I am super grandpa fat cat Lao Wang, today there is a chance to meet, @ Fat Cat Lao Wang Notes is to share the experience of learning with the baby and the baby's growth notes, focusing on the growth and development process of the baby and the learning and growth of parents and other fields, welcome to communicate with me.
Recently, when picking up Meimei to kindergarten, several parents talked about how their children watched TV for more than an hour, did not eat without watching, lost their temper and threw things away, cried and made trouble, and asked how my children were, whether there was a good way to correct.
Image from the web
Before answering this question, I usually ask if your adults often watch TV and brush their mobile phones? How much time do you spend with your children doing games and doing crafts together reading picture books together? Does the child want something to meet his needs immediately, and so on?
In fact, not only children, but also how many adults are not addicted to playing mobile phones, playing mahjong, watching TV, and chasing Internet celebrities?
There are many adults who are addicted to shopping, and they are not happy to open the shopping APP one day, and they buy things to the extent that they have to chop their hands! Don't buy and want to buy, buy and regret.
Knowing that adults can't control themselves can better understand children whose self-control is already weak.
So why do we have such addictive behaviors? Quite simply, just because I can't help it.
People can't help but play on their phones, watch TV, play mahjong, and can't help but go shopping. So, why can't you help it?
In fact, these addictions to playing mobile phones, watching TV, playing mahjong, and shopping are all meeting people's needs. We have a mentality that we have to do it right away when we meet this need, so we have to watch it right away, play it right away, and buy it right away. This reflects a psychological concept called "delayed gratification" incompetence.
What is delayed gratification? It is that when we have a desire, we can hold back our inner yearning for it, and then think about whether it is important enough, and then judge whether I want to get it now.
The size of a person's achievement depends largely on his ability to delay gratification. We all know that a person who is addicted to playing mobile phones, watching TV, and playing mahjong is a person with poor self-control and his personal achievements are also unsatisfactory.
As early as 50 years ago, Michelle, a psychologist at Stanford University, did the world-famous "marshmallow experiment."
He brought dozens of kids together and said to them, "Kids, let's do a game." I'll give each of you a marshmallow, and this marshmallow is delicious and delicious, and you can eat it. But I'm going to tell you, if you don't eat in 15 minutes, I'll give each of you another one, but if you do, there's none. So the psychologist left. Of course, he didn't actually walk away, but instead hid from the camera to film the behavior of the children. Some children simply can't help it and immediately eat the marshmallows; but some children constantly struggle with their own desires and end up not eating; some children eat half of them. Fifteen minutes later, the psychologist came back and awarded an extra marshmallow to the kids who didn't eat marshmallows.
The experiment was not over. Psychologists continued to follow these children for more than two decades, and found that those who could not eat marshmallows were significantly higher in their later academic performance, job performance, and even income than those who ate marshmallows immediately, and even their physical fitness and decision-making ability were better than others. As a result, psychologists have concluded that children with the ability to "delay gratification" will achieve better and greater achievements. When they are faced with the "little thrill" of the game, they can more clearly realize that this matter is not important now, and I have other more important things to do.
Delayed gratification is crucial to a child's growth, and it can make the child resist instinctive desires and choose more efficient and important things to complete first, which is also a manifestation of perseverance. If there is no targeted training in the early stages of the child, then slowly and slowly become a person who is addicted to some small "stimuli" and has no perseverance to do big things.
So how do you train your child's ability to delay gratification?
There are three principles for training children's delayed gratification, namely "wait and see", "see performance" and "impenetrable".
The first principle is called "wait and see." When a child needs something he likes, you must not be able to satisfy him right away. You can tell him, "Let's wait and see, and in a few days if you still want to, then we'll come again, okay?" If a child's love for something is instantaneous and temporary, he doesn't necessarily really want it, "wait and see" can make him pull out and develop a good habit of thinking - "See if I really like it?" If, after a certain period of time, he still wants this item, you can satisfy him.
The second principle is called "looking at performance", that is, whenever a child has a desire and need, he must not be able to get it easily. It is easy to get, he must feel that there is no value, so anything he aspires to must be obtained through hard work. For example, when a child makes a request, you say to the child, "We need to see how you perform!" "Parents can examine their children's performance in learning, labor, discipline and courtesy. This allows the child to work harder, and at the same time, the child's desire is "delayed".
The third principle is called "impenetrable", that is, when the child proposes to let you reward him, you can't reward him every time. This reward will reduce the child's inner motivation. For example, if your child cleans the house, if you reward him with a dollar every time, then when one day you don't reward him, he will never come back to clean. So you have to make him unable to understand your reward laws. For example, if he cleans twice, give him a reward, and give a reward after cleaning five times next time, so that the child can't figure out your routine, but expect you to reward him. Only such an approach can motivate him to continue to work hard. Of course, the best way should be to let the child experience the joy of doing things themselves.
However, there are two situations in which training for delayed gratification needs to be treated differently. When a child is under two years old, you can't delay the satisfaction of the need for security and warmth. Let's say your baby is crying in bed, then you can't keep making him cry, no matter him. Such a need for security cannot be met without delay, and you must satisfy him immediately. If you make him insecure at this time, he will continue to seek this feeling when he grows up, which will cause him to make a wrong judgment about life in adulthood. Another point is that "delayed gratification" is not "unsatisfied." You try to delay for a while, and then you still have to meet your child's requirements later. As long as the child has made an effort and kept his promise, you should try to satisfy him.
summary
If a child develops the habit of delaying gratification through training early on, he will look at it from a higher perspective when he does anything. Wait and see, think about it, what kind of thing is more meaningful. People who develop this habit are not trapped by the small temptations of "TV", "games" or shopping, and they will pursue those more valuable lives, longer and greater satisfaction.
Of course, parents themselves have to lead by example, not having children playing coloring games while you're swiping your phone or chasing drama. Read picture books with children more, color cards together, pile up logs together, swing together, hide and seek together, fly kites together, run together, only interactive companionship can keep children away from TV and mobile phones, and also let children experience the love of parents.