First, on June 27, 2019, a 31-year-old mother in Changsha fell to her death from the 26th floor.
There are only two young children left, the eldest is 8 years old and the youngest is just over 1 year old.
Then, on July 4, another 38-year-old mother, holding her seven-month-old daughter, jumped from the 24th floor and died on the spot.
The reason why the two jumped off the building is the "postpartum depression" that we are all familiar with.
In the face of the cute children around me, I don't know what kind of struggles they have had inside.
But in the end, they still couldn't get rid of this inner demon and let go.
Some people say
Didn't you just have a baby? As for the search for death and life?
The moment I saw the message, I was choked up for half a day and couldn't speak.
Over the years, are there still fewer mothers who have gone to the brink of extinction because of postpartum depression?
The 31-year-old Hunan mother left a 10,000-word suicide note and committed suicide by jumping off a building with a pair of children under the age of 3, and all three were killed.
Jiangbei's mother, 30 years old, holding a child who was less than 100 days old, fell to her death from the 17th floor.
Jinan's 28-year-old mother committed suicide by drinking pesticides and took away her 8-month-old daughter.
Piles of news, shocking.
Who would dare to say that postpartum depression is nothing more than hypocrisy?
They endured ten levels of labor pain, escaped amniotic fluid embolism... After experiencing disasters, she finally gave birth to a baby, but in the end, she still did not escape the ghost door of "postpartum depression".
Tragedies are repeated, and this is by no means just the effect of postpartum hormone secretion.
What ultimately pushes them to the brink of extinction is despair of life.
01
What are moms going through?
What is it like to be depressed after childbirth?
A netizen said:
If a man, just after a cesarean section, wants him to immediately put himself into a job that requires 24 hours on call and no income, no one will accept it.
But because of the title of "mother", it is required that women must smile and face it.
To make matters worse, if you don't do a good job, you will be blamed by everyone around you.
The transformation of roles, the psychological gap, the annihilation of the sense of value...
Before the mothers could adapt, they were sucked into the black hole of postpartum depression and swallowed up all their joys and sorrows.
Before that, a mother named Kathy Perfectly once made a sound in the form of photos on the Internet, which touched the hearts of countless mothers.
In the first photo, the room is tidy, playing with the child, and she seems to be "in good spirits".
But surprisingly, the second photo she posted was the reality and the truth.
The house was a mess, she was disheveled, sluggish, and unspeakably tired.
She said:
I had to pretend every day that I was fine because I was afraid of being told that I was weak and crazy, and I didn't want people to say I was a terrible mom.
But in fact, the real me is like that.
It has been said that because God could not be everywhere, He created Mother. Therefore, mom "should" be powerful, perfect, omnipotent.
This society has put too many labels on the mother, and also given the mother too much pressure and too high requirements.
So much so that postpartum depression, and even suicide by jumping off a building, have been "accused" of "princess disease".
I was so close to death, but you thought I was being a mischievous person.
They are saddled with too many misunderstandings.
How can you understand that the person in this world who needs to be understood and accepted the most is the mother.
02
Mothers of second children are more likely to be depressed after childbirth
Many families are busy having a second child, but they rarely think about whether their mother's heart is ready for a new one.
They take it for granted:
Have already experienced, regenerate one, how can you still be depressed?
But in fact, not only will the mother of the second child, but the situation may be even worse.
I saw a news item before:
A 40-year-old mother of two children in Zhejiang cried and told the psychiatrist: I want to kill two children and then commit suicide.
The husband did not care enough about her;
The mother-in-law has a conflict with her;
She works very hard with her children alone;
The eldest is still hostile to the birth of the second eldest and often has a little awkwardness with her.
Pile by piece, all became the shackles that oppressed her.
She was confined to the chores of caring for children all day, and felt that life had lost its meaning, so much so that she often cried at night.
For second-born mothers, the sacrifices during this period are unimaginable.
More seriously, if the emotions are always suppressed, non-postpartum mothers will also fall back into "depression".
A psychiatrist friend told me something.
She had previously received a mother, whose youngest daughter was three years old, and was eventually diagnosed with "depression".
Upon receiving this result, her husband was surprised and asked:
The children are so old, what else are you depressed about?
Mom's tears came down on the spot.
How many mothers, just like this in the misunderstanding, suffering pain.
How many openings to ask for help have been turned into silence by the phrase "many things, and sentimentality".
Therefore, compared with postpartum depression, the accusations and incomprehensions of those around us are more desperate.
03
The first year of having children is the hardest year in marriage
In the first year, the husband is a stunned young man who does not know how to take care of his wife and children, and the wife also has to complete the role transition from daughter to mother.
In the first year after giving birth, I had argued with my husband countless times and cried countless times, and I was depressed to the point of almost collapsing.
One night, I coaxed my child not to sleep, so I had to hold him upright. But I really didn't have the strength, so I called my husband to help.
And he opened his mouth and came:
I'm still busy, who makes you a child.
What I hate the most is that at the end, he still chanted:
You don't go to work, you don't coax anyone.
I was so angry that I suddenly trembled, and I went back to my mother's house that night.
Dad scolded him:
My daughter married you, not to be your nanny.
You are busy at work, and it is not easy for her to take the children all day. 24 hours a day, either feeding, or sleeping, changing diapers... When did you see her rest?
The two of you quarrel and talk, I don't care, but if you stab her like this and let her suffer so much grievance, I will be the first to be unhappy!
That night, my husband was at home by himself, took the child overnight, and apologized to me early the next morning with regret:
I finally know how tired you are, wife, I'm sorry.
My father was still very distressed, and kept telling me:
When you become a mother, you must learn to cherish yourself more!
During that time, if it were not for the understanding and help of my parents, I did not know what would have collapsed.
04
The husband's understanding and love
It's as if I'm sick, but because I don't cough, no one in the family knows I'm sick.
In an interview video, a mother said this.
With postpartum depression, she will feel that she is "the most useless mother in the world", but in fact, they are not easy, they really need to understand.
They don't need the man, how much work they have to do, how much money they make.
As long as you can listen to your mother talk more and encourage her to pour out her troubles, it is very useful.
Someone asked: How can a husband comfort a wife who is depressed after childbirth?
One of the high praises answered:
I had experienced my wife's postpartum depression before, and those dark days were so memorable.
Please take your wife to the doctor! Doctor! Doctor!
Finally, unconditional support for her! Support her unconditionally! Support her unconditionally!
Say important things three times.
The love and understanding of the husband is the courage of the mothers to overcome the postpartum depression.
In an interview, one mom said:
When my husband was helping me change my dressing, I asked him, "Are my wounds ugly?"
My husband's answer was, "No, you look at it like a smiley face."
After that, I never felt my wounds ugly again.
Yes, as long as he is around, as long as he is willing to understand, our hearts will become warm.
In fact, women don't want much, that is, men's understanding and acceptance.
It's a strength and a sense of security.
Smart men will know how to cherish their wives.
Because a wife with a happy mood is the best blessing for a man!
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