Children enter puberty, and this is the right thing to do

A few days ago, my girlfriend and I complained about the troubles of children entering puberty. I told her that in fact, during the child's adolescence, parents only need to do one thing, that is, disappear, and try to make the child not feel your presence.

My girlfriend looked at me questioningly. And I told her about two clips from the book "To Kill a Mockingbird."

The book tells the story of a single father who grew up with two children.

The first clip is of an incident in which sister Scout speaks dirty

Little sister Scutter, one day suddenly began to say dirty words.

But when her uncle found out about the problem and told Scott's dad, her dad just said lightly, "Don't take care of her Jack." She's testing you. She had been swearing like this for a week. ”

Then, there is no then. Dad knew of Scutt's absolute mistake and neither questioned nor lashed out.

He chose to let the matter pass quietly.

Unchecked or educated, Scout continued his profanity. Even one day, she couldn't resist asking her uncle Jack what "bitch" meant.

Uncle Jack couldn't sit still again, and after he had shifted the subject, he once again reflected Scott's problem to her father.

At this point, I stopped and asked my girlfriend: What would you do if you noticed that your child started talking dirty frequently?

The answer was unsurprising. She said that she would be surprised at first, then she would get angry and ask the child who had learned this bad problem with, and finally she would even talk about education to scare, hoping that from now on the child would never say dirty words again.

However, Scout's father did not do this. In the face of Uncle Jack's second reminder, the father said the following:

Swearing is a stage that all children go through, and as they grow older, they will find that swearing does not make them a star in the spotlight, and they will change this problem.

He believes that swearing is only a psychological process and growth process in the growth of children. Just give them some time and they will slowly grow up with themselves and get rid of this problem.

The second clip is a reminder of his brother's puberty to his sister

When it comes to adolescence, parents have headaches.

Children are suddenly not as attached to us as when they were young, and many times they like to lock the door and be alone in the room, and they are no longer willing to share with us what they have in their hearts.

The "mom" and "mom" that used to give us a headache seemed to disappear overnight.

Emotional gaps and feelings of loss, mixed with feelings of rejection and abandonment, are like a wave of heat that hits us and makes us restless.

We either blame the child, or we can't help but want to squeeze into the child's life.

In fact, this reaction of children is just a normal manifestation of their adolescence.

In To Kill a Mockingbird, when his brother Jem gets upset because he's entering adolescence, Dad tells his sister Scout.

He said, "Jem is growing up; I want to be calm with him and try to disturb him as little as possible. ”

The father chose to leave his child's adolescent time with the personal space he needed.

Dad's considerations

Many people will think, will Dad be too risky to do this? After all, we have heard from a young age that "small trees are not small, not cut, not straight", "precautions are prevented".

In fact, when children have such and such problems in the process of growing up, the first thing we must do is to judge in combination with the child's daily performance and psychological state.

If the child's surroundings are good and the child himself is good, we can safely give the child a process of self-growth, as Scout and Jem's father did.

It's a bit like the natural metamorphosis of small animals.

There are many small animals around us, all of which will undergo the process of transformation. When they were young, they did not look outstanding, even a little ugly, but when they grew up, they would naturally transform and become beautiful.

For example, the peacocks, butterflies, pandas and swans we are familiar with are all like this.

For children, swearing and not getting along is just a small fragment of their growth. If parents just observe silently, as long as things are within the control range and do not bother, this behavior will slowly disappear with the growth of children.

But if parents pay too much attention to these problems of their children, they will not only make their anger provoke their children's rebellion, but also unconsciously strengthen the memory of this matter in the child's mind, so that the child takes the initiative to strengthen the bad behavior.

In fact, for many controllable small mistakes, we can choose to "turn a blind eye and listen to no sound" and let growth help us solve problems. In the words of Jiang Wen's movie: let the bullets fly for a while.

Write at the end

In fact, adolescent children are powerless against themselves.

Adolescence is not their pretense.

It is only during this time that they have awakened to self-awareness, but the prefrontal area of the brain that controls reason and emotions has not yet developed, so they will appear rebellious and unreasonable.

And for all of us, including ourselves, the prefrontal lobe matures after the age of 18.

Sometimes I think that if we understand why children have puberty and what puberty means to children, we may be able to better understand and tolerate children and accompany them through this special time.