Author: Liu Na
Highly educated boyfriend, high emotional intelligence male student, who is she going to choose?
1
I received a letter from an old friend who wanted to share it with more girls who were in love.
The letter reads as follows:
Sister Na, see the literal face.
When you go to graduate school, you are your fan. Now that I'm teaching at a college, I take time out of my day to read your articles.
Don't say much, just say the right thing.
One of my male students, repeatedly confessed to me, that he liked me.
After I made it clear to him that I already had a boyfriend and that my boyfriend was still very good, he was still chasing after him – the current child, really brave and terrible.
His pursuit of me manifests itself in the following 5 aspects:
First, he sent a WeChat message to tell me that I was his ideal girl and fell in love with me at the first sight.
Second, and his best buddies, asked me to dinner many times and gave me roses and cakes.
Third, every day, he will share interesting daily and hot events with me on WeChat, express his views, and try to prove that he is also excellent.
Fourth, he campaigned to become a cadre in the class and department, and told me: "This is all the credit of love, and I made him better." ”
Fifth, share with me his weaknesses and vulnerabilities, including his original dream was Peking University Tsinghua University, the third year of high school fell ill and fell ill, only to be admitted to this vocational college, fortunately met me Yunyun.
Sister Na, to tell the truth, my pursuit of him, at first very resistant, I am his teacher, and 9 years older than him, we are not likely at all.
However, his day-to-day pursuit made me very addicted and somewhat enjoyed.
Coupled with my boyfriend's doctoral studies in Beijing, he has not yet graduated, I am somewhat emotionally empty, this tall and handsome boy took advantage of the void, I pretended to be very serious on the surface, but my heart moved.
In particular, he knows very well how to please women and is very good at capturing women's emotions, while my boyfriend is busy with experiments and data every day for his doctoral dissertation, and can only take a very small amount of time to video with me.
In contrast, male students make me happier.
The worst thing was that the male student asked me to watch a movie the other day, and I hesitated and agreed.
In the movie theater, he kissed me, and I made the ghost messenger not refuse.
I could see that he was very excited, and understood this as a signal that I had promised to be his girlfriend, and the whole person was like a seedling in the drought for a long time, vigorous and wild.
I calmed down and felt sorry for my boyfriend.
My boyfriend and I have known each other since high school, he is not very romantic, rarely talks about love, but is very pragmatic, rigorous, reliable, and single-minded about me.
The reason why my boyfriend must study for a Ph.D. in 985 is that he wants to graduate from his Ph.D., teach at a university in my new first-tier city, and then settle down here, marry and have a baby with me.
My boyfriend and I know the roots, his parents are senior engineers, and my parents are both government workers.
And my male student is not very well-off, and his parents are divorced, he lives with his father and grandmother - on the other hand, does it also prove that he lacks maternal love, so he likes the older me?
Sister Na, my questions are mainly as follows:
I enjoyed the wild pursuit of male students in my heart, but intellectually decided that I had no future with him.
My boyfriend and I have been in love for many years and think he is a great marriage partner, but he is really not a romantic person.
I have had many times explicitly rejected the idea of rejecting male students, but the thought of my rejection will make him depressed and miserable, or even depressed, and I am worried that he will do extreme things.
I was not aware of the matter with the male student, except for one of his best friends, and I was actually very worried about the spread of the news, and the college leaders had an opinion on me, after all, I had only been working for less than two years.
Sister Na, look forward to receiving your letter and analysis.
Haruka wishes all the best.
2
Thanks for your trust.
If, the boy who chases you, is not an eighteen- or nineteen-year-old child, not your student, but your peers, then I will give you advice:
Make it clear with your boyfriend that you're in love with another person.
Let him do a good thesis, stay in Beijing after graduation, and stop worrying about the future of both of you day and night.
You have cheated mentally, and even if you marry him, you will cheat in the future.
Why?
Because a woman who cannot resist temptation cannot withstand the test of marriage.
A few words of praise from other men, a few days of pursuit, a few roses, a few love words, a kiss, can make her forget the 10 years of companionship, 10 years of giving, 10 years of keeping, 10 years of care.
Such a woman, it is best not to get married, all her life in the "this mountain looks at that mountain high" in the constant toss, from the arms of one man, to the arms of another man, to be an unmarried person who lives by love.
But.
The boy who chases you is your student, and you are 9 years older than him, you are his teacher, you have a responsibility to educate and guide him, and you yourself need to be alerted from this triangle relationship.
Therefore, the result of this matter is different -
3
You say that you want to reject the male students' pursuits.
But your body language, again and again, close to him, eat with him, watch movies, hold your phone and chat with him every day, listen to him hilarious.
Your attitude of wanting to make a fool of yourself is the male student's crazy pursuit of your confidence - you gave him hints and signals: "Chase me, come and chase me." ”
Why would you give him such an ambiguous signal?
First, as you said, your boyfriend is a simple and thick person, no flower intestines, no romantic mood, you long for romantic love.
The people we meet and the things we go through are the product of our needs.
However, empathy, it is precisely because your boyfriend is not a very romantic person, he only loved you from high school to now, he only studied all the way to the 985 Doctorate, and he only thought about how to graduate quickly and return to you to give you a warm and happy home when you flirted with other boys.
Sugar cane is not sweet at both ends, girl.
You can't get a man who is simple and simple, and you want him to have the affection of a prodigal son.
It wasn't fair to him.
Second, you jumped a pit that many young girls are prone to fall into, that is, to enjoy ambiguity.
You know very well in your own heart that you will not have a future with a male student, but you enjoy the feeling of being loved by him.
This is no different from a married man who picks up a young girl and enjoys adoration and admiration, but does not marry someone else.
But with all due respect, enjoying ambiguity, enjoying the feeling of the stars holding the moon in a polyamorous relationship, enjoying stepping on a few boats, and thinking that you can allocate more sexual resources is essentially a manifestation of inferiority:
Because I am not confident, I need to prove that I am loved by a lot of heterosexual and rotten peach blossoms.
Those who love only one person in their lives are not stupid, but their egos are solid.
Young girls often relish being chased by multiple men, but this is actually an illusion:
Being chased by many people does not prove how good you are, but it just proves that you are not clear in your head, do not know how to refuse, and do not know how to defend your boundaries.
Do not enjoy ambiguity, do not consume the true feelings of others, do not use ambiguity to hurt others, and be a.
This is my first piece of advice to you.
4
In your letter, the biggest worry is that if you reject the male student, you are afraid that he will collapse and even go to extremes.
It's your compassion, understanding.
However, I would like to tell you:
You, the male student, are not innocent.
First, he pursues you wildly even when he knows you have a boyfriend, which proves that he is a person with an extremely unclear sense of boundaries.
To put it mildly, he is acting as a disgraceful third party.
He has reached adulthood and it is necessary to realize that many people and things in this world are not what he wants to get.
As an adult, it is necessary to recognize early on:
Respect and reverence should be given to people and things who have masters of famous flowers, not plunder and possess.
Second, even if you don't reject him, sooner or later he will understand that "rejection" is a compulsory course for adults.
The process of most people growing up is essentially a process of constant "rejection".
You always want to take the first place, but the first place can't always belong to you.
You like good people, but good people don't necessarily look up to you.
You crave a high-paying job, but a high-paying job doesn't necessarily await you...
A person, especially a young child, should come out of the all-powerful narcissism early and look at people and things in three dimensions:
Neither others nor the world will function according to my will, nor can I be indulged and satisfied forever.
Therefore, I suggest that you find a suitable opportunity as soon as possible, go to the office to have a good talk with this boy, and then explicitly reject him, and say that in addition to things related to learning, you will not accept his invitation again, nor will you reply to his private messages.
Of course, for the sake of safety, before you communicate with him, I suggest that you first confess this matter to the main leader of the department, admit your mistakes, and make your attitude clear: "I don't want to give him any more fantasies." ”
Lest this child go to extremes, you get into trouble, or he slanders you, and no one testifies for you — it's not impossible, and the more passionately loved the person, the faster his face will change.
Learn to refuse, defend boundaries, know how to protect yourself, and see self-help.
This is my second piece of advice to you.
5
Male and female love or personal life, which is more important?
Looking at this proposition alone, I believe many people will answer, of course, it is important to be rich and life.
However, in real life, how many seemingly clever fools have lost their lives again and again because of the love of men and women.
Over the years, the protagonists of many scandals on the Internet, including stars like Wu Yifan, as well as religious beasts like Peking University and Shenyang, have ruined fame and fortune because of the relationship between men and women.
Men and women love, can not get on the table, but ruined the future.
Especially in schools with high moral requirements, especially the sensitive topic of teacher-student love.
Weigh it carefully and don't lose big because of small things.
You are the pride of your parents and your own glory.
You read hard all the way, defeating so many exams and puzzles, opponents and competitions, definitely not to stray into the deep gutters of peach blossoms and make a stink.
Rather, it is to run freely on the road and live as a beam of light.
Here are my three pieces of advice for you.
Girls, some people, obviously hold a good hand of cards, but play poorly, because they always love to be mean.
Don't be that kind of person.
Do the right thing, love the right person, live up to your efforts, and live out your own texture and weight.
This is not a multiple choice question, but a mandatory question.
Good luck with haruka.
END
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