Author: Left ear right ear
Have you heard of the International Day of No Hit Children? Maybe we hear more about "loving mothers are many failures" and "strict teachers are high disciples", and I used to be the same. But after suffering from cancer, I thought a lot, and gradually, I had a different understanding of the parent-child relationship and the education of children.
On this special day, I would like to write about my mental journey along the way, give other parents a wake-up call, leave a thought for my children, and make a record for myself.
I have two cute babies, Dabao is the Year of the Rabbit and Little Treasure is the Year of the Monkey. My education of my children has always been strict, I am afraid that Dabao will be complacent because of a little achievement in the process of growing up, I am always suppressing, I teach him that "pride makes people progress, and humility makes people progress", so I always criticize education, and I don't pay attention to the tension of parent-child relationship.
The situation in my family is a typical "father absent", the child's father has been working in the field before, until Xiaobao was born, he did not work at home, but he was always busy until late at night; and as a father, he is also a wooden person, not good at words. The children come to me as a mother for everything, and I also enjoy this feeling of being needed and happy, and although life is a chicken feather, it is also warm.
I never thought I would be absent from my child's growth. When the children were young, I imagined the children's future family building, when I would change from a "good mother" to a "good mother-in-law", and I would never let the children become sandwich cookies.
But the sky is not the limit. Dabao was just in the first grade, and when Xiaobao was one year old, I was diagnosed with advanced lung cancer.
Only then did I realize that Death was so close to me that it could take me away at any time.
After the sadness, I actively fought cancer, and at the same time gave More time and patience to Xiao Bao, because he was still young and could not do without my mother, how could I abandon him alone in this world?
But dabao was inadvertently ignored by me at this time, like a light boat, floating alone in the sea. He has just stepped into the school gate and faced that new environment alone, will he be bullied by his classmates? He may have wanted to talk to his mother, but I was treated in a hospital hundreds of kilometers away, so I had to let him go to a friend or colleague's house for a few days. He complained that there was no way, and slowly learned to bear it alone.
If you think about it, Dabao is only a 7-year-old child, how much can he bear? How could he understand why his mother didn't have time to spend with him? Finally, last summer, he couldn't bear it, he "asked me for help" and he wrote me a letter. He apologized to me in the letter, saying, "Mom is sick because of me, and I will be obedient and just ask my mom to be well soon." "He won't even sleep at night, afraid that he won't see his mother again when he falls asleep."
This letter finally made me realize that although he is a "little man", he is also a child who needs his mother's careful care. I consulted with a counselor and found that he was seriously insecure; I also learned the importance of parent-child relationship through learning--I had previously criticized the wrong way of education and should affirm and encourage children in a timely manner. So I also made up my mind to change myself.
I apologize to Dabao. "You are your mother's first child, your mother is also the first time to become a mother, there will be a lot of things that are wrong and need to be corrected, I hope you can forgive your mother." 」
In the past, I would never talk about "love" and "love" with my children, let alone hug my children, but now I understand that love needs to be expressed. I gave Dabao a deep hug and told him that his mother loved him and that he would always be his mother's baby.
At the same time, I also changed the education of criticism and suppression, and I learned to listen to my children's complaints.
I used to talk to him very rarely, and like many adults, I thought "little farts don't understand anything." Now I always listen to him with a smile on my face, and every day after school, I take the initiative to talk to him about the interesting things I did at school today. Don't talk about not knowing, a chat is frightened, everyone knows everything, from the current affairs news, to the details of life, the big treasure is open to come. The last time the astronaut returned to Earth safely, and when he summed it up before going to bed, he said more than I knew.
Dabao will gradually share with me what he is happy about. A few days earlier their school organized a class soccer match, he was the goalkeeper, and after the wrap-up match, he was second in his class. He proudly told me how many balls he had blocked into the goal, and that he had been hit in the eye by the ball (today the teacher talked to me about it, saying that he insisted on playing with an injury, and the teacher was distressed). But I'm glad that my children will share the joy with me, which shows that our parent-child relationship is getting better and better, and my changes are effective.
I decided that in the future, no matter what the situation, I would take the time to talk with him. I remember that after I was diagnosed, Dabao would often wake up crying late at night, and recently he had not appeared for a long time; seeing him during the day, he was also getting more and more sunny and smiled.
We always say that we should educate our children well and not physically punish them. In fact, the quality of parents is getting higher and higher, and there are fewer and fewer violent incidents of really beating children, but they are more inclined to use verbal violence and cold violence to deal with a young child. If you don't agree, you can open the machine gun to strafe, where can the child resist? They don't even understand what they've done wrong, and they don't know how to express their inner trauma. I am now more and more sympathetic to these "weeping snails".
Last night, I participated in an extracurricular "little reporter" parent-child activity, the last link was the children to express gratitude to their parents, many children said with emotion: "Mom, you have worked hard, I love you." The host found the corresponding parents of the children to respond, and guess what?
Most parents hold microphones and count the number of children on the line: If you know that I am hard, you will not do anything... You apply for these extracurricular classes only three minutes of heat, the class is not serious, the homework is not completed...
These future flowers are still young in their hearts, so they have been poured with a basin of cold water on their backs, will they still be enthusiastic about their parents in the future? I know that these children are wounded inside and that the wounds will not heal for a long time. I must restrain myself and not be such a mother!
Last semester, a friend's sister had kidney cancer, only a month of anti-cancer time, and the last moment wanted to go home to see it could not be achieved. And her child, with the departure of her mother, completely closed her heart. Not playing with other people, not talking, not laughing, little child, how heart-wrenching. Every time I saw her I would take the initiative to hug her and tell her that I loved her, and even though she didn't respond to me with anything, I did it anyway. I wonder what my children should do in the future, whether someone will treat them like this...
Thank God, it is not too late for me to wake up, so that I still have the opportunity to remedy, to correct, to learn. I try to restrain my emotions, and I will also put down the so-called parental figure to play a small animal for the children, all efforts are only to repair the parent-child relationship and make the communication between mother and child closer.
I took them to see "A Day in life" and "A Brief History of Life" and gave them the meaning of popular science. Every creature will come to the end of its life, and mom's task is to teach them skills and tell them to follow mom and learn. Kids, we'll meet again, remember how I looked, maybe next time it's mom's turn to be your baby.
Through the study of "The Best Farewell", I came to say "goodbye" to the children. How short life is, how can I waste time scolding children. I want to use the rest of the time to spend with the children, let them remember the most beautiful appearance of their mother, and forget that their mother was once a "tigress" who lost her temper.
I wish I could turn back the clock. I will give my children the best "psychological upbringing" when they first come into the world, not just material food, clothing, shelter and transportation. I am even more ashamed of Dabao, did not give him a happy childhood, leading him now to talk about when he was a child and think of all my not, and I only dare to look forward to the future with him.
In the future, I will firmly remember that "a good parent-child relationship is the best family education". When I was diagnosed with lung cancer, I had only one thought in my mind: I didn't want to leave my children, and I hadn't grown up with them. I'm worried that the children are going astray during the rebellious period, I'm worried that his dad can't take care of the kids, I'm worried that my stepmother abuses Xiaobao, who is too timid; I worry...
I was worried too much, I even worried about the child addicted to the game and did not let him use electronics, now know that this is not the right approach, I can not choke on food. So signing an agreement to stipulate the use time, this is also to train his self-control ability, to be the owner of the mobile phone, but also to hope that he will be the master of his own life, so that even without me, he can live well. Because even if I wasn't sick, my mother wouldn't be able to spend her whole life with my child.
After almost 4 years, I am not as worried as before, so I am suffering from gain and loss. The children are growing up step by step, and I have been preparing to say goodbye, leaving them as much as possible in the form of photo albums and diaries. We don't know which of tomorrow and accidents will come first, and what's more, we have already received the verdict of death.
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Lead a snail for a walk
Author Zhang Wenliang
God gave me a task
Tell me to take a snail for a walk.
I can't go too fast, the snail has tried its best to climb, why is it always a little bit every time?
I urge it, I bluff it, I blame it.
The snail looked at me with apologetic eyes,
It's as if to say, "People have tried their best!" ”
I pulled it, I pulled it, I even wanted to kick it.
The snail was wounded, it was sweating,
Gasping for breath and climbing forward...
Why did God tell me to take a snail for a walk?
"O God! Why? ”
The sky was silent.
"Alas! Maybe God caught the snail and went! ”
All right! Let go!
Anyway, God doesn't care, what else do I care?
Let the snail climb forward, and I sulk in the back.
Hey? I smell the flowers,
It turns out that there is a garden over here.
I feel the breeze,
It turned out that the breeze in the night was so gentle.
Slow down!
I hear birds chirping, I hear insects chirping.
I saw how bright the stars were in the sky!
Hey? How come I didn't have such a delicate experience before?
I suddenly remembered, could I be wrong?
It was God who told a snail to take me for a walk.
educating children,
It's like taking a snail for a walk.
With children,
Through his childhood and youth,
though
There are also times when you are mad and lose patience,
however
Children unconsciously show us the first and most beautiful aspects of life.
The child's vision is frank,
The child's perspective is unique,
Why don't parents slow down,
Put your own subjective thoughts aside,
Accompany the child to quietly taste the taste of life,
Listen to the echo of the child's inner voice in the world,
Give yourself a little time,
Sticking your head out of your endless life,
Among them, it is not only children.
Children are the loveliest people we have ever seen in the world
This article is for all the moms and dads who are busy.
Don't let your child become a snail in tears.