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When it comes to the pros and cons of having boys and girls, we always have a vivid phrase to describe, whenever the doctor comes out of the delivery room, they call the boy "Construction Bank" and the girl "China Merchants Bank".
In fact, happy parents of one-child families are nothing more than concerned about the following points: pension problems, economic pressures, and problems after their children become a family. Let's first look at the statements of the three people who came over
@ Si Yu: In fact, regardless of the birth of boys and girls, as long as the child has filial piety and remembers to give the parents a pension, a son or daughter to take care of both sides of the four elderly people at the same time The pressure is very large, but relatively speaking, the only child is a little less than the pressure of the only child's family pension.
According to the saying of raising children and preventing the elderly, parents naturally follow their sons to the elderly, and there will be no worries and worries, but following the daughter's pension generally depends on the son-in-law's face, which is a bit uncomfortable.
@ Tomorrow's Sunshine: When the boy gets married, he has to ask his parents to take off a layer of skin, the house, the car, the bride price money is as indispensable, and even the parents' pension money is opened up, and the life really wants the life of the parents, but in fact, when the daughter gets married, she also has to prepare a rich dowry, which is also very troublesome, but the boy's pressure is obviously greater.
@ elderly second-born mother The first child is an only child who married at the age of 20, and the family suddenly became a lot deserted.
Coupled with the past two years of the epidemic daughter in the hospital can not come back, live in the man's home, my husband and I are even more uncomfortable, now the second child gave birth to a boy almost two years old, heard friends say that giving birth to a boy is "Tim" population, sons before marriage and most of them live with their parents, if we have children, we will not be lonely, although it is still early, but just around the corner.
A project study entitled "Children's Gender and Parental Happiness in the New Economic Period" analyzed and explained in detail the sample of 4309 families in 72 prefecture-level cities in China, and the results of the analysis were as follows: Parental Happiness Index at 0-1 years old: Giving birth to boys > girls, 1-3 years old: giving birth to girls > boys, 6-12 years old: giving birth to girls = giving birth to boys, 12-18 years old: giving birth to boys > giving birth to girls, 18-30 years old: giving birth to girls> giving birth to boys.
It can be seen that from the perspective of material interests alone, the first advantage of the only female family is that the parents have little economic pressure, and usually do not need to buy a house and a car for their daughters, but with the improvement of women's status, many qualified families will also try to prepare for the future of their daughters.
In terms of spiritual interests, the daughter, as the intimate little cotton jacket of the parents, is generally more worry-free and obedient than the boy, so is it easier to raise a daughter? not necessarily.
Unlike boys, girls attach great importance to real-life relationships and emotional communication, while boys' personal value is not so strong in interpersonal relationships, which alone can cause countless parents a headache.
According to statistics, before the age of 13, the proportion of men and women suffering from depression is equal, and after the age of 13, girls are twice as likely to suffer from depression as boys - the good guidance of parents and interpersonal skills determine the happiness of their daughters in the second half of life.
From the perspective of the happiness of children
In fact, in the author's opinion, the difficulty of raising a daughter with independent and confident maturity is actually very high, especially the requirements for the father are particularly high, and in real life, girls with poor interpersonal relationships usually have a good relationship with their fathers. A study in the United States showed that children raised by men have higher IQs, better grades, and are more likely to succeed in society.
Because men represent bravery, adventurous spirit, decisive and independent, this happens to be a high-quality woman must have, there are surveys show that nearly 70% of Children in China will not take the father as the first choice to seek help when encountering difficulties, the lack of father love is a common phenomenon in modern society, which requires many families who want to have daughters to consider carefully, such as some fathers when they are young do not know how to deal with women, because the way of love is not right, the daughters raised will have a large degree of personality problems.
As for raising a strong, brave, and confident boy, the father's influence is also greater than that of the mother. For boys, father means security and companionship, which is the spiritual strength on the road of hard life, and many boys grow up to be a copy of their fathers, which is almost unchangeable.
From the perspective of educational psychology, "high-value" mothers help to raise "high-value" daughters, but if the "value" of the mother is significantly higher than that of the father, it is not conducive to the growth of boys.
Therefore, if we want to choose an only child or an only child, if we want to start from the perspective of the child's happiness, then we must start from the current situation that the parents can do.
From the perspective of parental happiness
In the final analysis, it is still related to whether the parents work hard and save the family foundation when they are young, whether it is an only child or an only child, young parents must work hard and save the family foundation.
As far as possible, there is a monetary guarantee before the birth of the child to deal with various basic social problems, so that it is responsible for the whole family, and more money can be used to avoid worries in the next few decades of life, children's marriage, and pension.
Secondly, the children are the parents of the golden mountain silver mountain, will education is actually more important than will make money, before a period of time is very popular prenatal education, in fact, the earlier the start of education preparation, the better, so the parents of only children, no matter what the family conditions, must pay attention to the child's education.
Not only textbook knowledge, but also psychological knowledge, physical and mental health should be paid special attention to, when the child has a job, there is a ability to have decades after the parents do not have to worry too much, can avoid a lot of drawbacks.
There is also a point of parental mentality, with the opening and progress of the times, the concept of old-age care is also changing, and even the concept of "raising children and preventing the elderly" is also changing, blindly thinking of relying on sons and daughters to ensure the happiness of the old age, the greater the expectation, the greater the disappointment.
Although the pension is the obligation of children, today's young people will choose to take some diversified ways of providing for the elderly, which are very common, especially the post-00 generation, it is likely to be stingy with their own companionship time.
In fact, children's filial piety is really related to the education of parents, the way of providing for the elderly is not important, the most important thing is that the children's filial piety is good, as a parent, you must relax your heart and learn to keep pace with the times in order to enjoy your old age.
In addition to the parents' gender preferences, the investment in the education of children determines the happiness of parents in the second half of life, each of our lives has a meaning of existence at each stage, and we are investing in our own later stages of life, so happiness is always in the hands of those who are full of hope for the future.
- The End -
Author | Tommy
Edit | Rain
The First Psychological Writing Group | A group of young people who like to look up at the stars
参考资料：Bruk, A., Scholl, S. G., & Bless, H. (2018). Beautiful mess effect: Self–other differences in evaluation of showing vulnerability. Journal of personality and social psychology, 115(2), 192-205