Author/Sunny Day
Chatting with a friend, she talked about the idea that she didn't want to have children, mainly because she thought that even if she had children, children would not necessarily be filial piety.
Then, she gave some examples of what she saw, some old people have children and daughters, and even a lot of them, but when they are old, they are still monomorphic and lonely, and even when they leave, they are quietly alone.
Regarding the sadness after getting old, I think that many people have witnessed some real situations in their lives to a greater or lesser extent, so if they are linked to themselves, they will inevitably have negative thoughts about it.
In fact, the things of the world, originally there is not only one mold, many things are not absolute, we should still learn to use an objective attitude, to rationally analyze some phenomena, rather than a leaf of obstruction, see a fact, substitute into a group, defined as a universal phenomenon.
Of course, some people may say, is it only for the sake of raising children for their own old age? Definitely not, in the process of growing up, the positive effects brought to parents are definitely many, complement each other, and these are not in conflict with the dependence on children after aging. Because it is undeniable that when life reaches a certain age, just like everyone can't do without their parents in early childhood, many things will seem inadequate, and they must rely on their children for assistance or help, which is an unavoidable thing.
At the same time, not all children are unfilial when they grow up.
To tell the truth, what kind of person a person grows into is closely related to the concepts accepted when he was a child and some phenomena he saw, because some words and some things have long inadvertently laid a certain foundation for the child's thoughts, and later even subconsciously imitated.
Just like a child who grew up in a violent domestic environment, although he does not like this way in adulthood, his attitude when facing intimate relationships may still unconsciously reproduce what his father or mother once did, or even the most disliked practice he once did.
This is the impact of the environment.
Speaking of this, I think of a friend of my father,he has two children, really not filial piety, the eldest daughter has never returned to her mother's house after marriage, the younger son will only nibble on the old, but he does not know how to be grateful, no matter what they do, they think it is right, and often lose their temper with adults.
He summed this up as his bad luck, having children and daughters, but he may still have nothing to rely on in old age.
He now realized with great clarity that neither of his children could be reliable.
But in fact, it seems to me that everything is not purely due to luck, and the cause of the character of his two children is inseparable from their husband and wife. Because he himself is not a filial piety person, even to his own mother is not polite at all, when he was young, he did not have any sense of responsibility for the family, often did not go home for many days, and later faced with the pension of his parents at home, he as the boss of various excuses, causing his brother to also begin to be uneven, saying that why do you suffer losses, you can only support the elderly alone?
There is a saying in the countryside, called: "The eaves of the water are dripping, and there is no difference between the little and the little." "It is mainly a metaphor for the far-reaching influence of parents' words and deeds on their children, and the image shows that if there are parents, there are children."
In the old age, filial parents of their children often have one thing in common: most of themselves can teach by example and do a good job in this matter, which is the best education for children.
Of course, there are certainly some exceptions to everything, but in most cases, the role of a family style in shaping personal character cannot be ignored.
On the other hand, this is also the influence of the original family.
When I think about it, it makes sense.
I have more relatives in my family, my mother counts her, there are a total of 6 brothers and sisters, everyone is more harmonious, often get together to eat, and when encountering things, they are also very united, so the relationship between our next generation is basically very good, and there is no contradiction.
For parents, they are basically filial piety, that is, they belong to the kind of mentality that no matter how many children there are, no matter how many others do, filial piety to parents cannot be compared, but they think that they must be ashamed of their mentality.
Therefore, everyone's children have basically inherited their parents' views and are now filial piety.
Only my uncle, the uncle is one of the richer ones in the family, he always runs outside, spends very little time at home, never cares about children, takes care of the time to visit the elderly is also much less, may go once or twice a year. In comparison, the two children in the uncle's family are really the most unfilial, very rebellious, and the temper is not good, although they are already working, but they often ask their parents for money, and they will compare with each other, the boss says that the parents are unfair, give the younger brother more, the younger brother says to the sister more, anyway, they all think that they have suffered losses, and even quarrel with their parents, and also quarrel with each other.
The uncle said directly, I don't want to care about them, just do whatever they want.
The result of this result is certainly impossible if it has nothing to do with the family atmosphere.
In many things, parents are basically the child's first teacher, how parents do, from a young age will form a model in the child's mind, a long time, naturally they are easy to follow this model to do things. Some people, who may later be able to self-reflect through learning, and re-break their original value system to rebuild, constantly shaping new three views and ideas, and slowly become the kind of person they expect.
But not everyone can do this, but only a few can do it, and more people end up following the way their parents behave in the world to a certain extent.
Therefore, as a parent, if you want your children to be filial piety, you must first really set a good example, the so-called bad bamboo shoots, absolutely not a universal phenomenon, anything can not be judged by a few examples, the power of words and deeds, is crucial.
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