I don't know since when, children have also begun to popular comparisons. They always envy their classmates' good-looking clothes and shoes, and after playing with their classmates, they will complain that their house is too small... What should parents do when more and more children like to compare with their classmates?
In the book "Going to the Ivy League at the Age of One", University Professor Xue Yong once said that the attitude of parents is the key to children's correct face of the gap between rich and poor.
Pingping is a primary school student, because her home is not far from school, so many times her mother takes her to and from school. However, if the weather is not good and it rains, my mother will pick her up on a battery car to prevent her shoes from being soaked by the rain.
It rained heavily on this day, and even though her mother had covered her with a heavy raincoat, Pingping's pant legs were still wet. This made her look a little unhappy, just saw her good friend's father driving to pick up a good friend, and in an instant she pouted her small mouth and asked her mother angrily: Why do we have to ride an electric car when our classmates drive?
Hearing her daughter ask this, her mother was stunned at that moment. Because before this, Pingping did not seem to show any envy for other people's things, but this time, her mother could clearly feel the loss in her words.
Obviously, now Pingping has also begun to have a sense of comparison. Indeed, for a child, when she sees her classmates can sit comfortably in the car on a rainy day, but she can only rain on the battery car, her heart will be a little confused.
Presumably, many parents have had such an experience, maybe the child is not compared to the car, but maybe the house is other material. At this time, the parents' answers will actually have a great impact on the child, and if it is not handled properly, it is likely to lead to the child's disgust or inferiority.
Many parents will definitely reprimand their children at this time, saying that they only think about things other than studying every day, why not compare with other students to have better academic performance, who is working harder in learning?
But children's lives are not only about learning, they should also be exposed to other things besides learning. If parents always use such words to tease their children, comparing the advantages of others with the shortcomings of their children, then it will undoubtedly only lead to the child falling into inferiority.
In fact, parents should learn to understand this mood of the child, from the child's point of view, their questions are not wrong. Moreover, there will be a strong sense of comparison between adults, why not allow children to have it too?
Only when children really find the answer to the question can they have a correct understanding of such things, so that they can become optimistic and positive in life, no longer self-pity, and of course, they will not be inferior or complacent.
When children have low self-esteem because of their comparison heart, the author's three opinions in the book "Child Social Psychology" are very worthy of reference.
1. Let the child learn to accept
Parents want their children to know that everyone is different and every family is different. For example, some people are born beautiful, but some people are not good-looking; some people can achieve good results without hard work, but some people will be quickly caught up by others even if the stupid bird flies first.
There is a debate in the strange story: should parents tell their children, "The family is not rich"?
To sum up, the positive view here is that parents should tell that it is better to let their children know the truth as soon as possible than to pretend to be false; the opposite side believes that it is best not to tell and not to put pressure on children who grow up carefree.
Fu Seoul said: "Real inferiority is better than false self-confidence, and tenacious grass grows in the stone, but there is no flower of self-confidence in the soap bubble." ”
As children, we have to learn to accept these differences because we are all different individuals. When we envy others, it is very likely that we are also the object of envy of others. So don't deliberately compare yourself with others and accept your current situation, this is what parents should teach their children.
2, learn to see their own advantages
If children envy others to live in mansions and drive luxury cars, then parents must not criticize children, but should guide their children correctly, let them think about what they have in life to be happy about, and whether they have happiness?
For example, those children who have money at home may lack the company of their parents, and although their family is average, their parents who commute to work normally can accompany their children every day; for example, those children who look very rich may not have a warm family atmosphere, but they can be held in the palm of their hands like a treasure by their parents.
Each of us has our own strengths, so there's no need to always focus on our own weaknesses. Parents should guide their children to find out the shining points in the family and find the shining points in their own bodies, so that the child's happiness index can be improved, and naturally it will not be too much in the unexpected world.
3. Teach children to improve themselves
While there are some things we can't change, there are also things we can do better with our efforts. For example, when children envy others for being able to have good material living conditions, parents can tell their children that all this is what they have achieved through hard work.
While allowing children to study hard, parents should also let children feel that they are working hard and living hard. In this way, it can play a positive guiding role for children, so that children understand that no matter what kind of state they are in, only by first improving themselves can they embrace a better life.