Been a parenting blogger for 8 years.
Whenever I write that education is not only about brushing questions, but also about cultivating love, taking children to open their eyes, and even writing about how to communicate with teachers when children encounter problems in school, there will be messages: these are only available in first-tier cities, these can only be done with money, and these are only good schools...
To be honest, I believe from the bottom of my soul: education exists to cultivate people, and it should not be distinguished by "class" and "family income"; I also don't want to hear people say that education is to fight father, fight mother, who has good resources, can teach good children.
But of course, I also know very well that every family has its own objective conditions, and talking about education without these conditions is indeed a castle in the air.
Ordinary families who are not in big cities, lack resources, and do not have a strong family background, what issues should they pay the most attention to when educating and cultivating their own children, and what strategies should they use?
This article is some of my thoughts, I dare not say that all are right, I hope to throw bricks and jade, it will be a little helpful to everyone.
01
Describe happiness
The first method is to "start with the end", that is, to think clearly about what kind of person we must eventually cultivate the baby into, and then go backwards and use what method to achieve the goal.
So what is the goal of education - to make the baby a human being? It is better to be pragmatic, develop the ability to be self-reliant, and feed himself.
In fact, put these answers together, I believe that most parents in the world have the same goal, and the child will be happy in the future.
So, what is happiness?
Is the parents' own life now considered happy? If so, where is happiness? If not, where is the gap?
The first suggestion is for parents to think seriously and analyze what the 10 elements of a happy life are.
What is the use of a serious discussion of "happiness"?
When each of us educates our children, we are actually unconsciously using ourselves and the "other" people we see and come into contact with as standards:
I just didn't study well when I was a child, so now I suffer a lot...
Reading has a fart ah, that who is, the college entrance examination results are much worse than me, did not enter the university, opened a barbecue restaurant in Bar Street, but now, I earn this dead salary, people drive luxury cars and live in big houses...
This fragmented "experience" will involuntarily appear in the various moments when we make educational decisions for our children - which picture book to buy, how much money to spend on interest classes, whether the university entrance examination is important to school, or the major is more important...
But all fragmented experiences are full of contradictions and can easily lead to dead ends:
Zhang San had good grades and was admitted to Tsinghua, so he had a better life than me;
Li Si went to open a milk tea shop before finishing high school, and he had a better life than me;
So do you still want chicken babies?
There are also the most cases: Wang Wu became rich by demolition and relocation at home, Zhao Liu was good-looking and married a rich man, and Niu Qi was thick-skinned and loved to pat...
I can't replicate the success of others? So how do I educate my child so that he can succeed?
The greatest commonality of us ordinary people is precisely that we are not sure which path is most likely to lead to success; The energy and money that ordinary families can invest are very limited, and it is impossible to try all possibilities, so it is particularly necessary to be certain.
This is also why, brushing the question chicken baby, has become the choice of most people, because for ordinary people, the college entrance examination is the road with the greatest certainty.
At the same time, even the most chicken families know in their hearts: it seems that scores alone are not enough...
God, that's hard!
It is very, very difficult, so I very, very much suggest that the more ordinary a family is, the more we must first put aside "success" and discuss "happiness".
There are not many successful people in the world, but everyone can make their lives happier.
We are not sure that we will educate our children to be outstanding talents and have a successful life, so we should look back and think about what "certainty" factors can make the baby live a happier life.
Please parents, seriously, sincerely, with all their life experience, their own three views to list a list of 10 elements of happiness:
1. Have a certain economic foundation, can protect themselves and family life...
2. Physical and mental health...
3. Have a good intimacy (such as family harmony)...
4. Have a sense of self-worth, feel that work and life are fun...
5. Have your own interests and hobbies, and get satisfaction from the things you like...
6. Be optimistic and secure about the world, society and the people around you...
7、……
8、……
9、……
10、……
The above are a few elements that come to mind, and for each person and each family, these elements must be different, and they need to be discussed, found, and defined by themselves.
After listing them one by one, you can determine them one by one:
First, the economic basis is determined, very important, cultivation methods, will be discussed in the next sub-chapter.
The second article, physical and mental health, of course, is also sure to determine that it must be important and must be implemented, then let's refine the split:
Good living habits and adherence to physical exercise, these two are "certainty", these two items invest time, money and energy, will definitely make my children live a happier life in the future, and the return of this investment will last a lifetime, then focus on consideration.
Mental health is more mysterious to say, ordinary parents are not psychologists, what is called "mental health"? In fact, in another word, everyone understands - good personality.
Of course, the key to this "good" is not "mom and dad and others feel good" but "two-way".
I just gave birth to an introverted and sensitive child, the focus of education is to let this introverted and sensitive child, in various occasions feel that "not uncomfortable, I am very good", only in this way, the child can behave freely, and the outside world will naturally feedback "we are also very good" when the outside world sees the child "very good, comfortable, normal" will naturally feedback "we are also very good".
Character determines destiny, ordinary people's babies do not have mines in their homes, and they will not receive additional care from the social evaluation system, then they must be better for themselves and release greater friendliness to the world.
The content I wrote in the three, four, five, six and seven articles of the list, there are "intimacy", "self-worth", "hobbies", "security", etc., which everyone does not need to agree with, but can be discussed and summarized by everyone and each family by themselves.
When the "My Family Happiness 10 Elements Table" comes out, everyone will definitely find that educating children does not need to focus only on academic performance, staring at "success", staring at success will make ordinary families full of anxiety - because we are not sure whether children can succeed after paying so much.
But staring at "happiness", our every effort, every bit of investment will almost have a positive result - success is compared with others, we may not be able to compare with no matter how hard we try; But happiness is compared to ourselves, and regardless of external conditions, we can find small tricks to make ourselves and our children happier and happier.
Education is originally the way to help human beings pursue happiness.
02
Competitive data at the core
I never deny that the economic base determines the superstructure, and children cannot live happily without the basic ability to earn money, so education must cultivate the ability of children to earn money to support themselves and establish an economic foundation.
In the eyes of many parents, especially parents of ordinary families, this is the most important function of education, or even the only function that is firmly grasped - and only knows a way, study hard, get high scores, get into key universities, and then find a good job and earn more money.
It is true that people who study well and get into good universities are indeed more likely to find good jobs and earn more money.
The question is, what makes a good university? One book? Or 211, 985? How many competitors do we have?
Click to enlarge ↓
The above is the proportion of national college entrance examination admission in 2022, Henan, which has the lowest acceptance rate, is only 7.8%, the acceptance rate of 211 and 985 adds up, only 5.2%, and less than 8 out of 100 Wali are admitted - this is really a one-wood bridge.
Everyone may also see that the acceptance rate is also the intensity of competition, which has a lot to do with the population, and the competition in provinces with large populations is relatively more intense.
Since the basis of our discussion is ordinary people, it is unlikely that for the sake of competition for the college entrance examination, we will strive to settle in Beijing and Shanghai, or relocate the family to Tianjin and Ningxia.
Of course, the data of the college entrance examination is constantly changing, my daughter Little D is still 10 years away from the college entrance examination, and the younger babies may become smaller because of the decrease in the number of births, facing the pressure of the college entrance examination and employment.
But to pay attention to the core data of competition, for ordinary families, is really very important - in fact, the more difficult the competition in the area, under the great pressure brought by the environment, the more likely parents are to appear from the ancient Hua Mountain road, smashing pots and selling iron also to chicken babies mentality, but obviously, there is a higher risk.
Families who are not a "test generation" and are not sure about the college entrance examination, can only listen to schools, training courses and even listen to all kinds of Internet celebrity chicken and baby methods, should be especially vigilant against the theory of fractions - always tell children that you don't have to care about anything except for studying except exams.
In the third year of high school, I found that one is absolutely impossible, and after the college entrance examination, I paid attention to what two colleges and universities in the country and what majors there were, then it was really too late, it was a blind luck.
Let the baby be admitted to a good university, in the end, in order to find a good job, so the more ordinary the family, the more in the area with strong competition for the college entrance examination, the more sensitive it is to bypass the college entrance examination to pay attention to "employment".
How to pay attention to it:
1. Pay attention to the "love" of children from an early age, take children to understand various occupations together, discover in time what kind of profession my children like and are suitable for, and understand the relevant majors of various colleges and universities across the country in advance - pay attention, don't just stare at one.
This is also my original intention to start "Big J Job Agency" last year, hoping to help you see more career possibilities Click here to view the album
2. Be curious about the employment situation of relatives and friends and the city around you, the network is not the exclusive thing of "rich people", on the contrary, ordinary people who are not so sensitive to information, more need to deliberately observe and understand the people around them, what kind of work people around them, what kind of income is the income, what are the entry conditions and difficulties, these things are inquired more in advance, it must be good for the baby.
3. Keep an open attitude to all kinds of vocational and technical schools, and look at the matter of "learning a craft" with a normal heart: For us post-80s, it is not unusual for students to be admitted to health schools, police schools, tourism colleges, etc., but in 2022, the national college entrance examination acceptance rate will reach 92%, and the undergraduate acceptance rate will exceed 40%, it is difficult for parents to regard "learning a craft" as a serious way out.
However, in the past 10 years, the mainland government has always attached great importance to the development of vocational education.
In 2014, the National Vocational Education Work Conference was held, and the State Council issued the Decision on Accelerating the Development of Modern Vocational Education;
In 2019, the State Council issued the National Vocational Education Reform Implementation Plan;
In 2021, the National Vocational Education Conference will be held, and the Central Office and the State Office will issue the Opinions on Promoting the High-quality Development of Modern Vocational Education;
In 2022, the Ministry of Education released the White Paper on the Development of Vocational Education in China.
At present, the teaching level of secondary schools, technical schools and various vocational colleges is far from being completely satisfactory, but as mentioned earlier, this generation of children is still about 10 years away from the college entrance examination, if it is really an ordinary family, you must not ignore this way out that will become wider and straighter after 10 years.
4. Pay attention to the information of "emerging occupations" and pay attention to the employment information of government departments - learn to use government websites instead of hearsay, there have been many articles before reminding everyone that looking at education policies and finding educational resources, you may wish to go directly to the website of the Ministry of Education, rather than listening to various marketing numbers and training courses to interpret.
Similarly, paying attention to the website of the Ministry of Human Resources and Social Security and reading more news about the "national character head" are good ways to avoid being fooled.
03
Parents are not necessarily the starting line for children
After talking about happiness and competitive data, I finally want to talk to you about the phrase "parents are the starting line for children".
There is a meaning in this sentence, and I agree with it very much: that is, parents have an influence on their children, and if parents pay attention to their own improvement, then their children will also be promoted.
But there is also a layer of meaning, that is, the parents' conditions are good, the child's starting line is high, the parents' conditions are average, and the child seems to be not good...
I don't agree with this - the starting line of any generation should be the strongest voice of this era.
In the past year or two, I always saw a group of stories that created anxiety - who is who and who is the two Tsinghua double doctors, are all executives of listed companies;
Their baby has not yet gone to elementary school, and they are looking at the principle of "nuclear reaction", which is the standard for people's Haidian cow babies...
But now China Mobile, China Unicom, China Telecom base stations have covered almost all corners of the motherland, open a cheapest smartphone, any child, can search for the "nuclear reaction" principle of animation.
On Douyin Kuaishou and Station B, there are not only vulgar funny videos, but also academicians of the Chinese Academy of Sciences, the best teachers in China and even the world, telling children about science, art, history, society, the universe, Einstein's theory of relativity and quantum physics...
Today, the starting line of every child can be the strongest voice of this era, and the principle of nuclear reaction is not the knowledge standard of Haidian Niuwa, but the knowledge standard of every child in this era.
Taking children to open their eyes, allowing them to experience a rich life and have higher ideals does not necessarily cost much.
Even if it is to use the various free videos, audios, website resources, etc. recommended in our small public account, it is enough to make a child in a "small place" believe that no matter how big the world is, it is open to him!