Children are more serious than their hearts, seeing that others have everything they want, the new school bag they just bought this semester, seeing others crying and crying to let them buy, seeing other people's children's cars to pick up and send and let their parents buy cars, and even want a big house, what should I do in this situation?
To solve this problem, we must first know where the comparison heart comes from?
The first is that parents are overly doting and unconditionally satisfied with their children.
Human desires are endless, and when children are used to being satisfied when they are young, over time, they will want more and more.
Second, the words and deeds of parents have planted the seeds of comparison for children.
For example, parents often unconsciously compare their children with others. "You see Zhang Meimei, you can get 10 points every time, what's wrong with you?"
In the subtle, the child is accustomed to seeing other people's good places, and ignoring what they have, which will not only bring great pressure to the child, but also seriously destroy the child's happiness.
Usually, when many parents encounter this situation, we will say: "Hey, you have learned to compare, do you have to have anything?" Don't you have a lot of things that people don't have? Be content to be grateful! ”
Guess how your child feels when he hears these words? Maybe I just want to roll my eyes at you.
In psychology, there are two words, one is positive interpretation and the other is negative interpretation.
Positive interpretation, that is, we interpret and understand people's behavior in a positive direction, which is called positive interpretation.
Negative interpretation is just the opposite, we understand and explain people's behavior in a negative direction.
So when we find problems with children of this and another, if we come up with a negative interpretation of him, label the child, and buckle the hat. Who would be happy in this situation? The first reaction of the other party is to be very repulsive and resistant to us. Or he'll shut up all of a sudden and won't want to say anything more to you. Or he'll fight back immediately and resist.
In this case, whether you are facing an adult or a child, even if you say that the sky is broken, what you say is reasonable, in fact, what you say has become a piano to the cow.
What should we do, smart parents?
First of all, we must make a positive interpretation, such as this one just now. We can respond to the child like this, "Wow, baby. You are envious of people who have big houses, you know, your mother can also be envious. "Baby, you envy people who have remote control cars." Do you know, Dad, when you're as old as you are, you'll be particularly envious if you look at it. ”
That's the positive interpretation, to be honest, who doesn't like the new good, doesn't they? Haven't we ever envied others for a new bag today and a new car tomorrow? We have never envied other people's luxury cars? Therefore, it is normal for children to envy others for a moment of warmth. We ourselves are able to analyze our own economic abilities objectively and have the ability to choose whether or not to. That child he likes a thing, wants a thing, he can only rely on you, if people have been addicted to you are not allowed, then the child is still willing to communicate with you? Didn't the child say that we now have to smash the pot and sell iron to buy it, right?
When we interpret positively, the child's mood is understood, he is willing to continue to communicate with you further, you have the opportunity to lead him positively. The door of the child's heart is open, and you are ready to take the second step.
The second step is for the child to discover that most of our wishes can be fulfilled through our own efforts. For example, are we all envious of people having big houses? Hey, that mom and dad and you, our family of three, let's analyze what we can do to achieve our wishes, don't care what you say about the reality is unrealistic, think wildly, want to say what to say, you care if he can achieve it, in the process of discussion, do you feel that life is full of hope? Do you feel full of energy, full of motivation? Right? This feeling of excitement is the focus of our chat. Let your child find a good feeling first.
The third step is to inspire the child. At this point, let's let him see that he actually has a lot of it. When your children find out that I have a lot of things, and many of my own things are not available to other children. Is he happier at this time? Right?
Finally, love is the greatest asset. This is the most important and important thing, we are going to sublimate the topic. We have to let our children see where the greatest wealth of our family is those material things. Our greatest wealth is that Dad loves Mommy, Mommy loves Daddy, Mommy loves You, right? Our family can be happy and harmonious together. If we have a lot of things, we are certainly happy. If we have very few things, we can still have fun, right? A family smiles every day when they look at each other, and our kind of family is the rarest in the world.
It is very normal for children to have such and such problems in the process of growing up, but parents must learn to interpret positively, first think about why children have such problems, and then understand and accept children's ideas, build a good bridge of communication with children, correctly and reasonably guide children, usually parents can often ask children what wishes they have, or talk to children about school topics and understand the child's psychological world. In this way, parents have an understanding of their children and will correct their children's mistakes in a timely manner.