01
What should a woman try to do in a marriage?
I once heard such a passage:
"You can figure out a man's money, a man's right, or even his good looks, but you can't figure him out to be nice to you." Because, you picture his money, then when he leaves you, you still have money; if you want his right, then when he leaves you, you still have connections; but if you only want him to be good to you, then when he leaves you, you have nothing. ”
Man, at a young age, always scoffs at such "vulgar" remarks. The idea that love should be sacred should not be desecrated by these "low-level" strings attached.
So I pursued the so-called true love. It seems that only by trying nothing can we show our loyalty to love. Passionately devoted to the "pure" marriage, but in the end can not escape the law of poor couples Pepsi lamentation.
Women who only want men to be good to her often lose a mess. On the contrary, those "gold worship women" who are trying to make money and houses and cars have a good life in the end.
So, women don't just want men to be nice to you.
What is "good"? It is just an emotional value that brings you comfort and pleasure. Yet the emotional value of most men is not worth anything at all.
A man who doesn't do the right thing all day long, and who is focused on pleasing you and providing you with emotional value, just shows that in addition to these, he can't give you anything else.
In the absence of anything, if he does not take out some soft and hard bubbles and make a low-lying posture, which girl will be willing to be with him? When the day he stops this emotional output, what do you have left?
02
Sakura is an only child from a modest family. Mom and Dad have always hoped that she will find a man with good conditions and not to suffer from life.
She found a boyfriend who had nothing.
Parents certainly disagree. They think that it doesn't matter if the boy has no car or a house for the time being, the key is that the other party does not even have a stable income, what is the purpose of marrying him?
"I'll just figure him out for my good!" With this in mind, Sakura insisted on marrying her boyfriend despite her parents' objections.
In the first year after marriage, her husband was still very kind to her as before.
He would pick up Sakura on time every day to and from work, even if sitting behind his electric car in the wind and rain, she felt happy; when he came home from work, he would always hand her a plate of fruit and let her eat while watching TV, and then go into the kitchen to prepare dinner; the laundry and mopping work never let Sakura touch it.
He is the husband, the driver, the cook and the nanny. Sakura felt that she was simply the happiest woman in the world.
When a person likes you, he will naturally be good to you. Because in the relationship, except for being masochistic, no one will want to be with a man who does not love himself. Therefore, when men pursue girls, they often pay more patience and love to win the favor of girls, which is the normal behavior of men.
Of course, girls can also covet the good of men. But "being good to you" is never just a basic condition for choosing a mate, and should not be the only condition you choose to spend the rest of your life with. Because no one can guarantee how long this "good" shelf life will be. If you only want a man to be good to you, then when he is not good to you on what day, what are you left?
I don't know when my husband changed. Sometimes Sakura was late for him to pick him up, and he always made excuses to let her take a taxi home by herself. The two often quarrel over who cooks and who does housework. Every day in the family, chickens and dogs jumped, and the days were a mess.
Sakura was full of grievances, and felt that she did not have the face to tell her parents, because she had swore that she would be happy to show them.
Later, her husband complained that the leader was tricky and the colleagues were difficult, so he quit his job and hid at home every day to play games and watch videos, waiting for Sakura to cook for him after work. Sakura pays him a monthly salary, and in addition to paying rent and water and electricity, she also pays him pocket money to buy cigarettes.
Sakura couldn't help but complain, "You're like this, when will we both save enough money to buy a house?" ”
The husband replied: "If you can't afford to buy it, you don't buy it, buying a house is to work for the bank, and a fool buys a house." ”
It is often said that love is not just said by mouth, but done by deeds. Girls must understand that judging whether a man loves you or not is not to see him cook you a few meals and send you an umbrella several times. Rather, it depends on whether he is a responsible and responsible person. A man, even the most basic material security can not provide you, what sense of responsibility can speak of?
People make the wrong choices sometimes. When we blindly pursue the good of men and put ourselves in a bad marriage, the best way is to stop the loss in time.
Sakura remembered that in the three years they had been married, they were either moving or on the way to move, living a life of uncertainty. In the past, how bitter and tired she was and her husband's "good" could support her to go on, because she always believed that as long as two people worked together, there would be love and bread.
Now, she sees no hope in her husband, and she has no meaning in insisting.
She filed for divorce. In addition to losing the youth of these years, he also bore half of the debts owed by her husband. She said remorsefully: "All that marriage has left me is negative assets." ”
03
Women, when choosing objects, must not only try to make men good to you.
As Sanmao said: "Marriage cannot be implemented for such small things as dressing, eating, and counting money, it cannot last long." ”
Having a full drink of water has never been just a lie.
What's more, whether he can continuously provide you with spiritual food is unknown. The initiative of "good to you" has always been in his hands. When he wants to be nice to you, he hates not being able to give you his life. What about when he doesn't want to be nice to you? May wish you had disappeared from his life.
A wise woman will not only try to be good for men.
Marriage is a lifelong thing, and taking the wrong step can bring disaster to our lives. So choose a marriage partner, this man should have other qualities in addition to being good to you.
For example, he must at least have a sense of enterprise. Supporting a family is a man's most basic family responsibility. A man who complains about work all day and leaves his job at every turn can't even give you basic living security, what happiness can there be in marriage?
In addition, his three views, character, economic strength, etc., should be the factors that we must carefully consider when choosing marriage.
Marriage is realistic, and it is not vulgar to talk about material things.
On the contrary, those illusory loves, such as the passage of a typhoon, will leave nothing but a mess.