Text/Laughing Snow Parenting Thinking
For most people, what kind of life their parents have, and what kind of life their children have, but there are also many children who have a completely different life from their parents.
In our impression, the parents are the family of the bully, and the child born should be the bully, but in fact, the phenomenon of "parents double learning bully, raising children is scum" is not uncommon.
A few days ago, I brushed a video, which was a mother's complaint about her child. She and her husband both have 985 masters, and after graduation, they settled in Beijing through talent introduction. From this point alone, I think this couple should be proper academic bullies when they are studying.
The mother said that her son has been accompanied by his master's father to write homework since the first grade of primary school (it can be concluded that the couple attaches great importance to their children's education), and now that they are in their third year of high school, they are proper "scum".
That is to say, although this child has a "bully gene" + parents who attach importance to education + go to school in Beijing, which is leading the national education, it is reasonable to say that the time and place are favorable and the people are occupied, and learning should not be a problem, but it has become an example: not only poor learning but also a "bar spirit" in personality, often provoking parents to be angry.
"Parents are both learning to bully, raising children is scum", what is the root cause of this phenomenon?
I think it should be that there is a problem with the way of family education and the way of getting along with parents and children.
Family education methods and parent-child relationships
On October 23 last year, the 13th National People's Congress passed the Law of the People's Republic of China on the Promotion of Family Education, which clarifies the responsibility of family education.
At the same time, it defines family education as "the cultivation, guidance and influence of parents or other guardians on the moral character, physical fitness, life skills, cultural accomplishment, behavior habits and other aspects of minors to promote their comprehensive and healthy growth."
The era of family education according to law has arrived! I think that the reason why the state promulgated this law is related to the lack of scientific and effective family education by many parents, or how to educate their children!
Burke's Lifelong Developmental Psychology has a special chapter on child parenting, which is divided into four ways, namely authority, authoritarian, laissez-faire and inquisitive, as shown in the following figure.
Among them, the authoritative child parenting method is the most successful child parenting method, which is manifested in a high degree of acceptance and participation of children, appropriate control skills and a certain degree of autonomy.
Authoritative parents are more kind and concerned about their children, and more sensitive to their children's needs, and in this way of education, parents and children are more likely to establish a pleasant, emotional parent-child relationship, and they are closely linked.
Children who grow up in this kind of family education background are more likely to obtain "optimism, self-control, persistence, cooperation, high self-esteem, social and moral maturity, and good academic performance". (Burke's Lifelong Developmental Psychology, p. 297)
Then again, why do the xueba families appear to be xueba babies?
I think that as a bully parent, I will pay more attention to the learning and growth of my children, and hope that my children can be as successful as themselves, go through five levels, cut six generals, and embark on the road that has been confirmed by parents.
What does this lead to? It is that parents pour too much attention into their children, and even more or less compare them with their performance when they were young.
As the saying goes, "the nine sons of the dragon are different", each child has a different life form, and what suits you may not be suitable for him. Parents graduate from Tsinghua, and their children may not be able to be admitted to Tsinghua.
But when parents have too high expectations for their children, it will inevitably lead to education "out of control".
For example, xueba teaches the baby, teaching once or twice, two or three times is quite patient, but if the child still does not understand and does not understand, adults may roar the child with emotions, because in the eyes of the parents of the bully, this is already simple and can not be simple, but why does this baby not understand it?
When the child does not understand, the parents' questioning will seriously hurt the child's heart and bring pressure to the child, which is the cause of the child's boredom.
Moreover, for the child, when the parents roar, his brain becomes a paste, and he cannot listen to anything, let alone think. This negative effect will bring frustration to the child, and slowly it will really get worse and worse.
In addition, not parents can accompany the homework to accompany the school bully children, but also to see how to accompany, under normal circumstances, the lower grades of primary school to the children to develop good learning habits, the upper grades of primary schools can basically get rid of hands, if to junior high school, high school also need to accompany the homework, can only say that parents did not use the right method.
This is like the previous spit on the child's bully mother, when she said "the first grade began to accompany the writing of homework", although I do not know how many grades to accompany, but she did not realize that you think that from primary school to accompany the baby to write homework, is their own pay, and even moved by their own pay, but in fact, doing so will affect the child's autonomy in learning.
After all, there is no bully who needs parents to force, watch, and accompany them to write homework from a young age (except when cultivating habits), and parents always "look" at the child, so that the child has been living in the family of the parents' "surveillance", such a child will not become a talent, and may even become an "enemy", and the parent-child relationship will no longer exist.
In short, raising children, parents know the scientific way of family education, maintain a harmonious parent-child relationship, and return learning to children, which is the right way.