Today is still to share with you a real case of a fan parent, the mother told me: the child is 17 years old, very outgoing personality, vocational high school has not finished, has dropped out of school and does not want to go. Now I play with some people who are not doing their jobs in society, often not going home at night, and are reluctant to go home. I also found a few temporary jobs, but I didn't want to do it for a month. Every time I called home, I ran out again within a few days.
The child's father is a technical post, not very good at communication, and there is little communication with the child from an early age, and the child often beats him when he does wrong things when he is a child. The mother was busy doing business a few years ago, neglected the companionship and guidance of the child, the child was in the second year of junior high school because of the obsession with the game, resulting in a lot of grades, suspended for a period of time, and then transferred to a private school, barely finished junior high school. Now parents are difficult to manage, the good words have been exhausted, and now I really don't know what to do. Do you want to send him to that kind of quality special training school to be closed and managed?
Today, I will take the opportunity to reply to this mother and tell you what to do in such a situation. I would like to say some personal views and ideas for your reference.
First of all, it is certain that the child's educational guidance from an early age is missing or missing.
Parents should always understand a truth, school education can only be regarded as an auxiliary, family education is the leading role. Moreover, the educational concept of "filial piety under the stick" is obviously not feasible in today's era. Some of your mis-educational behaviors are also the root causes that directly lead children to this step. I don't say this to accuse or blame you, but to tell you the essence of the matter.
Therefore, don't just blame the child for not obeying and not understanding things. After all, no child is born against their parents. But the past is over and irretrievable. Life still has to go on, we can only look forward and try to find a way to save some situations.
Second, since the child has dropped out of vocational high school, it already shows that the child really cannot learn in school.
In this way, it can only start planning for the child's first career as soon as possible, after all, the ultimate goal of education is also to get employment, not to get a diploma. Some people may indeed be able to suffer physically, but they just can't eat the hardship of learning, and this does not need to be forced. Especially children with a more extroverted personality, most of them are not suitable for taking the academic route or engaging in academic research.
Third, as a parent, you need to put down the previous strict parental shelf, find a time, sit down and have a good talk with your child.
Understand the child's inner true thoughts, understand the child's interests and expertise, tell the child about some of the current severe social industry situation, and explain the pros and cons to the child. Ask your child why they don't want to do those jobs for a long time, and listen to your child talk about why. If the reason for the child to say it, if it is an unreasonable desire and demand, the parent needs to explain the reason clearly and guide it in the right direction; if it is a reasonable reason, try to understand the child. As far as possible to find a child is still more interested in or at least less annoying industry, encourage children to stick to it, tell children, stick to it to succeed, in this era, no industry is easy to do, and there is no job that makes a lot of money at the beginning.
Fourth, many children do not work enough for a month and do not work, perhaps not suitable for children.
Most children are not interested in telling their children about traditional industries and employment. You might as well think differently and let your child try out the emerging industry.
For example, don't children love to play games? You know which game your child plays the most, plays better, and encourages your child to open an account on a self-media platform to do the game field, or you can go to the game live broadcast platform as an anchor. If the child can persist for a period of time, the parents will give some rewards in time to urge him to stick to it.
Don't care whether this game self-media field can do his long-term career, the purpose of doing this is to let the child calm down to do one thing, cultivate his spirit of persistence, with this spirit, or in a certain industry field tasted the sweetness of persistence, even if you change to other industries in the future, there is a chance to succeed.
As long as the child is willing to try, it is a good start. When the initial benefits are not seen, parents can give appropriate encouragement from the side, for example, insist on making a game video for a month and give their children some material rewards.
Fifth, why encourage children to do this? What's the reason?
There is a truth in this, because the child has never tasted the sweetness of insisting on doing things, then he must be prone to psychological frustration, and it is difficult to continue to do it. This is also why he can't work several temporary jobs, because he can't get a better return, so it is easy to lose confidence.
But jobs that pay off well require high levels of expertise. Therefore, it is necessary to first in any one thing, encourage children to insist on doing, the most difficult time in the early stage, parents must pay more attention to, more encouragement, whenever the child insists on a small stage, we must give a certain reward in time, so that the child has the confidence to continue to do.
On the one hand, if the child can persist in this regard, it is a good thing, at least there is something to do first, and it will not always run around outside;
On the other hand, if the child has been doing it for a while and finds this more difficult (in fact, the game-related industry or the self-media industry is not so easy to do), then perhaps it will accept some of the difficulties in the previous work, or it will naturally realize that you need to improve your professional skills and need to learn more knowledge.
Sixth, sometimes, it is also beneficial for children to properly "hit the south wall".
After all, when a person encounters something more difficult, he will accept something that was not so difficult before. Many times, the reasonable child may indeed not listen to it at once, then you can consider letting the child properly bump into the "south wall", after the collision, maybe he will have a personal experience and have a new understanding. So what kind of "south wall" is it? Definitely give priority to the items that the child likes and start from this place.
On the one hand, we can consider laying out the facts and reasoning first, and telling the children about the severe situation in various industries in society;
On the other hand, you can use the idea of "condition for condition" to reach a certain agreement with your child, and it is better to write an agreement in written form. For example, if a child can do something for half a year, give him what kind of reward.
Seventh, as for whether to send it to a quality education special training school, my suggestion is very clear - not recommended.
Sent to a special training school, it is certain that the symptoms will not cure the root cause, this is for sure. I have talked about this before, if you are interested, you can go back to my June 23rd issue of the work, there is a very detailed explanation. I won't repeat it here.
Finally, I would like to remind everyone once again that in this new era, parents are not so good, family education, is a systematic project, or subjectively attach importance to it.
Now this status quo is also the result of the formation of more than ten years, so it is not a moment and a half to immediately reverse the situation, as a parent, but also have to endure the temperament, slowly change the attitude to the child, slowly communicate with the child, try to slowly change the previous rigid parent-child relationship.
We must learn to think differently, understand the child, and consider from the child's point of view why the child is bored with school or cannot continue to work. At the same time, parents also need to put down the traditional parental shelf, update the educational concept in their minds in a timely manner, and also try to understand the emerging industries in society, especially the emerging industries that may become children's future careers. The process of educating children is also the process of parental growth, and learning is endless.
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