"In adolescence, what do children least stand about their parents?" ------------------------

The child's "rebellious" purpose: to declare the independence of the self

Behavioral Performance:

- deliberately doing something against the parents;

Questioning rules and expectations;

Resisting or categorically rejecting parental advice;

- Resist communication

Communication Result: 2 extremes, the child is either silent or violently erupting

[@Case] There was a topic collected on the network:

- "In adolescence, what do you least stand about your parents?" ”

Some netizens sorted out 8 "crimes":

Talk only about learning, nagging, preaching, denial, emotional out of control, snooping on privacy, not trusting yourself,

Doesn't care what I really think.

Is it a shame that you often do that? ~~~：（

The main causes of communication conflicts:

Parents tend to solve problems according to their own intentions, rather than listening!

Adolescent children, in particular, deserve the chaotic moments of adolescents, including physical, mental, psychological, and so on;

In addition to hormone secretion and rapid physical maturation, adolescent brains and minds are undergoing drastic and revolutionary changes.

(The prefrontal lobe of the brain, which controls rational analysis, lags behind and is out of sync with the overall development of the body; second, the accumulation of knowledge and experience is insufficient).)

At this time, the child is more willing to seek his own identity and is willing to integrate with his peers rather than with the family.

Teenagers want to make their own decisions, choose their own friends, arrange their own activities, stick to their own ideas, and pursue their dreams.

There are 2 root causes of conflict: one is not to trust children, and the other is to believe in yourself too much.

Three effective solutions:

First, listening is more important than advice

If children share information without feeling stressed, they are more likely to open up to their parents.

1.1 Avoid saying, "Let's talk," but talk naturally when your child is relaxed.

1.2 Busy parents can agree on family meeting communication, allowing different opinions to be expressed.

Note: When communicating,

Parents examine themselves first" is they speaking in a demanding or threatening manner. ”

Second, creative communication, communicate with children in different ways

1.1 Use the open-ended question method instead of the closed question method.

Did you have a good time at school today? Instead: Tell me about your day

1.2 Use more encouraging and constructively oriented sentences, use less to list blames, and take care of the dignity of children

Rather than saying: "You are not studying yet, I can see that you are not studying hard at all";

Instead, ask, "How are you preparing for your exam?" Do you need any help? ”

1.3 Always guide children to think about the causal relationship of events through small things and phenomena

When a child encounters a problem or setback, he can describe his or her own (or friends around him) experiences when he was younger,

Give the child as a reference [of course, the child can also not refer to];

But be sure to let the child come to a conclusion through his own thinking and reasoning,

Only if the child approves of it, the child will be more willing to change and implement.

Guide children to pay more attention to the details of life or learning, and observe the small things or news events that occur around them;

Often inspire children to think about the causal relationships between them and create authentic emotional experiences in life.

1.4 Grasp the timing; when the time is not right, communication will often be counterproductive.

No matter how much you want to talk to your child about something, like a learning plan,

Or deeper moral things, or their ideals and futures,

Choose your time wisely to create topics,

Never talk about it when you're exhausted, hungry, or emotionally confrontational.

1.5 Create positive experiences and topics

Children's reluctance to communicate is often the case: Parents often overreact.

Human beings react strongly to negative prejudices or criticisms, which is due to the nature of human nature.

This is also why many parents are "more likely to focus on negative behaviors and ignore positive behaviors."

Most teens don't communicate with their parents because:

They are afraid of their parents' overreaction.

"Teenagers don't do terrible things all day"

—Said Kirstin, an American family education expert.

It's important to "try to catch your child as they behave positively."

"Because positive communication can lead to positive interactions and outcomes,

The more sparks you see in your child, the more opportunities you have to communicate effectively. ”

The famous psychologist Ginsburg also agrees with this view;

He said: "If you only focus on the behaviors that disappoint you or their grades,

They will think that you only see them in terms of the negative results they produce. ”

"And teens just want to know that no matter what happens, parents are willing to support them"

Parents can try to create some positive experiences:

In a happy atmosphere, communication will be better.

Children need to be with their parents and have fun and enjoyable experiences.

Talk to your child about their interests, such as music, sports, hobbies, weekend plans,

Future goals and show interest in what they talk about.

Embrace their changes, be curious about them, and try to find out the merits of them,

And participate with them where possible.

If your teenage regularly logs into a social media or plays games,

Then please try to understand or play, this is the reality of adolescent life,

Embrace them and you will become close to your child.

Don't always confine your child and yourself to a small space in your home,

Or in the narrow cognition of the self.

Go out for a fun afternoon tea, go to a cool museum,

Take a hiking adventure, mountain climbing trip, Gobi crossing,

Take a deep breath with your child and experience the ease of physical exertion together.

We need to look at life through a different perspective and understand life.

Sometimes, our kids just need to change the environment and have a little fun.

Children will realize:

We're really on their side, and you're going to have more conversations.

Third, establish family norms together, especially principled topics related to character qualities,

Parents should lead by example.

Children are sometimes "rebellious" by the inconsistent words and deeds of our parents and passive slackness.

For example, to cultivate "the quality of persistence";

At the age of 2 to 6 years, through trial and observation screening, when we find that the child shows interest or talent for a certain skill (dance, music, art, sports, etc.), we should encourage the child to develop a training plan together and stick to it.

At this time, the persistence of parents leading by example is crucial.

On the one hand, parents can let their children observe their efforts and persistence in improving their work skills and effectiveness;

On the other hand, you can also choose to accompany the child in the initial stage of interest to do persistence training;

Third, parents can also choose a new hobby or skill, lead by example, and insist on practicing, driving and influencing their children.

In short, parents start according to their actual situation, choose things that are suitable for themselves to adhere to and adhere to, and lead by example;

Accompany your child through the transition period and tired period of "starting to like but can't stick to it",

Develop good habits of doing things consistently.

The worst is not to let the child learn, he can not lead by example, but also on the side of the trouble,

Noise, brush mobile phone brush, brush drama, to interfere with the formation of children's concentration.

On the road to raising children, it is not too late at any time.

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