In the eyes of most parents, playing and fighting are playthings that lose their minds, yelling and yelling all day, which not only makes parents feel tired, but also consumes positive and enterprising ambition. Therefore, whenever the child returns home after a day of playfulness, many parents are angry, followed by a scolding of the split head cover face, and even bamboo shoots fried meat.
However, from a psychological point of view, children's appropriate play in childhood is not only far from the loss of playthings and the lack of proper work and idleness in adulthood, but also, if there is a lack of sufficient play in childhood, only know obedience and good learning, it will also cause future interpersonal relationships to be a mess.
Just like the male protagonist John Nash in the movie "A Beautiful Mind", although he has excellent grades, is very talented in mathematics, and was admitted to the mathematics department of Princeton University, he has a lonely personality from an early age, cannot get along with his classmates, and does not have a friend, let alone the favor of girls.
His focus on learning made him outstanding achievements in mathematics, and finally won the Nobel Prize in economics, but the defects in interpersonal relationships made him suffer from severe schizophrenia, and the psychological guilt and physical treatment in the past few years made him feel overwhelmed, greatly reducing the happiness of life.
In the psychologist Shi Qijia's "Healing Your Inner Child" book, the author analyzed in detail more than a dozen types of unhealthy inner children and the reasons for their formation, the most impressive part of the editor is the lack of play of children this section, most adults only know that naughty, not good learning will affect the future future, do not know at all, in fact, children who can not play, the second half of life will not be good.
The concept of the inner child is a technical term in psychology, which refers to the fact that everyone has a simple and fragile state like a child in the heart, which does not disappear with age, but will always be hidden in the corner of the heart, unconsciously affecting the individual's thinking and behavior.
Individuals who did not have fun in childhood will behave as follows in adulthood:
All kinds of manifestations will make individuals lose the identity of the group, gradually be excluded, become more and more isolated, and seriously lose their jobs, the breakdown of marriages, or mental illness, the formation of antisocial personalities and so on.
Therefore, as parents, while educating children how to learn and form good morals, they should also pay attention to letting children release their playful nature to avoid children being too rigid and rigid.
1. Parent-child camouflage mode: cultivate the flexibility of thinking
Parents who have raised children know that after watching cartoons, children will want to play role-play with their parents, such as being a policeman, their parents are bad people, the police give the bad guy a shot, and the bad guy falls - and then the child who plays the police will burst into a burst of laughter. This has a technical term in psychology called the camouflage pattern.
If the bad guy does not fall, that is, the parents do not cooperate with the child to pretend to be dead, but accuse the child of not being big or small, not respecting the parents, "the father is very busy, he plays while playing", the child can not get a happy and happy emotional experience through the interaction between parents and children, nor can he know that in fact, people can be disguised, he will mistakenly think that the disguise is shameful, and doing anything can only show the most real side.
Many people think that lying, wearing masks, and pranks are wrong, so from an early age, children are taught to tell the truth and only tell the truth, but everything is too late, if the child has no contact with these, then his personality will be too blunt, without the slightest euphemism.
The most common manifestation is the straight man in the relationship, and any joke of the girlfriend will be taken seriously as a proverb. "Sincerely apologize and buy me 50 cups of milk tea", the girlfriend was obviously just a joke, and the boy really went to buy 50 cups of milk tea.
It is good to abide by the rules and have strong logic, but if you only use a set of logic to walk the rivers and lakes in life and love, then it will be regarded as a cold machine without interest in life, and even considered to have a brain problem.
Seriousness is a good thing. But if you face it with an absolutely serious attitude in addition to other things besides work and scientific research, you will not only make yourself very tired, but also keep your friends and lovers away from you.
The camouflage mode between parents and children can be divided into two kinds, father and son and mother and son, due to the huge differences in thinking and behavior habits between men and women, therefore, only when the camouflage patterns of father and son and mother and son exist at the same time, can children avoid gender bias.
What does that mean? That is, if the boy has only the experience of playing with the mother from childhood, and the father is absent, then the boy's personality in adulthood is easy to be feminine, lack of masculinity, sharp voice, timid and fearful, and only promises.
The masculinity here has nothing to do with women's income, position, and social status, and even a mother at the level of president cannot exert the male determination and masculinity of her father.
Therefore, on the road to accompanying children to grow up, father and mother are equally important, and it makes sense that the old saying has clouds, and the son does not teach the father's fault.
2. Emotional diversity: Play expands mental space and improves interpersonal relationships
Compared with the emotions of animals, human emotions are much more refined. Animals usually have only simple emotions such as happiness, anger, and fear, and manifest themselves through behaviors such as rolling, widening their eyes, roaring, and shaking their bodies.
Human emotions include love, resentment, grief, mourning, surprise, pride, and misses countless other types.
But it is not difficult for us to find that some people have very little emotion, most of the time they are a paralyzed ice cube face, only when they encounter great joy and sorrow, the face has an expression, which can make people feel that he is a real person.
This is not because he is naturally cold and unintended, but because he lacked enough space to play as a child. Humans are social animals, and there is no one who does not want to be accepted by social groups.
For example, when a child plays a game with several friends, he wins the game, and he will feel a happy mood, a sense of accomplishment, the physical touch of the little friend's embrace, and the discomfort of competitors. If the parents do not allow the child to play, then he will lose these psychological spaces and become an unkind, unkind, unkind, non-joking, and uninteresting person as an adult.
Some people don't know how to get along with colleagues at work, and they don't know how to talk, request, and negotiate with their partners in love, because they have not played and experienced complex emotions in their past experiences.
Like a mathematical discrete function, there is no continuity, and there is a lack of transition between emotions, which makes people feel rigid and difficult to get along with.
3. Creativity: Play can also trigger curiosity and enhance creativity
What many people don't know is that play is also related to creativity. Children who love to play when they are young will not only have more harmonious interpersonal relationships when they grow up, but also have stronger creativity in learning and work.
The so-called creativity is mostly continuously improved in hands-on practice. People who are blindly well-behaved and sensible, who can only talk on paper, have never been exposed to actual combat, and it is difficult to arouse inner curiosity and enhance the creativity of work.
Take the movie "A Beautiful Mind", mathematician John F. Before Nash proposed the shocking Nash equilibrium theory, he did not rely solely on personal hard work, but on the party with college classmates, he found the key to the turning point. If he was obsessed with day and night research in the dormitory, and had no contact with his classmates, when the other classmates graduated, he still could not write a doctoral dissertation.
Play can boost creativity and is associated with the flexibility and emotional richness of the previously mentioned changing minds. In view of the fact that most theories and research will eventually be used in people, and human nature is flexible, emotionally rich, soldiers have clouds to know each other, and they will never lose a battle, so the significance of play is very important.