Source: Network
The language of parents is the "prophecy" in the child's heart.
01
In the United States of the last century, there was a boy who often asked questions in class that were not related to textbooks, which annoyed all the teachers who taught him.
One day, the boy came home from school and handed a note to his mother, telling her that it was given to him by the teacher and that only the mother could read it.
The boy's mother opened the note and read it aloud while weeping: "Your child is a genius, this school is too small for him, there is no good teacher to teach him, I suggest you teach it yourself." ”
Many years later, the boy invented the electric light and became famous in one fell swoop.
He was one of the world's greatest inventors: Edison.
Many years after his mother's death, Edison stumbled upon a note in the closet, the same one his teacher had given him. He opened the note and saw it read:
"Your child is mentally handicapped, we decided not to let him continue his education, and he was officially dropped out of school."
Edison burst into tears when he saw this, and he wrote in his diary:
"Edison was a mentally handicapped child, but his mother transformed him into a genius of the century."
When denied by everyone, Edison's mother did not blame the child, but regarded him as a genius.
Edison also kept his mother's words in mind when he grew up, showing a talent that was different from ordinary people.
Imagine if Edison's mother had read out the real notice on the note, would he have achieved anything else?
To give a positive evaluation to the child is to suggest to the child that he is a great child, thereby enhancing the child's self-confidence.
On the contrary, hitting the child and saying some negative things to the child will make the child get some negative hints and go in the opposite direction.
02
When I was in junior high school, there was a female classmate in the class, because she had a red birthmark on her face, so she was very isolated and inferior.
Whether she was walking or listening to lectures, she always buried her head low. The hair was also thick and long, covering half of the face tightly.
Since childhood, her parents have often looked at her face and sighed:
A girl, how ugly it is to have a birthmark on her face, it is really sad!
This birthmark is not good, how can it grow on the face?
If this birthmark can't be cured for a lifetime, how to marry out in the future!
Later, the female classmate underwent surgery in the plastic surgery hospital, and the birthmark on her face was removed by seven or eight points, plus makeup, and basically could not be seen.
But she still had low self-esteem, and still habitually walked with her head down.
From the moment she was born, her family has always hinted to her that having a birthmark on her face is ugly, and if she can't be cured, no one will like her in the future.
This "ugliness hint" has always been deeply rooted in her heart, even if the birthmark on her face is removed later, but the psychological "birthmark" is forever burned in the bottom of her heart.
Negative cues are mistakes we often make in our lives, such as:
This problem is so simple that you can't do it, but it's stupid!
If the child often hears this rebuke from his parents, he will often hint at himself in his heart in his future studies:
I have a low IQ, this time I must not be able to take the test, over time, I really became a poor student.
If a parent or teacher often says, "This child is smart, it's just too careless." ”
The child may often lose a point or two because of "carelessness".
Why?
Because there are too many psychological hints, children will really think that they are careless, thinking that this is the problem that they cannot change.
Psychological studies have found that the people who affect children's personalities the most are parents.
If parents often give their children some negative hints, and the child psychologically recognizes the negative hints of their parents, they will continue to move closer to the negative image described by their parents.
03
Negative cues can have a negative impact on the child.
Similarly, positive psychological cues can give children confidence and courage.
Professor Rosenta, an American psychologist, once did such an experiment:
He randomly selected several students at a primary school to take an intelligence test. After the test, he told the teacher that the children were very smart and would definitely achieve something in the future.
Eight months later, when Rosenta returned to the school, he tested several of the children on the list. He found that the children's grades generally improved a lot more than the first time, and the teachers rated them very well.
In fact, these students were randomly selected by Rosenta, but after the teacher got his information, he began to have high expectations and positive evaluations of these students.
These students receive positive attention and positive hints from the teacher, which enhances the self-confidence of learning and slowly begins to develop in a good direction.
This experiment also shows that positive cues are often more effective at educating children than other means.
04
Parental cues affect the child's direction, so how to make positive cues to the child? Parents may wish to try these 4 methods:
1. Encourage and praise your child with positive language
The famous psychologist Alver Red said:
Encouraging praise is more important than anything in the process of raising a child.
Almost all of the causes of a child's misconduct can be considered a lack of proper encouragement and praise.
A child who misbehaves is a child who is not encouraged.
For example, when a child cleans up her toys for the first time, the mother should give appropriate praise:
"The baby is awesome! Will sort out the toys by herself, better than my mother's! ”
The child is praised, and when the toy is messed up again, he will think of the mother's hint and take the initiative to clean up the toy.
2. Positive cues with the help of looks and expressions
Children can read out information in the micro-expressions of their parents in infancy to judge whether things are good or bad. Therefore, the expression of parents in front of their children will also have an impact on their children's mentality.
For example, if a child falls, if the mother rushes over to pick up the child, she will be full of self-blame.
When the child sees the mother's nervousness, he will amplify his emotions and feel that he really hurts when he falls. The more comforting my mother was, the louder she cried.
If the mother does not pick up the child in time when the child falls, but continues to do her own thing without changing her look.
The child read out from his mother's expression that this matter was not serious, and it was possible to cry twice and get up on his own.
Children will inevitably encounter difficulties and setbacks on the road to growth, and sometimes a look of encouragement from parents may enhance their children's self-confidence and enhance their courage to overcome difficulties.
Managing your micro-expressions well is a compulsory course for every parent.
3. Affirm the child's strengths, interests and hobbies
Parents want to see the shining point of their child.
Every child has their own merits. A child whose academic performance is not satisfactory may be a great basketball player or a talent for music.
Parents should respect their children's hobbies and encourage their children to do what they like.
Children are encouraged by their parents and may achieve amazing things in some area.
4. Set a good example for children
Parents are the best teachers for children, and their words and deeds will have the most direct impact on children.
The most positive hints, of course, start with the parents themselves.
When waiting for the bus, lead by example and take the initiative to queue;
Voluntarily give up seats to elderly people with limited mobility; throw garbage into the trash...
These insignificant little things in life will have a positive impact on children.
The good qualities of parents and the correct code of conduct are the best tutors.
A teacher once said: "A child whose mind is not yet fully developed is highly suggestive and easily swayed by the evaluation of those around him." ”
Please give your child more positive hints and less negative cues, so that your child can grow up healthy in a sunny and positive state.