I don't know if you have such a feeling, you try your best to love your child, but the child says that you don't love him, or even that you don't understand him? In adolescence, I have endless words with others, and when I go home to talk to you, I regret words like gold.
Many parents can't understand why they are wholeheartedly for their children, but they don't have any feelings?
This is because we don't deliver love in the right way. A mother once told me that she loved her daughter very much, and she was afraid to melt in her mouth, and she was afraid of falling in the palm of her hand. But the daughter seems reluctant to stay with her, and often plays outside until late to come back, which is very uncomfortable.
Once her daughter returned late, she was worried that her child would encounter danger outside, and she was also afraid that her daughter would learn badly, and then she would not let her daughter go out. The daughter was very angry, and the daughter finally said, "You don't love me at all, you don't understand me", and then shut herself in the room.
The mother was very uncomfortable, she said, "I love her so much, I see her more than my life, how can she say such a thing." ”
There are no parents in the world who do not love their children, only parents who do not express love.
How do we pass on love to our children and let them receive it?
1 Listen
In many families, parents don't let their children speak, they think that their children should listen to me, and everything I say is right.
So the first step in learning how to love is to listen: no matter what the child says, we listen carefully, do not interrupt, do not evaluate.
For example, if the child comes home from school and is happy or unhappy, we can ask the child, "Baby, what happy/unhappy things did you encounter at school today?" ”
Then the child will say how it is going at school. At this time, no matter what the child says, even if you find that the child is lying, listen carefully.
When you listen carefully, your emotions will be stable and you will be able to think. When the child is finished, you can tell the child which part is done well and which part needs to be adjusted in the process of handling this matter on your own observation and understanding.
Be sure to say the right place first: "Mom is very pleased that you are doing a very good job in this place, and you are very thoughtful. "Make a good foundation with love and encouragement.
The second step says what the child does not do well: "Baby, the next time you encounter the same thing, will it be better for you to change the practice in this place?" ”
We do not say that the child is doing wrong, but that another approach can be done better, then in the child's consciousness, there is no criticism, accusation, only support and encouragement, the child's feelings will be very good. After that, the child is willing to communicate with you and share.
2 body teaching
We all know that parents are the child's first teacher, the child's words and deeds will imitate the parents, even if the child is not educated in ordinary times, but the daily behavior of the child is also in the eyes, and learn from it the way of dealing with the world.
For example, colleague A gives you two baskets of strawberries, then says one basket for you, and one basket for B. When you take it home, you see that two baskets of strawberries are big and good, and the other basket is a little small and a little broken.
The child says to you at this time, "Mom, let's keep this good!" "What would you do about it? Is it big or small? How do you tell your child?
Family education has an impact on all aspects of our lives, and the way you handle things has an impact on children.
We did a live investigation during the live broadcast, and most of the parents had the spirit of Kong Rong letting the pear, keeping the bad one and giving the good to each other.
A small number of people keep the good ones to themselves, because the other party does not know the situation.
A very small number of parents say half and half.
And half and half is the best way to deal with it, and you also have to tell A that you see this phenomenon and what you plan to do about it. Because it may be that A took the wrong thing, after all, it is something sent to two colleagues, how can it be big and small?
The most important thing is to tell the child that we don't have to please others in everything, but we are not people who will take advantage of others. Give your child an attitude of not being humble in handling things.
Will give the child a sense of worthiness, not a selfish person. In dealing with this matter, your child will also be able to learn this way of handling things.
Many parents teach their children to keep the good to others and the bad to themselves, so that it is easy for children to have a sense of unworthiness, and I do not deserve to have good things. Because since I was a child, my parents have told me that good things should be given to others.
Modern education must be in a different way, we must be rich to raise children, rich children do not mean to give children enough money, but spiritual prosperity. A very rich sense of value and a sense of complacency is the best love for children. We do not harm the interests of others, but also fight for our own interests.
3 Boundaries of Love
Some parents have feedback that it is too difficult for parents to do now, more management says that we control, less management is coddling, where is the boundary of love?
In fact, we only need to grasp one point: grasp the big and let go of the small.
What does that mean? Unimportant small things are no matter how the child is, in principle, big things must be grasped and cannot be relaxed.
For example, if the child says that he wants to eat noodles today, you think this is not good, and you have to force the child to eat dumplings. In fact, there is no need at all, these are all small things in life, why can't you satisfy your children?
Satisfy the child through such small things that have nothing to do with right or wrong, nothing to do with black and white, and establish a very high psychological satisfaction for the child, and when they encounter something big in the back, the child will definitely listen to you.
Once took a child to a movie, watched a cartoon that the child liked, and after the movie ended, I heard a mother say to the child, what does it mean to watch this cartoon? Wasted almost 2 hours, why not go to see "Chosin Lake"?
When the child heard such words, he bowed his head and was very disappointed.
Do you say that you love children by behaving like this? Maybe you think that watching "Chosin Lake" can increase children's understanding of history, and cartoons just look at things that you forget.
But what about in the child's heart? Next time he dares to say what movie he wants to see? Such a small matter you are worried about with your children, you still want your children to listen to you? Why can't you go home happy with your child after watching the movie?
Parents can think in their hearts every time they interact with their children, is it love for my children that I do this? Will the child receive my love?
Especially when you want to get angry, you can go to the mirror and look at yourself, and as soon as you buffer, the emotions go down. Is it possible to communicate with your child well next?
Of course, the boundaries of love also apply to the relationship between husband and wife.
There is such a sentence in "Strange Story": My parents are full of love, but their faces are vicious.
Are you like that?
Love is an ability, not a kung fu of the mouth.
May each of us learn how to love and be loved.