Mother-in-law relationship, the problem of the century!
01 Harmonious mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, because the second child is confined, the relationship collapses
Many mothers say that the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is good or bad, starting from confinement. Girlfriend Xiaofeng does not think so, her relationship with her mother-in-law, it is very harmonious, 6 years of mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, mutual care, mother-in-law often buy a variety of toys for granddaughters, skirts, etc., but also to Xiao Feng subsidies for living expenses and the like.
When Xiao Feng gave birth to a big treasure, it was the confinement that her mother took care of and brought the baby. Some time ago, I gave birth to a second child, my mother accompanied Dabao, and Xiao Feng sat in her in-laws' house. Just let Xiao Feng not expect that The confinement only sat for 1 week, and was angry with her mother-in-law and returned to her mother's house. Then the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law also appeared "cracks".
The reason is very simple, the mother-in-law does not let her husband into Xiaofeng's room, saying that the flesh is heavy and not good for boys. Moreover, the child cries at night, and the husband is not allowed to coax the baby, on the grounds that the husband also needs to rest.
Xiao Feng said: "Mom, he is my husband, the father of the child, he must bear the responsibility of being a husband as a father, otherwise, it will affect his relationship with the child." ”
The mother-in-law said: "It's okay, I'll do the same thing, I gave birth to a child, everything is a person, you and I help it!" Men, should take care of the outside world, should not take care of this little bit of destruction at home. ”
Looking at the mother-in-law with a "charity", Xiao Feng understood that the harmony of so many years was superficial. The mother-in-law felt that she was doing this as a "gift."
02 Why do many mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationships start from confinement?
As the saying goes, distance produces beauty. If this distance is broken, then what are the reasons for the lack of beauty?
Guo Mama specially consulted a marriage counselor friend, encountering these reasons, how to break. I hope that the mothers can find the reason and prescribe the right medicine. After all, the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is good, and the family relationship is easier to harmonize!
Reason one: Focus on contention
Watching their sons who have grown up with one hand and "offering hospitality" in front of another woman, the hearts of many mothers-in-law have begun to be unbalanced, after all, they are reluctant to call, and they have not been so good to themselves.
This type of mother-in-law, who likes to "occupy" her son every day, or say bad things about her daughter-in-law in front of her son, hopes that her son can still be her own, and compare the family status of her daughter-in-law.
In the face of mother-in-law competition, malicious slander, etc., many mothers will not "indulge" their mother-in-law, many times, they will only "fight openly and secretly", and in the end, the husband has become a "sandwich cookie", and the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law continues to deteriorate.
In fact, you can use a little "clever thinking".
There is a treasure mother in the group, and her mother-in-law is also like this. Her mother-in-law said to her husband, "Your daughter-in-law, clean up the whole thing every day, eat a meal, think this and that." ”
However, she did not fight against her mother-in-law, nor did she hate her mother-in-law. When her husband told her, she thought that the soup she drank at noon was very salty, that she was breastfeeding herself, and that she could not eat such a salty confinement, so she said it in passing.
In fact, Bao Mom knows that the mother-in-law just wants her son to be more considerate of herself, and not to go home and only take care of her wife and daughter-in-law. Therefore, Bao Mom gave her husband a trick, every day in the kitchen to help her mother-in-law, let the mother-in-law do lighter, the husband said to the mother-in-law: "Mom, don't be too salty, you are older, you have to eat lighter." At this moment, the mother-in-law was relieved.
The next day, when Bao Ma was drinking soup, she said to her mother-in-law: "Mom, have you left some soup to drink?" You have also worked hard to take care of my confinement, your son said, I feel that you are thin again, and you also make up for it. The mother-in-law listened and felt more comfortable.
To pay attention, in fact, give attention is good!
Reason 2: The gap in confinement treatment
The conditions for confinement are not as good as they are now, and their mother-in-law and daughter-in-law relationship may be worse than our generation. Therefore, seeing that the daughter-in-law is so comfortable in confinement, the mother-in-law's "unbalanced" mind has come again.
There was a baoma in the guoma group who shared her "combat process".
Bao Maqinqin's mother-in-law, when taking care of her confinement, the mother-in-law did not take good care of her, eating white rice and vegetables, and the nutrition was completely insufficient. Qin Qin said that there was not much milk, so she asked her mother-in-law to help cook some fish soup.
The mother-in-law said: "Not much milk is a human problem." At that time, where there was nothing to eat, there was not enough rice to eat, and after giving birth, we went to work in the field, and you are very good now! Eat too much, and you won't be able to lose weight when the time comes. ”
Qin Qin pretended to be distressed and said, "Oh, Mom, you are confinement, you have suffered so much!" ”
Then, the mother-in-law began to talk endlessly, telling the hardships she suffered when she was confinement. QinQin listened and always echoed her mother-in-law: Mom, you are really not easy.
Finally, QinQin said to her mother-in-law: "Mom, if there is an afterlife, I will be your mother-in-law and serve you well!" oh! Don't wait for the next life, for the rest of your life, I will definitely serve you well and not let you suffer so much anymore! ”
This sentence can be said to be said to be in the heart of the mother-in-law, and she is not embarrassed by her harsh behavior, and then the relationship between the mother-in-law and daughter-in-law has always been good.
Reason three: the gap in parenting concepts
Daughter-in-law: "Mom, you can't take a baby like this, you should..."
Mother-in-law: "I brought you a baby, and you actually disliked it?" I've had several kids like that, isn't it nice? ”
The contradiction between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law caused by the gap in parenting concepts is too much! The older generation always feels that they are experienced and should not listen to someone who has not brought a baby. Young people believe more in scientific parenting, so they are very disgusted with the old way of bringing a baby.
To alleviate this level of conflict, Bao Mom has two things to do.
First point: Rainbow fart, boast
The old man helps to take care of the baby and take care of the confinement, which is actually really hard. Therefore, for the mother-in-law's efforts, the mothers must not skimp on their praise!
"Wow, Mom, you don't wet the baby," so fast!"
"Mom, you see, as soon as you hold the baby, he won't cry, and the child will definitely like you in the future!"
The old man listened to the rainbow fart and was also very happy!
The second point: scientific parenting, come up with evidence
There is no doubt that old people love children, and many times they actually feel that scientific parenting, even if it is a cover. After all, I also took the baby like this before, and there was no accident, right?
Take out relevant news news, related specific reasons, related harm, and then "inadvertently" let the mother-in-law see, the effect will be better! For the sake of the children, they will change.
Reason four: the gap in living habits
After men and women get married, they will quarrel and make trouble because of the gap in living habits, not to mention two women getting together?
Sometimes, it may be because of whether the clothes are machine washed or hand washed, and contradictions can arise.
In the area of living habits, if the gap between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law is large, you may wish to explain it clearly to your mother-in-law in advance, and then "clearly distinguish". For example, the daughter-in-law's own room comes according to her own habits, and the mother-in-law's room follows her own habits. As for public space, just turn a blind eye! Because, the living habits of the elderly, it is really difficult to change!
You want others to be consistent with your own living habits, and you want someone to bring you a confinement, after all, the dilemma is complete.
Forbearance and letting go are also compulsory skills in the relationship between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law.
Pistachio Mom message
Mother-in-law and daughter-in-law get along, but also need technology, hard and hard, and finally lose both.
For the mother-in-law who does not enter the chai rice oil and salt, instead of holding back and quarreling at home every day, making the family restless, then it is better to move out with her husband. Distance, although it does not necessarily produce beauty, but at least, can block a lot of "ugly".
Do you have any good advice for getting along with your mother-in-law and daughter-in-law?