Ms. Wu initiated divorce after 5 years of marriage. One drizzle afternoon, she asked me to meet at a tea house near Longtousi Park.
She looks like a capable female white-collar worker, with short hair, a dark suit that fits fits in fit, a small silk scarf with bright floral colors, a designer commuter bag... Sit down and start complaining about her ex-husband: how this Gemini man is not enterprising, covetous of pleasure; eat and wear are very exquisite, salary moonlight, family mortgage pressure all on her; after marriage, he is still keen to be a friend of women, he is happy to please women in words and deeds, and has more girlfriends than boyfriends.
I asked her to recall how she had been attracted to him in the first place. She said it was her first donkey ride, and he took good care of her, helping her carry her luggage, lending her his tent and going with someone else himself. "After getting married, I slowly understood that he was not only gentle and considerate to me, but also gentle and considerate to all women. The knowledge seems to be broad, but in fact, each one is a shallow taste. The so-called fun is just a little cleverness. ”
She suddenly seemed to understand: the most important thing for me at the moment is to forget about him as soon as possible, to clear all the traces of his life in my life, and to let everything start again. I think this is the right thing to do, but I understand the reason, but I can't do it, I am really ashamed.
I said that 5 years of time could not be lost because of a divorce certificate. You can't simply and neatly remove his traces, this is the common sentiment of people, there is nothing to be ashamed of. I encouraged her to first look at her own gray negative emotions of frustration and frustration after her divorce with a normal heart.
Next, I placed two empty chairs in front of her, the right side represented her, the left represented her ex-husband, and asked her to face the two empty chairs and relive their 5 years of married life as objectively and rationally as possible.
She froze for a moment, then cried silently. After gradually calming down, I said to myself: It turns out that marriage has come to this step, and there are too many reasons for myself. I was cold, selfish, and didn't have enough respect for him. He has been able to tolerate me for 5 years, it has been very difficult, divorce is a relief for him. However, we really can't live together, our outlook on life values are different, the personality difference is too big, and two people will be depressed and aggrieved after a long time together.
I say that when separation becomes a reality, don't deny love marriage itself, and don't assume that you are love incompetent. We must frankly admit the mistakes of this time, not choosing the right person, not doing well enough, and at the same time recognizing our responsibilities in the failure of marriage, no longer complaining and hating. Although the marriage has ended, after all, it was once an objective existence, and it is necessary to miss the company and dedication of the other party. There are indeed intolerable factors in marriage, divorce is a suitable option that is beneficial to both parties, and there should be no more anger and frustration.
Divorce can also be a kind of growth, such as trying not to carry the mistakes in this marriage to the next marriage, drawing nourishment from this ended marriage, and allowing yourself to read yourself, the ability to control your own emotions, and the ability to deal with marital problems. This is growth, but also to prepare for future marital happiness.
Author: Zhang Lou
Editor| Xie Bing guo juan