answer, the other party continues to say that he has experienced the feeling of hunger, which is really uncomfortable.
Therefore, they would give Ye Zang some bread and pastries, and although Ye Zang was not hungry at all at this time, he still pretended to be very hungry and ate and drank.
The reason for this is just to make the other person happy and to be able to make themselves more social.
Another is that when Yezang's father returned to Tokyo, he would ask each child what kind of gift he wanted, and he would patiently write it down in a notebook.
When asked about Ye Zang, although he didn't know what he wanted at the moment, or he didn't want it at all.
Seeing that he was unable to express his meaning, his father was a little angry and asked him over and over again if he wanted the "Lion Dance" mask.
Finally, I really don't have the patience to say it.
After seeing that his father was a little displeased, Ye Zang was very panicked, because he wanted to please the other party, but he did not want to make the other party angry because of himself, which made him very uneasy.
After careful consideration, he wrote the words "Lion Dance" in his father's diary.
Because, at this moment, he understood that whether he wanted to give this gift or not, the key was that his father wanted to give it to him, so only by accepting it, the other party would not be angry.
Ye Zang belongs to the typical flattering personality, but in the process, does he feel happy? The answer is, not at all.
But other than that, he had no other way, he felt that this was the only way to make everyone happy.
In fact, this is not only true of Ye Zang, but also of most of us in life.
Whether in childhood or adulthood, we try to use our hypocritical sincerity to integrate into other people's circles, hoping that others will accept us, hoping that we are not the unsociable person.
But often the more we do this, the less happiness we get, and even in the dead of night, we will introspect ourselves, why do we have to please others, why do we have to do things against our will in order to fit in?
But the next day, for some inner purpose, I will continue to do things that I don't like and can make others look happy.
To tell the truth, people who wronged themselves in order to please others are sad, and such people will never encounter happiness in their lifetime.
02: Those who do not wronged themselves are wise
It is true that this society needs false courtesy, but behind the false, can there be a trace of sincerity?
Some people, on the surface, are worthy of fellowship, but they do not think that they are betraying themselves.
It is not easy for people to live, so why should they be wronged?
If Ye Zang did not choose to please, but insisted on being himself, even if others were unhappy, he was absolutely happy.
Isn't it important to be born as a human being?
I once watched a video on the Internet that the girl handled it the same way as Ye Zang, and in her eyes there was no self, only others.
It was late at night, the girl suddenly received a phone call, the girl dimly saw that it was the boss calling, the boss told her on the phone that the plan should be changed immediately, because it will be used tomorrow.
After the boss finished speaking, the girl said no problem.
After hanging up the phone, the girl sat on the bed and cried, she knew that this was not what she wanted, but why did she choose to give in?
She had thought about refusing, but the consequences of rejection were something she could not have imagined.
When we encounter things we don't want to do as children, we can refuse, we can't get what we want, we can vent our troubles, but when we become adults, it is completely different.
We start to become cautious, we become self-destructive, and it is naturally important to support our families in life, but what about happiness?
If a person lives, if there is no happiness, what is the meaning of such a life?
In this world, we can properly wronged ourselves, but we must not always wronged ourselves, because then you can't feel happiness, and it is difficult to embrace happiness.
If there is no happiness in your world, you often lose the motivation to live, because everything around you makes you feel uncomfortable, others are happy, and you have to suppress yourself all the time.
In order to be similar to others, in order to integrate into other people's worlds, to be gregarious for the sake of being sociable, I would like to ask you like this, are you really willing?
If you can find like-minded friends, it is good, if you can't find it, don't be aggrieved, and don't deliberately go into the group, because if a relationship makes you feel uncomfortable, then it must be wrong.
Frankly speaking, the work "Human Disqualification" is very meaningful.
Because it teaches us that there is no need to deliberately please the world, and there is no need to be gregarious for the sake of being gregarious. Even if your life is lonely, as long as you are happy, it is meaningful.
Compared with the carnival of a group of people, it is really not as good as a person, seeking inner peace.
Maybe, now is a person who strives to be sociable, but you have to know that the gregarious people must be like-minded, if the circle is different, don't be strong.
Because even if you end up melting in, it's only superficial. Because, good sociability, is not wronged by oneself.
Isn't it?
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About the Author:
Su Xiaobei is a cutting-edge emotional writer and marital psychological counselor. If you have a problem and don't know how to solve it, you can ask me a question and look forward to your consultation and message.