Parents read intensively: belittling, habitually demeaning the child's parents, in fact, is not bad, just do not understand love, may we speak well, praise him well, in order to embrace more love.
Author: Wooden Man (Parents Intensive Reading Author)
It was a shock.
Recently saw a video like this:
At the door of a milk tea shop in Changzhou, Jiangsu Province, there stood a person playing a doll, an 8- or 9-year-old boy, who actually stepped forward and kicked hard, and kicked again.
What is even more speechless is that the parents next to them not only do not stop the children, but the adults themselves also come forward and prick the ears of the dolls.
This scene immediately caused public outrage, and the comments at the bottom were surprisingly consistent: "Parenting problems", "Children don't understand things, adults don't understand things", "There must be a bear parent behind the bear child".
Yes, bear children are caused by adult bears, when the child's every small move, is ignored by adults, every wrong behavior, adults do not think so, parents connivance again and again, over time, it is easy to destroy a child.
The thinker Emerson said, "What kind of person a child will eventually become depends largely on the love, companionship, and example he receives from the first educator." ”
Children are most likely to learn from each other, the power of example is infinite, and the harm of bad demonstration is also enormous.
It may take a lot to make a child, but destroying a child is too simple.
If you don't want to destroy a child, be sure to avoid these behaviors.
Ignoring it is most likely to destroy a child
Watched a short film called "Dear Alice":
On the bus, the little boy drew carefully, and when he finished painting, he looked up and saw that the girl on the other side was intently depicting, she used the boy as a model, held up the crayon to compare his silhouette, the boy was very cooperative, and the girl was happy to draw.
When she showed the painting to her mother, but her mother was busy calling, the girl felt a little disappointed, but the girl still frowned and finished the painting, a sharp brake, the brush fell to the ground, and then the girl discarded her own painting.
What a disappointment, the parents' sight is an affirmation and support, and if it is not seen, it seems that persistence will lose its meaning.
The boy picked it up and found it painted himself, and he wanted to comfort the little girl that she could get off the train at the station, and the girl was lost alone.
The boy suddenly recalled that he had been ignored by his parents when he was a child, so he handed the brush and the drawing to the girl, so the girl continued to draw, and when he was finished, he handed it to the boy, which painted the boy and the girl.
When we see children, children will naturally see themselves, children who are ignored, will doubt their own existence, will also doubt the love of parents for themselves, this negative existence, will stifle children's hobbies and dreams, but also hinder the pace of children's progress.
Previously, a student wrote an essay "My life is like a plant raised at home", feeling that my existence is like a plant.
She said that her mother's plants did not grow well, and her mother always envied other people's plants that grew well, and until today she found that she was very similar to plants.
Plants are the same as me, the leaves have macula, defects, ugly colors, because my mother forgot to water when she was busy, sometimes the roots of the plant dried up for four or five days, and my mother remembered to water, and my mother once said that she would always forget.
She can't help but feel that she is like a plant, always perfunctory and ignored, her father will go out for two or three days as soon as he travels, and when he comes back, he will go out to play, and his environment is the same as that of plants.
When moving, my mother smashed a pot of plants and suddenly found that the roots of the plants were full of fat bugs, which was extremely disgusting.
The girl asks if she will only be seen and cared for after she rots from the roots?
If we really wait until then, will it be too late to regret it?
A child's growth needs to be seen, just as a plant needs water.
The unseen child is like the sunshine and water that cannot be sought, and over time, disappointed in the parents, far away from the parents, and then the exuberant heart loses its vitality and gradually withers.
"Seeing is healing", not seeing is the greatest harm to children, when we often communicate with children, express concern, let children feel warm and loving, have self-confidence, full of security, in order to embrace a better future.
Anger is an invisible weapon to hurt children
There is a famous kicking cat effect in psychology.
A father was criticized by his boss at the company and came home and scolded the children who jumped around on the couch.
The child's heart was on fire, and he kicked the cat rolling around him fiercely, and the cat fled to the street, just as a truck drove by, the driver quickly avoided it, but injured the child on the side of the road.
In the parent-child relationship, when the parents' bad emotions are not stopped, they will spread indefinitely, hurt the weak children, and finally the parents will blame themselves and regret.
In the TV series "All Is Good", Mingyu's sister-in-law Wu Fei once angered her daughter.
Because Wu Fei was alone in the United States with his daughter Xiaomi, while busy with work, he was also responsible for picking up and dropping off his children, resulting in being scolded by his boss after being late three times a month.
After returning home, Wu Fei was frustrated and tired, and when her daughter touched the storage bag on the countertop, things scattered on the ground.
Suddenly, she broke out and beat her daughter with her hands, and when her daughter cried in fright, Wu Fei, who was ashamed, hugged her daughter and cried.
An apology after hurt is a form of atonement, but it is even more joyful if it is never hurt.
Parents anger children, in essence, bullying, adults face children, naturally strong whether it is anger or scolding children, children can only endure silently, but the harm is invisible and terrible.
Fan Deng said: "90% of the parents scolding their children comes from anger, that is, their frustration and their own incompetence are transferred to the children on the other side. ”
Parents are moody, exposing the lack of ability, insufficient cultivation, children can not see the parents' inner world, only see the parents of joy and sorrow, because of the fear of angering the parents, so they do things trembling, or try to please, lack of security.
If the child is always hurt by the anger of the parents, the child is naturally afraid, wants to stay away, does not dare to believe the love of the parents, and dare not love the parents, the rift in the parent-child relationship will also increase.
Depreciation is a thorn in the child's heart
@Sorrowful Knight Pawn once shared a story on Weibo:
A doctor who re-examined a girl with depression and saw the girl reading a book, and the doctor boasted: "This child really works hard."
Unexpectedly, my mother burst out a sentence: "Work hard, fake hard work." ”
The doctor jumped to his feet in a hurry, and his mother's words ruined the doctor's efforts.
But the most bitter is the child, by the relatives in front of outsiders casually ridiculed and degraded, how cruel, you can also imagine, growing up in the parents of the negative environment of the parents at will, how to grow up healthily?
A netizen told his experience:
Because he was beaten down by his parents since he was a child, he lacked self-confidence and a strong sense of inferiority since he was a child. Many people advised dad not to always hit her, she had a lot of flashpoints, dad heard this, came home and scolded her.
In college, her teacher talked to her father and told him not to always say that the child was not OK, and his father insisted that she could not do it in the first place.
However, although she has poor introverted language expression ability, she has won awards in national competitions because she loves to read books and writes well. Even so, Dad thought that it was useless to write well, and eloquence was important.
Under the indoctrination of her father's "you can't do it", she feels that she is useless, and when she reaches the age of love, there are very good boys who confess to her, she refuses one by one, feeling that she is not worthy of anyone, and now at the age of 37, she still has not been in love.
The depreciation of parents has an impact on children, never for a while, but for a lifetime. The depreciation of parents will not only affect the child's personality, lead to inferiority and negativity, but also affect the concept of marriage and love.
Dr. Jane Nelson once asks the soul in the book: "Where did we get such an absurd idea that if we want to make a child better, we should first make him feel worse." ”
Whether the parents' depreciation is to motivate the child to become good, or to complain that the child is really bad, there is only one result, that is, the child has a thorn in her heart, always making her doubt the love of her parents, and then a lifetime of excellent self-confidence.
"The Bondage of a Mother" says: "Love comes from parents, and sadly, hurt also comes from parents, and this hurt is hidden and heavy." ”
Ignoring, parental disregard is often effortless, but when we look up at the child, you will find more beauty;
Anger, anger a child only needs a minute and a second, but if you endure and avoid anger, the child will return you more smiley faces;
Belittling, the habit of belittling the parents of children, is actually not bad, but do not understand love, may we speak well, praise him well, in order to embrace more love.
How easy it is to destroy a child, and how important it is to try to avoid harm.
Children come because of us and expect us to teach them more love.
About the author: Wooden people, parents intensive reading columnist, the copyright of this article belongs to Fushu, unauthorized, may not be reproduced, infringement will be investigated
Note: The picture source of this article is online, if there is infringement, please contact to delete