Between husband and wife, trust is the bottom line.
If you lose trust, even the best feelings will fall apart, friends, couples.
Psychology believes that selfishness is human nature, and everyone will habitually think more about themselves when encountering things.
This is not right and wrong, but also need a sense of proportion, if you lose the boundary, it is not appropriate, the following couple is like this, the two have been married for 5 years, the money on the wife's account is 170,000 more, so that the husband is very doubtful, after learning the truth, he proposed divorce.
The wife is very aggrieved and feels that the husband does not trust her, so what has she done?
01. Remarry and want a guarantee
Ms. Li's husband died of illness, leaving a son who went to college, and she felt guilty about her son, feeling that she had not accompanied her son for many years and would no longer go out.
But considering that there is still foreign debt, it is not easy for a woman to support the family, she met Mr. Li's family under the introduction of friends, Mr. Li divorced, has a son with his ex-wife, but has become a family, he has more than 5,000 incomes per month, and his own housing, life is very good.
When the two first met, Mr. Li felt that Ms. Li was understanding and would make a good dish, so he promised to help her pay off the debt, and Ms. Li also lived directly with the other party and told him: "I don't have any worries, if you are good to me, after a hundred years we will sleep in a pit, I will take good care of you and let you have no worries in your old age." ”
Against Ms. Li's sincerity, Mr. Li gave his salary card to the other party, he also did some business privately, pocket money is enough, the two lived together for 5 years, in the words of Mr. Li: "Very good, very good feelings, life is also very good." ”
A few in a row are very good, enough to see the harmony of the two people's feelings, Mr. Li to Ms. Li's son, also not as an outsider, living expenses and tuition fees are borne by him, Ms. Li has been at home full-time wife after marriage, in addition to cooking and cleaning, is to go out to play mahjong.
In the eyes of the people around her, she is a blessed woman, who does not have to worry about life, and who also controls the family's economy.
The two of them had no problem, but because of a reckoning, it made both of them unhappy.
Mr. Li has the habit of accounting, generally at the end of the year will be liquidated again, the family's money to do a good idea, as a result, when he calculates the account, he found that the money in his account is getting less and less, not as much as the money in Ms. Li's account, and there are 14,000 pairs of accounts, he is very confused.
When Ms. Li returned from playing mahjong, he asked, "Do you still have any money elsewhere?" How did I find out that there was more than ten thousand less? ”
It was a very normal inquiry, but as a result, Ms. Li snatched the ledger and tore it up, and lost her temper in her mouth: "Settle the account, settle the account, if you don't trust me, don't live a long time." ”
This made Mr. Li even more angry, his ledger was torn up, everything in the future is a confused account, he feels that his wife has something to hide from him, so angry that he proposed a divorce, but it is not.
02. In the same bed and different dreams, the wife's behavior is difficult to justify
So the question is, why is Ms. Li so angry?
Afterwards, she explained that she was not used to Mr. Li's accounting, and she thought that if they were all family, they should not settle accounts and appear to be raw.
In fact, this is also the root of her inferiority, Ms. Li is not working, she and her son's life are dependent on Mr. Li, should be honest with each other, she is still very conceited, do not want to be calculated how much money she spent, so her tantrum is to cover up the inner weakness.
But seeing that Mr. Li really wants a divorce, she panicked again, where to find such a good man? Therefore, she took Mr. Li to "Emotional Mediation" in the hope of saving the feelings of the two.
Under the host's questioning, Ms. Li admitted that the money on her husband's account was transferred by herself, and she slowly deposited her husband's due deposits to her card, and then explained that she forgot to bring her husband's ID card.
The staff pointed out sharply: "If you forget to bring your ID card, how can you withdraw your husband's deposit?" ”
The answer is clear at a glance, she is deliberate, she wants to slowly transfer Mr. Li's deposit into her own.
In the face of Mr. Li's question, her explanation is: "You just make me happy, I like to see more money on the account, so that there is a sense of security." ”
Understand the sense of security she wants, but at least communicate with Mr. Li, otherwise, he works outside every day, and when he finds out one day that he doesn't have a penny on his card, it's ridiculous.
For more than 10,000 on the account, Ms. Li explained that it was in a small bag of her own, she forgot, it was really interesting, the family put more than 10,000 cash, can forget everything, enough to show that she is not short of money.
Originally, Mr. Li cared about his wife very much, and he never restrained the other party to manage money, but seeing that his wife was so calculated, he proposed to withdraw his salary card and only give her some living expenses every month.
03. Respecting your lover is also respecting yourself
Mr. Li wants to withdraw the salary card, and Ms. Li is also very calm, and she put forward a condition, that is, to buy a house for her son.
It turned out that Ms. Li's son had already talked about a girlfriend, and when the two of them also came to talk about marriage, they set their sights on a house, with a total price of 700,000 yuan and a down payment of about 270,000 yuan.
In the process of Ms. Li managing money, the deposit on her card has 170,000, but there is still a difference of 100,000, she hopes that Mr. Li can give himself another 100,000, Mr. Li agreed, but a little hesitant, he found that Ms. Li is not sincere, because she bought a house, she also needs to ask for decoration money from herself, and there are costs for the wedding in the future, he feels that it is a bottomless pit.
And Ms. Li is righteous, thinking that she has no income and can only rely on him, because she marries Mr. Li, and the other party will help her fulfill her wishes.
Should Mr. Li give her another 100,000? I believe that everyone has a different answer in their heart.
We might as well look beyond the event itself.
First, marry someone, will the other party bear all your expenses?
The answer is wrong! Everyone needs to be responsible for their own lives, Ms. Li is no exception, you are still young, fully capable of working, if you free up the time to play mahjong to work, you will have at least two or three thousand incomes per month.
I earn money, spend more rationally, and believe that I can also grasp more initiative in life.
Second, between husband and wife, is it appropriate to quietly transfer away more than 100,000 yuan from each other?
Inappropriate! Even husband and wife need to respect each other, have the right to know about property, especially large expenditures, and must tell the other half, otherwise when the other party finds out, the foundation of trust will collapse.
Moreover, Ms. Li transferred the other party 170,000, is selfish, she is bent on her son's consideration, thinking that transferring to her own account is her own private property, the idea is also wrong, even if she transfers, it also belongs to the joint property of the husband and wife, if the husband does not agree, she can not be used to buy a house.
Speaking of this, we can understand Mr. Li's anger, he really loves the other party and is willing to pay, but Ms. Li's approach makes him feel not respected, of course, he will doubt the correctness of his behavior.
Between husband and wife, if you want to have a long-term emotional stability, in addition to self-reliance and self-improvement, you must also learn to think in a different position, when you can understand each other's grievances, perhaps, the contradiction can be resolved.
Give it a thumbs up and go! Do you think Mr. Li should take out another 100,000? Feel free to share your thoughts