Text/Laughing Snow Parenting Thinking
My son is in the second grade, recently finished learning the first unit of Chinese, yesterday afternoon after returning home from school, he can't wait to share with me: "Mom, you should pay attention to the tone when you criticize me in the future!" ”
I thought to myself, why, such a little child is going to take care of the adults?!
The son continued, "Mom, the teacher said in class today that when people talk to each other before, they should pay attention to the tone, and they can't use a blunt tone to communicate things. You sometimes talk to me bluntly, for example you say – hurry up and get your homework done! ”
I took his textbook, and sure enough, the first unit study garden there, it was true. It seems that this child understands what is called "learning to apply"!
Although my son and I reached a consensus on this matter later- in the future, both mother and son should pay attention to the tone when speaking, and do the "civilized language" in the textbook.
However, as a parent of the second grade of primary school, I think it is really difficult to be a "zero yelling" mother!
Calling the baby to get up in the morning, staring at the baby to write homework at night, correcting the child's small problems, cultivating the baby's good habits, etc., these are obviously small things in daily life, but every minute will make the mother become a "roaring king". Ask yourself, who wouldn't want to be a gentle mom? But in the face of children's friction, procrastination, and non-cooperation, anxiety, impatience, etc. will make the mother's gentleness cease to exist, and even the speed of speech will involuntarily accelerate, and the voice will gradually improve and evolve into a "roar".
In fact, "yelling education" will bring great harm to the growth of children, and even soon let parents suffer the consequences of self-inflicted evil - "poor parent-child relationship, children's temperament is irritable / emotionally out of control / moody / twisted temperament, mother image is nothing."
One day last week, when I came home from work, I met the neighbor's eldest sister, who smiled and asked me, "Did I hear you and your baby quarrel once during the holidays?" "I opened my mouth — the sound of the quarrel penetrated the wall to the neighbor's house, which showed how loud I was yelling!"
However, I can't remember what it was because of, after a long time to remember, it turned out that one day, when I was working at the unit, I found that the child used the tablet at home to watch the cartoons stored in the Baidu network disk, and I always saw that I came home from work, I was furious at the time, and I was angry, and I was crazy shouting at the child, and the child seemed to be scared silly by my reprimand, standing there and not daring to move.
Now think about it, why bother! For the child, rather than mistakes, he should be more afraid of the parents' angry attitude at that time! "It's like eating people," my son describes when he gets angry.
"Roaring education" vs "whispering education", which one are you?
After becoming a parent, how to scientifically educate children and guide children to grow up healthily is also a "compulsory course" for parents. In daily life, "whisper education" is actually more powerful than "roaring education".
Some parents said, "Yelling and scolding this way can make parents instantly gain a sense of strength and control, and can offset the frustration brought by children to themselves."
Some parents believe that "tantrums are just a last resort, in order to educate their children." ”
However, this is only an instantaneous "pleasure", so that the out-of-control adult is released and cathartic when he is angry, but he did not expect that yelling + reprimanding/insulting, etc., will soar in the harm index of the child. More importantly, tantrums not only have no educational function, but are also "anti-educational", that is, the greater the parent's temper, the worse the educational effect on the child.
In family education, what we need more is "whisper education" to be a gentle, rational, and non-emotional parent. Specifically, it is not to be a "yelling" parent, not to be a tantrum parent, not to be an emotional parent, to remember that the child is your hope, not your "punching bag".