For many years for parents, one of the things that most challenges parental nurturing and patience is that children's emotions are out of control during the epidemic online class. During the home online class, how should parents take good care of their children and their own emotions, how to make their children emotionally stable in the face of learning and life, how to maintain a harmonious parent-child relationship, and a happy and happy family atmosphere?
In order to help parents and children do a good job of emotional regulation, and still feel the sweetness of family happiness and parent-child interaction under the epidemic online class, the Shenzhen Academy of Education Sciences and the Shenzhen Mental Health Education Guidance Center give parents the following suggestions.
The meme originated from Shen Xiaowei, but was inspired by thousands of Shenzhen parents
All psychological problems are ultimately reflected through bad emotions, which in turn affects children's normal learning and life. As parents have recently felt, during the home online class, children's emotional fluctuations will be more serious than usual, and it is easy to be fried because of "a little thing" such as parents urging several times, network caton, homework will not be written, the surrounding environment is a little noisy, the meal is not good, etc., these emotions have spread widely and affected the child's class, homework and getting along with teachers, students and parents.
Many parents may be confused, it is cold outside, parents are running around to support a home, children can rest assured that they can stay at home and take online classes comfortably, why is it so easy to lose their temper, anxiety, depression? Some parents may feel that their children are arrogant and psychologically fragile, so they are not in the mood to manage their children, so they ignore, criticize, accuse, or "fake care": first express concern, but actually want to criticize and accuse, requiring children not to have emotions.
However, behind every emotion there is a psychological need to grow, and emotions that are not seen and allowed to be expressed will never disappear. They are simply hidden or buried alive and will one day explode in worse form. For example, a common phenomenon that occurs among many primary and secondary school students: children have a long-term backlog of negative emotions because they are not respected and understood for a long time, and finally one day they are angry because of their parents' small nagging, and a fierce quarrel occurs with their parents, while the parents are confused and accuse the children of filial piety and gratitude, thus opening a vicious circle of parent-child interaction mode...
Whether a person is happy or not often depends on non-intellectual factors, mainly related to emotions. Only when parents are emotionally stable and peaceful can they handle the parent-child relationship well, and a good parent-child relationship is the necessary premise and foundation for family education. Therefore, in this special period of the epidemic, parents need to do a good job of emotional management for themselves and to help their children, so that they can live a life of filial piety, happy learning for children, and safe work for parents.
1
Be aware of the emotions that children have
If you don't understand, you can't accept it, and if you don't accept it, you don't have the consciousness to feel the child's emotional fluctuations carefully and delicately, think about the psychological needs behind the child's emotions, and help the child to do emotional counseling in a targeted manner. Therefore, parents need to understand the reasons behind the acceptance of emotions:
Environmental causes:
Most children do not want to take online classes themselves, and they are also worried that they cannot focus on learning during the anxiety online class, which will affect their learning efficiency (especially junior high school students);
Human emotion regulation needs to be supported by happy energy, which needs to be obtained through a variety of rich lives such as contact with nature and chatting with friends. The closed and monotonous home online classes make them lack happy energy, resulting in children being unable to adjust their emotions well;
Parent-child relationship is also a kind of interpersonal communication, interpersonal communication is an energy-consuming thing, if the child is not very good at dealing with parent-child relationship, easy to have conflicts with parents, they will continue to consume energy in close interaction with parents at home, and finally even produce dangerous emotional states such as anxiety and depression. Therefore, during the epidemic home online class, parents need to help their children identify undesirable stimuli in the environment, help their children eliminate such stimuli, and give their children a harmonious home environment that maintains emotional peace.
Physiological causes:
The amygdala of the brain is the brain tissue that produces, recognizes, and regulates emotions, and generally matures when a person is an adult.
Therefore, when the children's amygdala is still evolving and is still far from maturity, sometimes it does seem more emotional and "unreasonable".
However, this is a growth phenomenon that often occurs in the adolescent stage, not a problem, please be patient with the limitations of the child at this stage.
Psychological causes:
In the process of continuous development, people need to continuously meet psychological needs, psychological needs can not be met will hinder people's growth, will produce emotional disorders, affect physical and mental health and then affect normal life.
If the child's emotional fluctuations during the home online class change greatly, it is obviously different from usual, and it is necessary to think about whether to meet the child's psychological needs such as "trust, autonomous space, self-esteem, and security...".
Such as observing and thinking about whether children have frequently mentioned that they are not understood or trusted recently? Are your children overly anxious about the pandemic or online learning? Have children been often picky, nagged, and even scolded lately?
Didn't hit the kid today?
The negative emotions caused by the change of these factors are quietly surrounding the children, making the children feel uncomfortable, irritable, depressed, and slowly erupt in some small things. Parents need to learn more, cultivate themselves to become more delicate parents, perceive children's emotional fluctuations from their children's abnormal behavior, see psychological needs through behavior, and timely emotional counseling and reasonably meet children's psychological needs.
2
Help your child with emotional channeling
Everyone has varying degrees of mood swings every day, which is bound to happen. Emotional problems are divided into general emotional problems and emotional disorders, which can seriously damage a child's psychological, social functioning and physical health.
Therefore, parents need to learn to distinguish what state is a general emotional problem and what state is a mood disorder problem, so as not to be overly anxious, think strategically to help children channel emotions, and avoid general emotional problems from evolving into emotional disorder problems.
1. General emotional problems
General emotional problems refer to bad emotions caused by specific events rather than inexplicable, which do not last long, and can be calmed down through the patience of parents under their own rational control, and can maintain normal learning, life and normal interpersonal communication.
Under the epidemic online class, parents and children are more likely to have general emotional problems, causing a lot of adverse consequences, the most common is that everyone has not managed their emotions and anger their families and finally triggered fierce parent-child conflicts and family wars. If these emotional problems can be seen and resolved in time, they will not have serious consequences.
Therefore, how to reasonably regulate these emotions is a major challenge for parents and children, parents need to learn more, learn to help children do a good job of emotional management, so that the whole family is not knocked down by this challenge, so that children gradually develop more mature emotional management capabilities.
Hold back, first slide to the back of the text [Dissipation Sutra]
Emotional management generally has three stages: "unconscious repression or venting" to "conscious catharsis and expression" to "conscious awareness and growth".
When the child has bad emotions, such as when the child has been very attentive but the child has not finished the homework and cries, parents can think and try:
(1) The moment the emotions just come, the child cries and makes a fuss, at this time in the first stage of emotional management, this time the parents say that the child will not listen to what the child says, so don't rush to do any reasonable work, you can try to let the child make a fuss for a while or use a fun way to divert the child's attention.
(2) When the child begins to calm down, parents can help the child to do the second stage of emotional management, patiently comfort the child and encourage the child to express "I am not unreasonable, but because the homework is not written, so I have a bad mood." and other reasons, and encourage children to vent in a direct way or in other mature ways in the next exercise.
(3) When the child is completely calm, parents can help the child to carry out the third stage of emotional management. Parents can discuss with their children in depth why they are aware of why they lose their temper, emotional behavior can not solve the problem, accept the fact that they have not finished their homework this time and ask parents to understand how to complete homework efficiently.
Every time an emotion occurs, it is actually an opportunity for children to perceive and grow. The above emotional management methods are more practiced, parents have experience, the child loses his temper again, he will not be so flustered and anxious, knowing that the next time the child's emotions come, it is not by yelling, not by scolding, but by letting the child vent first, and then empathizing with his emotions, gently and firmly talking to the child. And children grow up slowly in this educational process, and emotional management may be able to reach the third stage in one step, and there is no need for parents to bother with counseling.
2. Mood disorders
(1) There are emotional ups or downs for a period of time, and even sometimes express hallucinations, exaggerated delusions and other symptoms;
(2) Slow thinking for a period of time, sudden mental changes, decreased will activity such as uncontrollable long-term Internet access, slow behavior such as writing homework, and doing things very slowly compared with before.
(3) Changes in physiological states such as physical symptoms such as dizziness, headache, diarrhea, stomach pain, weight loss, neurasthenia such as difficulty falling asleep and easy to wake up.
(4) Personality traits change, such as introverted children suddenly become gushing, extroverted children suddenly do not say a word.
If the above phenomenon occurs, please do not wait, do not ask the child to adjust on his own, the child can not do, will only be more serious in the delay, be sure to take the child to the psychiatrist, according to the doctor's advice and do physical therapy or psychological treatment.
3. High risk
The prefrontal lobe of the brain is part of the rational brain, responsible for rationally controlling human behavior, and is the most advanced part of the brain, and it is also the most late mature part.
For primary and secondary school students, especially adolescent children, their prefrontal lobes are far less mature, emotions are better than reason, and it is easy to impulsively act aggressively driven by negative emotions.
Therefore, parents must improve their awareness of risks and avoid some fierce confrontations with their children. In addition, it is also necessary to be vigilant to observe whether the child has self-harm behavior, very paranoid and extreme thoughts, strong thoughts of light life, and even high-risk behaviors such as light life plans. If it appears, please be sure to take your child to the hospital immediately or seek the support of the school class teacher and psychological teacher.
3
Regulate your emotions
During the epidemic online course, the problems that have emerged will not only cause children's emotional problems, but also easily trigger children's and parents' own emotional problems and then lead to parent-child relationship problems and husband and wife relationship problems.
Parents who are out of control of their emotions, in the eyes of their children, are a vicious beast, which will devour their children's trust and dependence on their parents, so that children are always in a state of mind of fear. For example, when emotional and heated quarrels often occur between parents, elementary school students will have anxiety and bad behavior problems, while teenagers will have depression, learning problems, and other serious problems, such as addictive behavior or self-harm. From the perspective of growth, even if the child does not have problems now, it will also bury deep hidden dangers in the development of the child's personality.
Similarly, both parents are tormented by their emotions, which in turn affects their physical and mental health and productivity.
Therefore, during the home online class, the emotional problems of parents should also be seen and concerned.
When parents identify that they have bad emotions, it is not suitable to do some conflict-prone things such as tutoring children to write homework and asking children about their learning progress. You need to express your emotions in a way that does not hurt yourself and your family, such as taking a deep breath, leaving temporarily, reading, drawing, aerobic exercise, talking to friends, etc., first divide the task of family education to the other half, turn the attention to your family to yourself, if it is serious, you must also actively seek medical treatment, first take care of your own heart and then face others.
If parents still have emotional counseling and parent-child relationship problems during their children's home online classes, they can actively communicate with the class teacher and school psychology teacher, or call the hotline of the psychological counseling center in various districts of Shenzhen for help.
Only when you understand the reason is useful if you do it
Continuously doing so also requires practice
Therefore, it is recommended that parents recite the [Deflation Sutra] every day.
Make it into a mobile wallpaper or
Computer screensavers are also excellent
【Deflation Sutra】
Lose your temper for online lessons
Go back and think about why
There is no one to replace the disease
I'm mad
And it hurts and is laborious
First Educational Content Team
Reprinted from Shenzhen Psychological and Family Education Guidance Center