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Speaking of Gao Ziqi, everyone may feel a little strange, but when it comes to Zhu Gege, I think everyone knows.
In 2011, Gao Ziqi received attention for starring in the role of The Sword in the costume love drama "New Zhu Gege", when many media also called him the most handsome Sword in history.
At that time, everyone thought that he was going to fight for his career and was very optimistic about his future.
But for some reason, after getting married, he slowly faded out of the public eye, until recently there was news about him, but it was the news of divorce.
Many years ago, when interviewed on the show, Cai Lin revealed her mate selection criteria for the following four points: do not look for young people, do not look for actors, do not look for foreigners, and do not look for B blood.
And Gao Ziqi just fully met these four points, and it can be seen that the love at that time was very vigorous. This divorce seems to have come to an end.
In fact, as early as March 11, 2019, the marital status of the two was rumored to be suspected of being a change, but at that time, Cai Linfang denied that the two divorced.
We can imagine that the conflict between these two men should have continued for quite some time, and finally broke out unsurprisingly.
Regarding the divorce, the response of the two people is also very promising.
Gao Ziqi posted on Weibo: sincere thanks, sincere blessings, willing not to be disturbed, everything is fine "gift mother". (The gift is their child)
Cai Lin responded to the divorce in an article on Instagram, she originally wrote: "I am Cai Lin, I laugh a lot, I have a lot of tears, so I am more and more, I am getting older and older." ”
After ending her six-year marriage to Gao Ziqi, she has settled in South Korea with her son, and the mother and son seem to be quite happy.
From Gao Ziqi's divorce statement, we can see that he referred to his ex-wife as the mother of the child.
Some netizens joked that all male celebrities who call their wives the mothers of their children are either in divorce or on the way to divorce.
So why? In fact, when a man says this, or when he uses this title, in his mind, the relationship between two people is already a joint caregiver of the child, not a couple.
Why? Let me give you an example.
There is a clip in the famous American drama Doctor who talks about one of the men's family when they talk. A then asked B, "Do you love your wife?" B replied in the affirmative, and then a asked, "What do you love about her?" ”
"I love her care for our children, I love her sense of responsibility for the family, and I love seeing the warm images of her with her children."
b replied, "Oh, it's not love. B thought about it after listening, went to ask his wife the next day, and got the same answer, and then he very calmly filed for divorce, b said: "We both love this child very much, and I am very willing to continue to raise him with you, but this does not have to happen if we are married." I think we should be separated. ”
At this time, the boy realized that there was only a sense of responsibility left between himself and his wife, and there was no love or passion.
Of course, we can't strip away love and responsibility, but the feelings between husband and wife, love should always be put first.
When love disappears and only a sense of responsibility remains, then the two people are just living together.
01
How to judge whether two people still have passion?
1. Whether the family time is greater than the husband and wife time
Some girls want to take their children with them everywhere after becoming mothers, and they are very responsible, and their children are not at ease when they let them go home for a minute.
There's nothing wrong with that, but such behavior is likely to hinder the development of the couple's relationship.
Why? Because many things can only be done when two people are alone, the child does not care, no matter how small it is a living person, sometimes the husband has something to say to his wife, but because the child is here, he is embarrassed to say, or dare not say.
Children are like a barrier that hinders emotional communication between husband and wife, and sometimes we should take the child out of the relationship between husband and wife.
Give two people some time and space to spend alone, so that the feelings of two people will have the possibility of continuing to develop.
2. Whether the family center of gravity is in the relationship
After a family has a new little life, the child is undoubtedly the most concerned person in the family.
This has led to many new mothers unconsciously opening their mouths and closing their mouths to be children, and they can't move to say: "Oh, today the child peed again, today the child was noisy again, and today the child overturned the meal." ”
When I first said this, the husband may be willing to talk because of the freshness, but as the days go on, the husband will also feel that where has the wife who used to be humorous and chatty? Why is it that every day is only short every day?
You know, because of the difference in social division of labor, many men have a sense of participation in the family, and the care of children is not as much as that of women, and he has no way to empathize with every action of the child.
If the topic between two people is only children, then the enthusiasm will soon dry up.
3. Whether there are multiple social identities
After some girls have given birth, in order to take care of their children, they decide to give up their jobs and return to the family to become a housewife.
Such a decision is really great, but it also has obvious drawbacks. Because when a woman gives up her social identity and concentrates on being a mother, her world is left with only the mother-in-law of the child.
Because the world we see has narrowed, there are fewer topics to talk to others, which is a fatal blow to a person's circle, and this effect is first reflected in the relationship between husband and wife. Because the husband is the closest to his wife.
Whether as a man or as a human being, it's hard to find a single person in a world interesting.
Try to think differently, if a man only tells you every day, the children in the family eat and pull. Take 180 photos of your child every day, and then send them to your phone, asking if you look good, and if you will feel very annoyed.
Men are the same, this is human nature, people just like fresh, diverse things and people.
02
How to keep the relationship healthy for a long time?
1. Attach importance to the relationship between husband and wife
We must establish a concept that the relationship between husband and wife is greater than the parent-child relationship.
At any time, the relationship between two people is always more important than the relationship between two people and the child or the child with someone else.
If the relationship between husband and wife no longer exists, then what is the point of talking about children, under the nest, there are eggs.
If there is a problem with the parent-child relationship between him and the child, then the problem must have begun in the relationship between husband and wife.
For example, if a man is not concerned about his children, does not like to do housework, and is unwilling to play with children, these may be a projection of his dissatisfaction with his wife.
At this time, we talk to him, let him take care of the family, let him play with the child more, and cultivate his feelings with the child, it is useless.
Because although he intellectually knows that it is right to do so, he will instinctively resist such behavior, and what we have to do is not to repair the parent-child relationship, but to repair the relationship between husband and wife.
Only if the relationship between husband and wife is good, the parent-child relationship can be good, and the parent-child relationship is only the "parasite" of the husband and wife relationship.
So how do we make the relationship between husband and wife better?
Increase spending time together
Even if two people are already married, they must set aside a little time, usually go out on a date, or go shopping, do not have to bring children, children stay at home for a few hours is no problem.
You can go to some places that two people often go before marriage, or plan a short trip and briefly let go of the external factor of children, which makes the two couples have a deeper and more harmonious relationship in getting along.
Maintain deep communication
I think that couples can often chat, because many problems can be talked about, if you hold it in your heart, the problem will only accumulate more and more serious.
We can find a relatively confined space, two people are more convenient time, do a few in-depth communication, find out where the relationship problem is, how the two people should get along with each other in the future, these are very important.
Seek new stimuli
After getting married, many couples live together, so it is relatively inevitable that day and night will feel bored.
Once boredom arises, the feelings will fade, then we can use some means to stimulate each other's senses, so that the other party continues to be interested and fresh about us.
2. Focus on sexual attraction
After giving birth, many mothers have to face a problem is out of shape and haggard.
Then there were some mothers who didn't pay attention and went on to the top of their weight.
Although I can understand that weight control is very difficult, especially for mothers who have lost their metabolism after giving birth, it is also difficult for us to do it.
Some girls may say, I am married, dress so beautiful and let yourself be so thin for whom?
In fact, this logic is reversed, getting married is not the end of the story, but the beginning of the story.
Running a relationship is not a few years, but a few decades, and marriage is not much insurance, especially in contemporary society.
We must keep ourselves attractive and fresh for life, only a person who constantly makes progress will not be left behind, and those who fall behind are to be beaten.
Men can't say that they don't have to give women money to spend, don't have to work hard to make money, anyway, they are married, and she won't leave without giving money, because it's illogical, right, the relationship always needs to be worked on.
3. Expand the richness of the world
Even if we are married and have children, we should not immerse ourselves in the time of only the family, we can continue to study or continue to work.
Let yourself have a multi-layered character setting, and only when one person has a layer, she is attractive.
For example, you can be a strong woman in the workplace, and you can be a gentle wife when you come home, but at the same time you are a very responsible mother.
One of the advantages of such multiple identities is that we can not be disconnected from society, and at the same time, men feel that they will always have a lot to talk to you.
There is a saying that goes, always young, always in tears.
No matter what stage of life we have and what kind of things have been accomplished, we should not feel that we can only get here.
Always maintain a progressive mentality, you can always have a young heart, and a young mentality, who gets along with him will not be tired.
What do you think are the ways to repair the relationship between husband and wife?
Author Nannan, focus on the field of emotions to create and share, with emotions to communicate with you and my soul, but I hope you and I know each other here, like please pay attention to me.