There are thousands of people in this world, but each person's personality, growth process and family are different, just like people's fingerprints, unique. The child's character formation process is very much related to the family environment. Children's personalities are diverse, some optimistic, some open, and of course some inferior.
Children with low self-esteem will generally be more sensitive, and they will think a lot about many things, very humble, never feel safe, and when they encounter things, they will only suffer silently. A little girl, the parents of the family are not very good feelings, the father is very strong at home, the father is also very fierce to her, not very good to the mother. The two often fight, which makes her very inferior from childhood, and she is just a quiet child in front of her classmates, whether in terms of grades or in other aspects, and even makes her feel that she should not live in this world...
There are actually many such children, and some children even live more humble lives, and they generally come from such families.
Complain to your child often
Parents complain about their children, mainly in the following mentalities:
Family conditions are not good, hope that children can be sensible, do not bring additional financial burden to the family;
The family conditions are good, to avoid the child to develop the bad problem of spending money, I hope that the child will learn to be diligent and thrifty;
I hope that children can be grateful to their parents and understand that it is not easy for parents to earn money.
Cause the child's lack of self-confidence, and even inferiority. Most parents complain to their children about their own poverty and unhappiness in their lives. Poverty is the easiest to make people inferior, most of the time parents cry to their children poor, will only make the children's hearts become depressed, and even make the children feel inferior. If the child is inferior when he is young, even if he grows up, the situation has changed, but the things in his bones cannot go.
I have seen a story about "What is it like to be cried poor by my parents all day long but my family is not like this, and I can only listen silently?" I was impressed by the topic, some of whom replied:
"They left unforgivable damage in my upbringing, extreme inferiority and depression, no correct view of money, and never a sense of security." I want to burn all the money in the world, and I really can't stand it. ”
"When I didn't dare to go to the mall and didn't know the price, and even when I didn't know how much UNIQLO cost, I didn't dare to go in and see, I was afraid that the things I liked were too expensive for me to buy, so it was better than never seen it."
When parents cry to their children, you don't know that the children are buying snacks and eating at will with other classmates in the class, and you can only pretend that you don't like to eat.
I don't know the extreme insecurity in the child's heart, carefully calculating, and dare not let the parents spend a little more money, for fear that it will increase the family's financial burden.
Education is originally a matter that has nothing to do with rich and poor, and parents educate their children, not to let him carry a heavy family burden, but only to let him support himself and support his own sky.
It will only hit the child
Never praise the child
Chinese parents are always more subtle and modest, they always like to hit their children, but they are very stingy with their praise.
In a saying from my hometown, children cannot afford to boast, and when they do, they will their tails (referring to pride).
Therefore, when the child does a good job, there is no praise, only cold water.
When the child takes the first place, the parents say, don't think that the first place you are very great, there are people who are bigger than you, don't be proud.
When outsiders praise their children: not as good as you say, you have not seen him mischievous.
When a child makes a mistake, there is no comfort, only a blow.
"How can you be so stupid, such a simple problem can't be, what is your brain for?"
"From childhood to adulthood, you will humiliate me, never give me a face!"
A word casually said by parents, like a sharp knife, is deeply rooted in the child's heart, so that the child constantly denies himself in the blows of his parents, constantly dislikes himself, and becomes more inferior day by day, and cannot look up day by day.
People are eager to be affirmed, if you want your child to become confident, parents must abandon percussion education, full of love and praise, will only make children more excellent, more confident!
Always love to compare
I believe that many children have the most hated person, that is, other people's children.
Other people's children are hardworking and capable, and never let their parents worry.
Other people's children have excellent academic performance and are the first place in each exam.
Other people's children are versatile, singing, dancing, and playing the piano.
Therefore, in this comparison, the child becomes more and more inferior, and when he encounters something, he thinks that I can't do it, I won't, I can't do it.
They try to prove themselves to their parents again and again, but they are defeated by other people's children again and again, and every time they mention "other people's children", in fact, they are degrading their children again and again, and growing up in this environment for a long time makes the originally cheerful children become introverted, and the positive efforts of children are not recognized.
In "The Boy Says", a girl stands on the roof and cries and shouts to her mother:
"Can you please stop comparing me to other people's children, your own children are also working hard, why don't you take a look?"
Mom's explanation was bizarre: "Your character needs to be hit, or you will drift!" ”
This mother even said to her daughter, you are so bad, how can Xueba be friends with you, in the eyes of the mother, her own children will never be as good as other people's children.
Parents do this, the wish behind it is to motivate their children through comparison, let him learn from better children, work hard, and make more progress.
The idea is good, but what about the result? Can such an approach stimulate a child's motivation to learn and make him active?
But in fact, this is not only difficult to play a motivating role, but also damages the child's self-esteem, self-motivation, and even affects the development of children's interpersonal communication and self-awareness.
In fact, everyone has the potential to be inferior, psychologist Adler said, everyone is born with inferiority.
Children with inferiority are full of pain in their hearts and full of depreciation of themselves.
Obviously, parents want to make their children better, but they push their children into the abyss of inferiority.
So, please take a good look at yourself, are you killing that sunny and confident child?