Children in adolescence, the parent-child relationship with their parents can be described as "walking on thin ice", and in most families, the child's resentment is largely sent to the mother, which really makes many mothers feel very cold.
Case
Recently, my cousin and I cried that since the children in the family entered puberty, it seems like a changed person, everything is against their parents, and sometimes they don't even want to talk to their parents.
One of the most sad things for the cousin is that the relationship between the child and the father is still relatively good, that is, for himself, in the words of the cousin: seeing the child treat himself like this, thinking about raising the child so big from childhood, it is really a grievance.
Why do children after puberty have "resistance" to their parents?
I don't know if parents have such a feeling: after the child enters puberty, the "little obedient" who was once a child suddenly becomes a "magic head", more like a "time bomb", which may erupt at any time. In fact, there are two main reasons for the problem:
1) Children have a tendency to be independent
After entering puberty, the child's tendency to be "independent" becomes more obvious, but at this time, parents are accustomed to discipline, and even more. "Where there is oppression, there will be resistance", children who are too rebellious are largely the result of too much parental control.
2) Children will also "dislike their parents"
Parents can reflect on themselves, when the child is young, is it disliked by the parents, if so, why can't the child abandon the parents?
Parents often criticize, rarely praise, often hit, rarely encourage, often deny, rarely affirm when the child is young, then the child will naturally feel the "dislike" of the parents, and when he grows up, he will naturally dislike the parents.
Why do adolescent children tend to "hate" their mothers?
Adolescent children, both physically and psychologically will have a "leap forward" development, the emergence of physical secondary sexual characteristics, psychologically there will be some rebellious emotions.
As for why adolescent children hate moms more than dads, psychologists argue:
"Children who enter adolescence, the personal consciousness begins to awaken, and even in the subconscious mind they will think of themselves as adults. Although I see myself as an adult, in fact, I am not mature in my thinking, so I will undoubtedly feel very repulsive and bored in the face of people who often discipline myself, and my mother is naturally the first to bear the brunt. Because in the usual education, the mother is always the person who disciplines the most, so children in adolescence will regard the mother as the biggest obstacle. ”
In addition, the reason for the deepening of the contradiction between the child and the mother is also related to the mother's excessive expectations. Mothers often pay more energy and time on their children, so the requirements for children will also "rise".
Once the child does not reach the height required by the mother, it will naturally stimulate the contradiction between each other; on the contrary, the father's requirements for the child will be more Buddhist, and the parent-child relationship with the child will not deteriorate too much.
How do mothers deal with the "gunpowder-flavored" parent-child relationship with rebellious children?
First of all, we must learn to control appropriately
Adolescent children are in the transition from child to adult, and parents can moderately encourage children to try, to explore, and to take the risk of failure.
As long as it does not violate the general principles or violate the moral bottom line, in some details of life, parents still do not have to worry about their children.
Second, the shift in identity roles
Before entering the clear period, parents are the "superman" in the eyes of children, and after entering puberty, the sense of authority of parents gradually declines, and there will be doubts about the requirements and orders made by parents.
Therefore, when there is a disagreement, you can appropriately "show weakness" and listen to their careful thinking, so that on the basis of equality and respect for children, it is easier to communicate smoothly with children, and it is more convenient to express the views of adults and guide children to correct unreasonable views.
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