I believe that many parents have had such an experience, that is, their children go to school happily, but when they return home, they look like they are gas bags.
Parents inquired carefully to find that it was the child who had a conflict with someone else.
What should parents do when a child clashes with other classmates? What kind of way should I deal with this conflict, whether to support the child unconditionally, or to make the child apologize first?
The different value orientations of parents will determine the direction of children's development and affect their outlook on life and values to a certain extent.
Since I went to kindergarten, my friend Dabao has had some conflicts with others.
Later, after communicating with the teacher, I found that it was the child who clashed with others because of the toy, and the teacher also advised me to let the child solve these things by himself, and the parents should not interfere too much, so why did the child break out into conflict?
01
The cause of the outbreak of conflict between children
Reason 1: Children are immature
Know that your child's behavior is controlled by their brains.
If the child's brain is relatively young, then the "amygdala" responsible for controlling emotional behavior is not mature, which may lead to some unexpected behaviors in the child.
For example, if a child has a conflict with someone else over something, the child will instinctively react emotionally and act "aggressively" in the face of the dangerous atmosphere emitted by the other party.
And these behaviors have not been thought by the child, is a subconscious reaction, which is also a manifestation of the child's brain development immature, according to studies have shown that the child's prefrontal lobe that controls behavior can not be fully developed until the age of 25.
Reason 2: Children have different personalities
Everyone is an independent individual, they all have their own unique personality, because each child's personality and living environment are different, so their views and cognitions of some things are not the same; this will lead to children often because of some small things and conflicts.
Reason 3: Children don't think about other people's feelings
When children are younger, their self-awareness is not yet comprehensive, and they will only consider their own feelings when doing things, not the feelings of others.
Two children who seem to be playing wrong, the next second may be because of a toy and a contradiction, which is the child's self-centered consciousness is at work, and it is also the main reason for the child's conflict.
02
Misunderstandings that parents may have when dealing with conflict with their children
Myth 1: Parents force their children to apologize
When children play with their peers, they are more or less always in some conflict because they all see things from their own perspective.
If you can't reach an agreement, it is easy to have contradictions and conflicts, but some parents always like to make their children apologize for the sake of face, and this kind of behavior of forcing children to apologize will actually have a very big impact on children.
In the long run, children will slowly open up relationships with their parents, stop playing with their peers, and become introverted.
On the surface, children seem to become more obedient to their parents, but in fact they choose to close themselves off.
Myth 2: Parents are partial to their children
If parents always like to favor their children, then there must be another child who will bear unfair treatment, and there must be one child who will be wronged, which is very detrimental to the child's mental health.
Let the children get along very unfriendly, and even let their children be excluded by others, unwilling to be friends with their children.
The biased party will deliberately "cause trouble" because they are "protected", and the unbiased child will slowly shut themselves up and lock themselves in their own world instead of explaining and communicating with others.
03
How parents should treat children who have erupted in conflict
1. Don't interfere immediately, learn to observe
There will be conflicts between children, but most of the time, these conflicts are only temporary, and it is very common for children who are still arguing one second to reconcile the next.
Because in conflict, children understand each other.
With just a little concession from the child, the conflict can be calmed down.
So don't care about the small conflicts between children.
Give them time, give them some chances, let them solve problems on their own, that's the most appropriate way.
In this way, they can accumulate their own experience in solving problems, thus avoiding conflicts with others after entering society.
Second, guide children to see the positive side
When children come into conflict, many children distort the facts or escape punishment for their own benefit.
At this time, parents should not immediately criticize and scold their children.
On the contrary, we should analyze the reasons for the matter and the child's position, and parents should learn to criticize the child for children who evade responsibility and distort the facts.
Letting children know is bad behavior.
As long as parents guide them correctly, even if their children do not perform well, they will be guided by their parents to a better tomorrow.
Third, let the child handle it on their own
When a child has an argument with someone else, if neither partner is willing to admit their mistake and thinks they are justified, the parents can guide them to resolve it peacefully.
For example, let them calm down, express their views separately, and ultimately solve the problem in a way that is acceptable to both parties.
Parents should learn to let go, encourage their children to solve problems on their own, and believe in their children's ability to solve problems.
In fact, it is often the small problems they can solve on their own that lead to disputes between children.
In life, everyone will more or less conflict with others, life will not develop with the growth of children, it is impossible for everything to change according to the wishes of children, and it is impossible for everyone to be child-centered.
As parents, what we need to do is to teach children to face and deal with "disputes" correctly, and slowly adjust and improve themselves in the process of "disputes".
| Proverbs 22:6|
To raise a child, to make him walk the path of the profession, even when he is old, he will not deviate.