Before seeing a kindergarten collection of wish cards on the Internet, children's wishes are various.
"I hope to go to work with my mother every day", "I hope my father can take me to the playground on weekends", "I hope my mother will accompany me more"...
To the surprise of the teachers, most children's desire is not to have beautiful clothes, fun toys and other material needs, but around the company of their parents.
Parents are the first people who connect their children to the world, and through interaction with their parents, children build self-awareness and learn to get along with the world.
It is not how important the accompaniment itself is, but the positive emotional interaction such as love and warmth in the process of companionship, so that children can learn to love and be loved, and have a better connection with people.
"Companionship" is not equal to "accompaniment", many parents seem to be accompanying their children, but in fact, they are "in Cao Ying's heart in Han", seemingly with their children, either looking at mobile phones or wanting to work, such a phenomenon of "hidden loss of companionship" is becoming more and more serious.
The quality of a child's growth is never determined by the time of the parent's companionship, but by the quality of the companionship.
How to achieve high-quality companionship?
On this issue, Taiwan's family education community gave their research results many years ago.
High-quality companionship must comply with the "123" rule.
The so-called "123" rule is that parents and children do any of these 3 things once a day for 20 minutes at a time:
Read books together, play games together, chat together.
01. Read books together
The University of Edinburgh in the United Kingdom has done a large-scale survey for more than 50 years, and the results have found that:
After the age of 7, for every level of reading, after 35 years, the annual income will increase by 5,000 pounds (equivalent to 4,400 yuan).
In the graded reading system of English, there are often 3-5 levels at an age stage. In other words, children with high reading levels have an average annual income of 200,000 more than children with low reading levels.
From this perspective, reading is a long-term stable, high-return investment in the future.
In addition, every parent-child reading is to save money in the "emotional account" of yourself and your child.
No child does not like to listen to stories, when he was young, he snuggled in your arms, followed your voice, into a fantasy storyline, he has unconsciously integrated the reading of books with the good feeling of warm companionship of his parents.
Because children are attached to this feeling, they will like to read in passing. (The opposite example is that reprimanding him while he is writing homework, and he will also associate this emotionally painful experience with homework, thus further rejecting homework.) ）
20 minutes of parent-child reading every day, which seems to be an inconspicuous habit, will become the best memory for you and your child, and it is also the best investment in your child's future.
02. Play games together
In the book "The Power of Play," Lawrence Cohen elaborates on the profound significance of play for a child.
Children need to find confidence in the game.
For the child, in his world, the parent is a powerful, authoritative being. In the game, he can change roles at will.
Adults can become a "stupid" person, and in the game where adults pretend to be weak, children can feel their own strength.
Children can express and release their emotions in such games and regain self-confidence.
The best communication with children is never about teaching, but about playing.
Games are not necessarily a serious sitting on a cushion to play with children, every little thing in life can become a game, but also can turn crisis into laughter.
For example, if a child does not like to brush his teeth, you can think of yourself as a toothbrushing robot, let the child direct you, and then change roles. So I found that the child had put the toothbrush in laughter.
When you go out and play, you pretend to be blind, let him lead you along, and show a nervous and scared look, the child will be very happy and responsibly take you home.
Playing with children, the biggest difficulty is not technology, but the need for parents to change their state of mind, "withdraw" themselves from the obsession of letting children "listen to the arrangement", see the child, crouch down, and communicate with him in a way that the child can understand.
03. Chat together
The Jewish secret of parenting is called the "Hayvolta" method of education, which is a way of parenting that has been passed down for thousands of years by Jewish families and has trained countless outstanding talents.
This method is simply to chat with your child every day and discuss various problems together.
In the process of discussing with your child, follow three elements:
Listen and express, explore and focus, support and challenge.
Listening means that parents listen to their children's expressions without judgment, and are not in a hurry to correct and express their opinions.
Use the way of asking questions and discussing to guide children to think for themselves step by step. Parents will express their own ideas, but do not force their children to listen to themselves.
Jews will chat with children every day at dinner, on the way to school, etc., in a relaxed and open chat atmosphere, cultivate children's independent thinking, lifelong learning habits and abilities.
04、
Years of practice have proved that if parents can carry out a high-quality parent-child interaction every day in accordance with the "123" rule, the effect is a hundred times stronger than staying with their children for several hours without sincerity and thoughts.
Companionship is not companionship, supervision, material satisfaction, let alone preaching and supervision.
Companionship is the whole body into the child's inner world.
Crouching down to accompany the child to see the world, "squatting down" refers to the action posture, with caressing and intimacy to convey love; "squatting down", refers to the inner posture, with equality and respect, open the door of the child's heart.
Click "watching", may every parent be able to give their children the most desired high-quality companionship!