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Keywords: two enlightenments
Subject: Female
Q: Female, 26 years old, 167cm, Top 2 master's degree. The other party is the same age, 174cm, the same school as the master's degree, and met during the master's degree. The appearance value in the crowd will not be beautiful and handsome, but it is not a big hard injury.
Academically I am better than the other party, the other party is not very motivated, pass the level on the line, comprehensive talent and knowledge are ordinary.
But the other party is from a superior background than me, my family is from a prefecture-level city outside the province, and the other party is indigenous; the same is an only child, but the growth process is obvious that his parents are very involved, and at the same time, his parents are also greatly involved in various life decisions, and I basically rely on myself to fight for and make my own decisions.
We have very little emotional experience, and after knowing each other, I took the initiative. At first, I only felt that he was quiet and low-key and peaceful and very comfortable, and more contact found that he was very simple and honest and pure, and he was also good to me, and the closer he became.
After I expressed my meaning, he said that he could get along first, but there were still many variables in the future, we all had to study for a doctorate, his major was much more advanced in foreign technology, and he had already made up his mind to study abroad, and my major did not have to go abroad, so I wanted to stay in China to study.
The next is not salty and not light, there are many opportunities to meet, but the exchange basically depends on my initiative, and I think that I have not reached the relationship between male and female friends, which often makes me secretly feel tired and sad, but I can't quit liking.
Before graduation, I also tried to apply abroad, and applied for the school he wanted to go to, although it was not designed to chase him, but to be honest, this move was deeply influenced by him. As a result, I got the admission and scholarship, but he did not admit it, and in the end he stayed in China to study for the Doctorate.
After a year abroad, I still want him to contact him, and he has not developed with other girls in China, but he has responded to me less and less and coldly.
I thought that all these years it was my initiative, and I felt that he never seemed to like me, and now since the foreign country may only be able to break off the connection naturally? Shouldn't we learn to forget him?
But then he suddenly told me that he would come to a laboratory near me for joint training the next year and asked me to help with some affairs. I tried my best, and I still liked it deeply, but I repeatedly told myself that I was just a friend.
In this case, what attitude should I adopt, and how should I get along with the next two years in the same city? Thanks in advance!
South-South Reply:
After reading your story, I have two aspects of inspiration for you:
First, why can't we quit liking? Because essentially, liking is something we can't control.
We can only control our actions, but we cannot control our emotions and feelings. It's like when you walk to a cold place where you can't control whether you feel cold or not, you can only take steps to decide whether to get dressed or not.
So, when you approach a person and are attracted to him, the essence of this liking is that you are attracted to him, even if your conditions are excellent in all aspects, but you will still be attracted to the other party. And this attraction cannot be quit, because it is based on emotions and feelings.
Second, whether a relationship is positive depends on whether the relationship can make you a better person.
If you think that the other person is a simple, honest, pure person, he is just not good at dealing with women, then at least the relationship can make you a better person, at least you go abroad and so on is also affected by this, at least your vision has become more open.
To sum up, you need to accept the fact that you are indeed attracted to him. But at the same time, the action you're going to take is to look at the relationship anew, to rethink what you've got in the relationship.
Even if a man does not take the initiative anymore, but after you have expressed your meaning, he just says "you can get along first", then his meaning is also very clear.
All in all, it doesn't matter if you quit or not what you like about him, but you can give yourself boundaries in action. The so-called story of joint training in the laboratory near you next year, if the next year has passed, or the so-called "first everywhere, later on" words, then you must know that this is the time has given you the answer.
Author Nannan, focus on the field of emotions to create and share, with emotions to communicate with you and my soul, but I hope you and I know each other here, like please pay attention to me.