When we are nervous and anxious, children are able to learn how to cope with their emotions by observing us.
Every day of life there are plenty of opportunities for us to lead by example and calmly face our imperfections. This means accepting our own traumas, our fallacies, and the fact that our actions are to a considerable extent unconscious, no matter how enlightened we think we may be.
Children need to understand that life's troubles can always be transformed into spiritual and emotional wealth.
Once they realize this, they are no longer afraid of failure and have the ability to accept reality and see mistakes as an inevitable or even fundamental part of their lives.
01
How children perceive mistakes
To deal with our children's mistakes, we must first think about how we want others to treat our own mistakes.
Are we willing to be taught a lesson?
Are we willing to be condemned over and over again?
Are we willing to be repeatedly challenged by others?
Do we want our love and commitment to be questioned?
But this is precisely the way many parents respond to their children's mistakes.
Especially when children do not perform well in school, many parents believe that just telling them to "work harder", "learn more" or "don't give up" is to help them face failure and overcome their fears.
In fact, we are guiding our children to cling to perfection. As a result, children are overwhelmed when they fall into imperfection, confusion, and ignorance.
They will see the mistakes they have made as a portrayal of themselves, cocooning themselves in front of the consequences of their mistakes.
At this point, if we reproach and punish our children, we will not only fail to show them that mistakes are the only way to a higher awakening, but will also sow the seeds of evil that will lead them to anger or even violence.
Before we can help children find the source of their mistakes, they need a space to distance themselves from their mistakes and look at them differently.
02
Don't demonize mistakes
The right way to do this is to wait until all emotions have calmed down and everyone has calmed down, sit down with your children, and compassionately confront the mistakes they have made, and tell them how to learn from the matter and abandon preconceived judgments.
Helping children understand the "why" is the most effective way to teach them to forgive. Because knowing the "why" empowers us to make a difference.
Unfortunately, in the face of their children's negative behavior, most parents often don't have the patience to figure out the "why" and instead deal directly with the "what happened".
However, only by figuring out why can we help children find ways to improve. And when the child understands the "why", everything will be solved.
Pictured: Starfall sister who can take pictures
As long as we don't see our children's mistakes as intentional, we focus on the point and find that these mistakes don't matter whether they are forgiven or not forgiven.
Because mistakes are an unavoidable part of learning to be your true self.
Don't demonize mistakes, which means there are positive motives behind every mistake, although these motives are sometimes not automatically revealed.
As parents, we need to discover our children's initial good intentions from behind false appearances. Doing so will encourage children to believe in the good in their own nature. If we focus only on bad outcomes and ignore the motives of kindness, the child loses the enthusiasm to try.
When we show trust in our children's good motives, we no longer criticize what they do.
One reason children are afraid of mistakes is that when we blame them, they feel incompetent. We have so severely weakened their self-confidence that they are afraid to make the same mistakes no matter what they do.
03
Cheering for your child's mistakes
Cheering for your child's mistakes, you may be confused: "Isn't this not to condone children not to take mistakes seriously?" "Let me explain why there is no need to have this concern.
The essence of the awakening method of parenting is to understand that the inherent motives of children are good and willing to do good. But throughout the day, the child will always make mistakes, consciously or unintentionally. If they are afraid of being punished, they may cover up their mistakes by lying.
My advice is not only to tell children not to be afraid of mistakes, but also to emphasize to them that everyone can gain a lot of valuable experience from their mistakes; we would not have gained such a wealth of experience without making them.
Encouraging children to let go of the burden of mistakes is tantamount to teaching them to separate rice from bran bran, to preserve rice and discard bran.
If a child asks us for car keys again after an accident, that's when we're facing a test. Imagine if we had scratched a friend's car, would we like to see our friend stop trusting us?
When children show their most vulnerability in front of us, and we can face them calmly, it is equivalent to telling them that you deserve respect and should be accepted.
If we abandon them because of our own prejudices, we are telling them that you are not worthy of respect, that there is no place for forgiveness in this world. Then, when children face the world, they will also be afraid and stagnant.
Encouraging children to face their own mistakes can make them face up to their shortcomings and limitations and bravely continue to move forward.
Their belief in their abilities will also be strengthened. They will be encouraged to know that they are still caring, and they will understand that each of us is in the process of continuous improvement.