Beisu, a second-level psychological counselor, focuses on marriage and emotions, and carefully creates every emotional column to take you to meet a better self and meet a better emotional relationship.
Wen | Northern Su
01
Reverence for marriage, as Written in the previous article, is important for marital feelings, family harmony.
Reverence, which can also be said to be an upgrade of the understanding of marriage, may only see love and expectation when you first enter marriage.
With the continuous changes in the relationship between marriage and family, the role of husband and wife in addition to lovers and parents, etc., multiple identities will make two people re-recognize the responsibilities in marriage and family.
Most of us will be aware of the responsibility layer, and we will stay at the responsibility layer, but there is actually a deeper layer, because of the love of gratitude and the awe.
Couples who stay on the level of responsibility will easily blame each other because of the gap in the marriage, and at the same time, the behavior of one of them not taking responsibility will also bring harm to the marriage and will also become a whirlpool of pain for the other party.
Many betrayed people will question in pain why their partner betrayed the marriage, why does he not know how to take responsibility for the marriage.
However, such a problem will only make the betrayed person suffer, because it is often difficult to demand or let a person know how to change and understand the responsibility of marriage and family from the level of marriage and family responsibility.
02
If you want a person to understand the understanding of autonomy and assume the responsibility of marriage, but from the level that responsibility should be borne by him, it will be difficult to stimulate the awareness and action of taking responsibility, which is not his willingness to take responsibility, but a deeper motivation that does not allow him to bear the responsibility of marriage and family.
Just like work, if a person does not have an intrinsic love for work, dedication and self-improvement goals, it is difficult for him to complete a certain content with his heart; on the contrary, if he loves the job very much inside and is grateful for the opportunity to further study and improve, he will definitely go all out.
Back to the responsibility of husband and wife, marriage responsibility and family responsibility, only this person has a full love for feelings, marriage, and family from the inside, has a deep gratitude, and has a reverence for the happiness of this feeling, and a reverence for everything that is owned;
He will rise from the inside to invest in marriage and cherish the family, he will be very active and active to assume the responsibility of marriage, bear the responsibility of the family, and he will put marriage and family on the "heart".
Of course, it will be difficult for the betrayed person to help the partner achieve this, so sometimes if you want to repair the marriage, if you want the family integrity, you really need the party who betrayed the marriage to know how to look back at yourself, and then ask yourself again about the understanding of marriage.
03
Returning to the family is a choice, not the end of the marriage problem, and it must be clear for the party who betrays the marriage.
Betraying the marriage, the return can not make up for the damage caused by the betrayal to the marriage, and the return cannot make the marriage and the family return to the usual stable life as if they had not experienced any turmoil.
Returning requires a sincere heart, a sincerity and a very good intention, which requires the betrayer to make a change by looking back at himself, looking back at his attitude and state of giving to marriage.
And this transformation, the premise is that the betrayed person's heart really realizes the importance of marriage and family, really sees the preciousness of marriage, the preciousness of the family, and truly realizes his love and gratitude for marriage and family.
Then firmly tell yourself from the heart that you must fear marriage in the future, make up for the family with your heart, and warm the marriage with love; the direction of the heart is firm, the understanding is profound, and the attitude and behavior shown are easier to bring safety and warmth to the marriage and family, and it will be easier to be re-accepted and forgiven by the partner.
If you want to return to your family, if you want to make up for the mistakes of betrayal, learning reverence is the foundation.
04
Only by knowing how to respect marriage and family will we not embark on the road of betrayal again.
For the betrayed party, the most worrying thing after forgiving the betrayal may be the loyalty of the partner, and the last thing they want to face is to be betrayed again.
When the betrayer wants to let go of his partner's concerns, he will always try to do something that can cater to the partner and appease the partner, but ignore his own internal reshaping and cognition of the marital relationship.
There must be action to return, there must be appeasement to the partner, there must be explanation to the partner, and the inner reverence for marriage is not easy to fall behind.
In the previous article we mentioned that there is love, there is gratitude, there will be reverence.
Love is an emotion that transcends love and affection, and can also be said to be a more sublimated emotion of love and affection, because of love and love, because of blind love and love, love is based on the original emotion, more deeply aware of the importance of this emotion to themselves.
If the betrayer does not know how to deepen this feeling of love, it can be analyzed from the perspective of marriage relationships, family relations and their own "interests":
For example, companionship, daily life seems to be a very plain companionship, but this will include a lot of other people can not do, irreplaceable companionship, this is the importance of this feeling and relationship.
Find those important moments that have been overlooked, feel the happiness and warmth of both husband and wife, or family together in those moments, and let yourself feel the uniqueness, preciousness, and meaning of this happiness of this feeling.
Gratitude, that is, after finding the feeling of love, in terms of uniqueness, preciousness, meaning, etc., more deeply and sincerely grateful for the companionship and warmth brought by marriage and family, grateful for someone in life who regards themselves as very important, grateful for the warmth and happiness of the emotions and relationships that bring themselves warmth and happiness.
Finally, be grateful that you still have the opportunity to love them, that you still have the opportunity to make up for your debt to marriage and family, and that you have the opportunity to continue to have these precious feelings and relationships.
05
The betrayer who fears marriage will truly know how to grow up after the return and deal with the contradictions that may be encountered on the way back.
After knowing how to revere marriage, the betrayer will also encounter the doubts and attacks of his partner in the process of returning to the family, and will also feel distrusted and accepted;
But because of the reverence for marriage and family in the heart, the betrayer will have a strong motivation to persist in his heart, and he will also know how to use positive emotions and states to deal with his partner's attacks.
In the final analysis, with a reverence for marriage and family, the betrayer will be more proactive in taking on the responsibilities of marriage and family, and will be more willing to take on these responsibilities, and from the inside will also regard the responsibility of marriage and family as a kind of happiness.
When the betrayer returns to the marriage with motivation, the betrayer's redemption will bring fresh "cells" to the marriage and family, and will let happiness slowly replace the pain that once appeared.