The so-called delayed gratification ability is one of the signs of children's psychological maturity, a necessary component of the individual to guide his own behavior in the absence of external stimuli, and reflects whether a person can restrain his impulses in the face of various temptations.
Walter M. Ofe, Stanford University Dr. Mischel conducted a series of classic psychological experiments on self-control in kindergarten from 1966 to 1970, including a famous experiment called the "Marshmallow Experiment".
In these experiments, the child can choose the same reward (sometimes marshmallows, cookies, chocolate, etc.) or choose to wait for a while until the experimenter returns to the room (usually 15 minutes) and receives the same two rewards.
In later studies, researchers found that children who could endure favored rewards for longer generally had better life performance, such as better SAT scores, educational achievement, body mass index, and other indicators.
Similarly, for adults, delayed gratification also exists
Suppose you are in a shopping mall and see a commodity that you have been growing for a long time. You've done your homework online for a long time and are sure you really want it. However, its price is a bit pricey.
So now you are faced with 3 choices:
A heart, buy it
B Do not buy, so delete from the wish list
C Wait until the next time the money is sufficient
I believe that many people will eventually choose the last one. Because compared to A's decisiveness, and then spending a large amount, and B's decision, giving up their beloved, the third item seems more eclectic.
And this third, the practice of controlling to suspend one's desires and satisfying them later, can be collectively referred to as "delayed gratification."
So parents believe that this ability to resist temptation and delay gratification is very important, but many parents use the wrong method.
In order to cultivate this concept of children, many parents habitually reject the toys that children want and the hobbies they want to learn, and tell their children to get some equivalent exchanges before they agree.
But "delayed gratification" is not delayed love
For children with different personalities, we should "teach according to their aptitudes", especially in infancy, we should actively respond to their (her) needs, children in the young age think that they are the center of the universe, and the delay and education of parents cannot be understood, and children in this period will leave a shadow of "I am not worthy" in their hearts from an early age if they are not satisfied.
This shadow is likely to affect the child's life, and both the flattering personality and the shopaholic are caused by a lack of love from an early age.
"Delayed gratification" is set in advance
Make it clear to your child that he or she knows what kind of request will not be met or will be met immediately. For example, repetitive toys, too many snacks, delayed learning of play activities, etc., so that the child will know the reason for the delay in satisfying the parents, not because they do not love him or her, but because of the predetermined rules.
When delaying gratification and immediately telling the child "Sorry, you played too long today, so the mother can't meet your request right away, you should finish your homework before playing." ”
Whether it is consent or rejection, the child should be given a reply at the first time, even if it is rejected, the child should be informed of the reason for the rejection, so that even if rejected, the child can be more psychologically acceptable.
Delayed gratification is a manifestation of a child's psychological maturity that allows him to willingly give up immediate gratification for a more valuable, long-term outcome, as well as the self-control demonstrated in waiting.