Every mother has had such a moment of collapse, the child "can't do without you", love you to the bone, can not be separated for a minute. Even in the same room, when you go to the toilet, he has to follow, you lock the door and pull the stink, he cries and shouts to find "mother", you cook he wants you to hold him to cook, etc., why did we raise the child like this?
The mother smiled and asked: "Except for the time when his child was asleep, as long as he was awake, he could not leave her sight, he cooked his own food and followed him to the kitchen, he followed him to the toilet when he went to the toilet, and he could not leave his mother for a quarter of an hour." ‘’
Mother Xiao Tong said: "My child is more than 2 years old, usually carry it by himself, especially sticky to me, 24 hours to hang on the body of the kind, I go to do what he does, play toys only I accompany to be willing to play." ”
Mother Xiaoye: "My baby only sticks to me every day, my father, grandmother, and grandfather don't follow, I am tired to death, but he just plays with me alone, what to do?" ”
In fact, it is a happy and painful thing for children to stick to their mothers, indicating that the mother must be the person who accompanies the child the most or the child trusts the most, but there is a problem with too much sticking to the mother. It mainly produces "separation anxiety".
Why do babies develop "separation anxiety"? One is to be uneasy or afraid of strangers or other people, and the other is to be afraid that my mother will suddenly disappear. Because of the limited cognitive understanding, the child cannot understand the concept of object permanence, and will think that the mother's departure is non-existent. So once the mother disappears from the eyes, the babies begin to cry and play with their temper, and even coax them to be bad for half a day.
As the baby grows up, the "separation anxiety" will gradually disappear, but some babies have excessive "separation anxiety", such as: the mother will cry as soon as she walks away, others will not coax well; the mother goes to work, crying every day; only like the mother, do not like others, etc. If this happens to the child and continues for a long time, the parents should pay attention.
If such a serious anxiety behavior is not alleviated, it will not only cause great pressure on the child's psychology, sometimes the treatment is not timely, and it may also cause tic disorder and panic disorder.
There was also "separation anxiety" in my family for a while, because I went out to work, she couldn't see me all day, I used to be with her all day, and now I suddenly disappeared. Although I told her that I went to work and came back at night, she still cried, and if she woke up before I went to work, she cried and didn't want me to leave, and when I came back from work, I let me hold her all the time, even when I went to the toilet. Later, after more than a month, the situation was much better.
In fact, the emergence of "separation anxiety" is not terrible, parents should not think why the baby is so unreasonable, in addition to proving that he loves his mother very much, it also shows that the child is moving towards a normal developmental track.
What can be done to alleviate parental "separation anxiety"?
First think about it: you are gone, the child is crying, are you very distressed; you are gone, the child does not cry, do you feel lost again, feel that the child is not attached to you? If there is, it means that you are more anxious than the baby, and you want the child to stick to you and not want the child to stick to you, which is too contradictory.
So if you want to alleviate this situation, first of all, the parents' mentality should be put aside, starting from changing themselves, if someone can help with the child, why not let them participate, so that you can also relax.
Secondly, children are more adaptable and stronger than we think, and if you go to work and you go to work, they can quickly adjust their emotions and adapt to the environment when they leave. Don't worry if he doesn't kiss you, parents will always be the closest people to their children. If you are an office worker, you must accompany your child with high quality after work and sleep with him at night. Let the children feel the strong love of their parents.
How to relieve your baby's "separation anxiety"?
1, do not quietly walk away
Many mothers are afraid of the baby crying when they go out, so they choose to sneak away, and the baby does not know what is happening, and does not understand what the mother is doing? Will it come back? So there will be crying.
If you are going out, be sure to communicate with your child in advance and tell him what you are going to do? How long to go? When will you be back? Come back will accompany him and so on, so that the child psychologically understands that the original mother does not want me, she will come back, she still loves me.
2. Gradual transition
If the baby never leaves you, you suddenly disappear for several days, he will be very helpless, will cry incessantly, the baby has separation anxiety, most of the reason is that the mother often accompanies him, rarely leaves. If you leave suddenly for a long time, it will not only make your baby's heart ache, but also more and more worried about your departure.
You can gradually lengthen the time of separation from the baby, such as the first 20 minutes, 30 minutes, 1 hour, 3 hours, 5 hours, 1 day, 3 days, etc., step by step, gradually and gradually increase the length of time, so that the child has a process of adaptation.
3, do not do "package" mothers
Don't do anything for your child, but learn to "let go." Many mothers are reluctant to do it by their children themselves, always feel that the children are too small, do not do anything well, and everything is arranged, the children who are always arranged, have poor independence, and always rely on others, especially mothers.
So when something goes wrong, I habitually look for my mother, rather than trying to solve it myself. For example, I will not wear clothes to find my mother, I will go to the toilet to find my mother, I will not play with my mother, and I will not play with her to find my mother, in short, I have been looking for my mother.
If we let go appropriately, let the child play with the toy within the safe range, learn to deal with the contradiction with the child, learn to dress and eat by himself, etc., the child's autonomy and independence are greatly enhanced, and a person can also play with toys and can also read.
Therefore, the "separation anxiety" of children is not only the problem of children, but also the problems of parents. At the same time, the effect of improvement will be better.
I am Ke Ma, a family teacher who focuses on the study of child psychology, sharing parenting knowledge every day, welcome to leave comments and forward collections.