Wen | the original diary of The Little Fish Daddy, welcome to forward and share personally
The final exam is coming in the blink of an eye, and many parents are anxious about their children's preparation for the exam again.
In fact, what parents are anxious about may not be the child's preparation for the exam itself, but the usual process of tutoring and supervising the child's review, seeing the child's grinding and rubbing, unhurried and unhurried learning attitude, and feeling worried and unconfident about whether they can get good results.
And the child's rubbing problem is not cultivated in a day, most families will stage a scene of parents urging to collapse every day, and the child is slow and rational, but I don't know if you have ever thought about it, maybe the way you treat your child is wrong.
If you want to change the child's rubbing problems, you must scientifically "cure the disease", avoid a psychological misunderstanding, and learn to use two scientific skills at the same time.
Psychological misunderstanding: the over-limit effect, the more the child is urged, the slower
The more parents urge the child, the child seems to be hit by magic, the movement is slower and slower, and the attitude seems to be more and more negative, why is this?
Of course, it is not that the child does not understand the meaning of the parents and mothers, but your urging makes the child have an overrun effect.
Anita Lanfro is a famous American comedian and mother of three children, and of course she was so angry that she was finally inspired to write a "Mother's Song".
She wrote all the words of urging her children every morning into the song, getting up, brushing her teeth, dressing, going out... Everything was repeated and urged, but her child became slower and slower.
Mark Twain's experience may explain this, and it would be counterproductive to urge it too much.
Mark Twain once listened to a pastor's speech, the content is very wonderful, he decided to donate generously to him, but after ten minutes the pastor has not finished speaking, Mark Twain somewhat impatiently decided to donate only a part of the original planned amount, and after another ten minutes, the pastor has not finished speaking, Mark Twain decided to cancel the donation plan.
This is the over-limit effect, which simply refers to the fact that due to the repeated stimulation of people by something or certain words, it is too strong and makes people have a rebellious psychology.
If children are repeatedly urged by their parents, of course, they will also have an over-limit effect.
In addition, there are some children in the parents of the daily urging has formed a habit, think that there is no hurry, anyway, someone is helping me to watch the time, master the rhythm, this dependence psychology may also lead to children to do more and more procrastination, into the vicious circle of the following figure.
One of the scientific tips: Positioning quick-acting experiments to get kids to take the first step
Many children are slow to do things and have procrastination in doing homework, but it is not that they are not in a hurry, but they do not know where to start. Some children obviously start to do something, but because they do not have a stage and overall concept of the task they want to complete, they cannot control the rhythm of doing things.
For example, when doing homework, some children look east and west, first open two pages of math homework, and then open an English test paper, but they just don't write.
This is because children feel that homework is too much and difficult, and the fear of difficulties hinders the progress of things.
How to solve these problems, you need to locate quick-acting experiments to help.
Psychologists once did a group experiment on students, dividing them into three groups, all aiming to reach a certain location.
However, the first group of students did not know where the target location was, just walked aimlessly, and not long after leaving, the students began to complain and feel confused, and finally everyone completely lost the motivation to complete the task.
The second group of students knew where the destination was, but there was no reference sign on the way, and after walking for a while, everyone did not know how to progress, and some students began to pass on bad emotions that they did not want to continue, which affected the morale of the team.
The third group of students knows where the destination is, and each time they walk, there will be a sign to tell everyone how much distance is left, which makes the students feel a sense of accomplishment in completing the goal and the motivation and direction to continue to work hard, and soon everyone encourages each other and completes the task.
Parents can try to use this method to cure the problem that the child has no concept of time, such as doing homework, so that the child can arrange the disciplines in order according to the degree of difficulty, and finally carry out the disciplines one by one from easy to difficult.
These practices can make it easy for children to start doing something first, and experience a sense of accomplishment in stages, which will boost the promotion of subsequent things.
Scientific tip two: the law of natural consequences
A father who sends his daughter to school and reminds the child that he is about to be late no matter what, the child is indifferent and still pacing the street.
Finally, the father also let go, going to school is the child's own business, it is useless to be anxious with himself, so he slowed down, and took out his mobile phone to take a video of his daughter, and also accompanied by his own narration: Don't urge not to be angry when you encounter a child.
At this time, the daughter felt that something was not good, and the woman who was like a wind flew into the school gate, but the result was that she was late because of the long delay before.
She asked her father for help to get the doorman uncle to open the door, but was refused: she had to bear the consequences of her own tardiness.
Finally the child went into the school crying, and I think she will never be late again.
Yes, the root of changing the child's rubbing problem is to make him realize that this is not right, and the best way is, of course, to directly experience and bear the consequences.
The law of natural consequences was proposed by Rousseau, if you don't know what to do except urge, try this method