Stop nagging your kids! The "overrun effect" reminds parents that the more they nag their children, the more rebellious they become

There may be many parents who find that no matter how much they nag their children now, they do not listen, and no matter how much they say, they feel that you are more annoyed. In the past, when you say something to your children, they will listen to their own words. Now that I talk about it more, the child is not listening to the nagging of his parents.

A psychologist conducted such an experiment in an elementary school in which he asked children in the elementary school to write about the behaviors of their least favorite parents. As a result, 80% of children wrote the word "nagging."

This kind of nasty psychology of children is normal and has psychological basis, which is a typical "over-limit effect" reaction. This kind of continuous nagging of parents in a short period of time has caused children's disgust and rebellious psychology.

1

What is the overrun effect?

The psychological phenomenon of extreme psychological impatience or resistance due to excessive stimulation, excessive strength and prolonged action is called the "over-limit effect".

Mark Twain had such an experience. He heard a priest in a church and thought he was speaking very well. Mark Twain was so touched that he decided to donate some money to the pastor when he had finished speaking.

However, after 10 minutes, the pastor still continued to speak, and Mark Twain felt that the pastor was a little wordy at this time, and decided to wait for the donation to be less to him. Another 10 minutes passed. The pastor is still speaking.

Mark Twain began to get a little impatient and decided not to donate money to the priest later. After a while, I didn't expect the pastor to stop his speech. Mark Twain finally couldn't bear it anymore. When the pastor finished his speech, instead of donating money to the pastor, he stole two dollars from the pastor.

In fact, sometimes a lot of things are like this. For example, when you are speaking, moderate use of some more humorous tones and sentences will increase everyone's interest in watching, and everyone will even think that you are quite interesting.

However, if you are hanging down this speech, then everyone's opinion of you and your feelings about this speech will definitely be different. People must think that you are a more frivolous person and do not pay attention to this speech.

Therefore, no matter what we do, we must grasp the scale and quantity. Otherwise, if there is too much, it will make others disgusted and disgusted.

Just like the nagging of parents to their children, if parents have moderate control over their children's education time, rather than instilling big truths in their children all the time, then children may not be so disgusted with their parents' education.

2

Why can't parents control their nagging?

There will certainly be many parents who feel that they are not nagging, but the children do not know why they often say that they are nagging. In fact, parents sometimes do not realize their own problems, but also can not solve the problem.

1. Parents care too much for their children and do not realize that their children have grown up

As a mom and dad, you're bound to worry about your kids, there's no doubt about that. However, when the children grow up, parents must learn to slowly believe in their children's abilities, or to put some things to them to do.

For example, if the child goes to the supermarket to buy a thing, you also have to tell the child not to kidnap or anything, if the child is already a junior high school student, then the child may feel that you do not trust them like this, and feel that you are very annoyed.

You have instilled a lot of truth in them when they were young, and now that they are older, you don't have to continue to nag.

2. Parents themselves are not confident enough, but the requirements for their children are very high

According to psychological research and analysis, parents with weak and nervous personalities are generally prone to nagging. Nagging is a manifestation of unconfidence, because it is not assured, it will be repeated again and again, weak and nervous parents do not believe that their children will do what they say, so they constantly repeat nagging.

Some parents, such as their own low level of education, feel that they are not educated, and are embarrassed to go out and not read. So he pinned his hopes of reading on his own children.

What you can't do, but you are very strict with your child, and you want your child to do it, so it is very bad. For example, the child has achieved good results, but the parents are still not satisfied.

Every time you can complain about the child, or find out the child's shortcomings, and always urge the child to improve, to correct. Parents feel

It's the right thing to do this yourself, but it's actually a lot of pressure for the child.

3. Parents have too strong a desire to control their children

Some fathers may often instill in their children that they are the most important task in the family, that what he says is the right thing to say, and that the child and the whole family must listen to him.

They want to establish their majesty in front of their children and have a strong desire to control them. If the child does something that is not in line with his wishes, he will point fingers at the child and ask the child to be satisfied with him.

Such parents are not good, and children will not only not want to listen to you, but will feel that it is very unfair to him that you are doing this.

In general, the reason why parents can't control their nagging is that they care too much for their children and want their children to live in their own protective cover.

Or the parents themselves have some problems in educating their children, and the parents themselves do not realize their mistakes or improprieties, resulting in children not cooperating with themselves, and then they can't stop nagging to their children.

3

The harm of nagging to children

1. It will make the child become less confident

Nagging to put it bluntly means that parents feel that there is something that the child has done not do well enough, or that is not done correctly, so parents will say this about their children.

Nagging is not the same as reasoning, and parents' nagging will have an accusatory nature, so children will feel that they have done something wrong or that they can't do anything well when their parents are nagging.

If parents keep nagging their children, a child who is originally quite sunny and cheerful, after the parents continue to dislike and say that you have done something wrong.

I think everyone should be able to guess the result, and in the end this child will definitely become less confident than before, and will feel that he can't do a lot of things well, and he is not capable enough.

2. It will make the child more rebellious when he is adolescence

When a child is in adolescence, he feels that he can get rid of his parents and do many things that he can do independently. However, if the parents are still nagging their children excessively at this time, the children will not only not listen to them, but also feel that you are very annoying.

If a child is in adolescence, it is a bit rebellious, but the parents still nag the child as usual, I think the child will definitely become more rebellious, seriously, no matter what the parent says he will not listen.

Why there are many children running away from home during adolescence and arguing with their parents, half of them may be that the children themselves are less sensible. However, the other half of the reason may be that parents are too nagging about their children, resulting in children not being able to bear it.

4

How to control yourself from nagging

One. Use the "I-Info" model to communicate with your child

When the child has a problem, the most effective way for parents is to discuss things on the facts, just point out his wrong behavior, do not turn over the old accounts to judge the child's behavior, and label it randomly.

For example, the child accidentally broke the things in the family, the child also concealed the situation, at this time you found out, you began to chatter: "Look at you, not only did you break things, but also hid from me, you said that you can do something, the character is corrupt, it is really angry." ”

At this time, you can try to use the "I-Information" model to communicate with children, and the effect will be better.

1. Describe your child's behavior: You broke something today and didn't tell me.

2. Say how you feel: I'm a little upset not because I broke something, but because I wasn't telling me the truth

3. Express your needs: I want something to communicate with and someone who can help you

The "I-Message" communication model consists of describing the child's behavior + saying your feelings + expressing your needs, because "I-information" is peaceful and frank, so it will prompt the child to respond to the parents equally frankly, effectively avoiding the destructive parent-child communication in the case.

Two. Parents can appropriately identify with and encourage some practices of their children

Although parents feel particularly lost when their children grow up and slowly do not need them, they can only comfort themselves by nagging.

But children will definitely grow up, and we will grow old. When we educate our children, we can put forward our own views, but also let the children say some of his views, if the child's views are also good, we can accept him and let him do it himself.

If they feel encouraged and supported by you, they will certainly be more confident in doing everything. The child himself can not rely on the parents to complete some things, we do not have to worry so much about the child, has been nagging him. It's a very good way to control nagging from the source.

Three. Parents should gradually change their habits and mentality

American psychologist Jane Nelson said: "If parents can talk less and act more, 75% of the problems with their children are likely to disappear."

Parents will always feel that their child is his child. However, the speed of children's growth is also very fast, some parents have not changed their thinking, or stay in the stage where children do not understand things, so they will often preach to children and become nagging in the eyes of children.

If parents realize that their children are growing up and that their children can do a lot of things independently, and we don't need to emphasize to him what to do, then parents will not always nag their children.

When the child grows up and goes to do something, we can give a little advice, or proper care, the child may feel very warm, but to communicate with the child from multiple angles and in a variety of ways, rather than feeling that you are nagging, so that the child feels the power of "a thousand words" and enjoys a harmonious and intimate parent-child relationship.

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