Hello everyone, I'm Shen Jiahong.
Today, I would like to share with you the public welfare class of epidemic psychological management, with the theme:
During the epidemic online lessons, how to deal with children's Internet addiction?
When it comes to children's Internet access, some parents may have a headache, because they really have no way to deal with their children's Internet access.
Especially during the epidemic period, their children took the opportunity of online classes to secretly play games online, or engage in some activities that had nothing to do with online class learning, such as brushing videos, Chatting on WeChat or reading online novels.
In the last lecture, we talked about the problem of children's boredom and refusal to learn, in fact, children's boredom and refusal to learn are closely related to Internet addiction.
There are usually children who are bored with school and refuse to go to school, and most of them have the problem of Internet addiction, as if they are twin brothers.
Therefore, when we talk about boredom and refusal to learn, we can't do without Internet addiction, and when we talk about Internet addiction, we can't do without being bored with learning and refusing to learn.
In the previous lecture, we said that the child's boredom is related to the refusal to learn and the child's sense of responsibility, in fact, internet addiction is also related to the child's sense of responsibility, and a responsible child usually does not become addicted to the Internet.
Therefore, cultivating children's sense of responsibility and ability to take responsibility will also help to solve children's Internet addiction.
Today I would like to talk about how to solve the problem of children's addiction to the Internet during the epidemic period during the epidemic.
Some parents are confused or confused about why their children are so addicted to the Internet.
He couldn't understand why his children were so obsessed with the Internet, such as online games, online novels, online chats, online videos, and had no interest in learning that they should take seriously.
Children who do not understand that in order to access the Internet, they can give up eating and sleeping, despite criticism and accusations from their parents, scolding and punishment.
They're in a hurry, they're confused, they want to pull kids out of the network, but it seems like all their efforts have had little effect.
They repeat ineffective methods in helplessness and hopelessness, and still persevere in their efforts to stop their children's desperate online behavior.
Here we see some contradictory parts:
The harder parents try to stop it, the more the child insists on their online behavior; and the more the child insists on their online behavior, the more the parents try to stop it.
There seems to be an endless cycle here again.
At this time, we also see that when parents do this, their parent-child relationship is seriously damaged.
When the parent-child relationship is broken, the parent and child become antagonistic.
And when children are hostile to their parents, they will not give what their parents want, and they will give what their parents do not want.
That is, what parents want their children to do, such as studying well, he is not partial to not doing; and parents are afraid of what their children do, such as addiction to the Internet, he will do it.
Some parents will think that their child is not addicted to the Internet or games, so they take their children to a counselor to quit the addiction.
They want the counselor to have a panacea to help his child quit his addiction.
In fact, children play games or indulge in the Internet through online classes, in addition to being related to the child's sense of responsibility, but also related to the parent-child relationship of parents.
Because the child does not have an intimate relationship in his family life that satisfies him, he will go to the Internet to find intimacy.
In this principle, if the child can have an intimate relationship in real life, then the child's addiction to the Internet can be solved.
Then, for the child, his most important intimate relationship is the relationship with his parents, which is what we often call the parent-child relationship.
If parents can manage their relationships well with their children, the children will be satisfied with the intimate relationship, and they will not need to use the Internet to obtain intimacy.
So how to manage the parent-child relationship? How can children get the satisfaction of intimacy from their relationship with their parents?
Parent-child relationship first involves parenting, if parents can give children a good parenting style, then children can get a good parent-child relationship.
Parent-child relationship also involves the parent's husband and wife relationship, if the parent's husband and wife relationship is not good, then the parent's intimate relationship will be affected, and it will be difficult for them to give the child intimate relationship.
Therefore, if you want to provide a good parent-child relationship for your children, parents need to work hard from the above two aspects.
Parenting style
1
So, how can parents provide good parenting for their children?
Psychological research has shown that parenting styles can be divided into four types: authoritarian, doting, neglectful, and authoritative.
Authoritarianism is when parents demand that their children absolutely obey themselves and do not give their children room to choose;
Coddling is when parents meet their children's needs without principle and do not make rules for their children;
Neglect is that parents will not meet the needs of their children and ignore the existence of children;
Authoritative is that parents give their children rules, but also give their children care and warmth.
Therefore, we see that if the parenting style of parents is authoritative, it can give the child intimate relationship in the parent-child relationship.
So, what does authoritative parenting look like?
Parenting involves two dimensions: one is to give the child rules and requirements, and the other is to give the child care and warmth.
From these two dimensions, we define four parenting styles.
Authoritarianism is only rules and requirements, no care and warmth;
The doting style is only caring and warm, no rules and requirements;
Neglect is that there are no rules and requirements, no care and warmth;
The authoritative style is both rules and requirements, as well as care and warmth.
So, the next key is how do parents achieve rules and requirements, care and warmth in their children?
Let's start with how to set rules and requirements for your child.
The important goal of parenting is to complete the socialization of children, and one of the most important contents of socialization is to give children the ability to follow the rules.
From developmental psychology, we know that when a child is 3 years old, the superego comes out, and the superego is a sign that a child understands right and wrong, and it is the time when it is necessary to make rules for the child.
Therefore, it is best to set rules for children and require them to follow the rules from the age of three.
Generally speaking, the formal socialization outside the child's family is the primary school. Therefore, the completion of the child's regular training is preferably before entering primary school.
Most children are 6 years old when they are in elementary school, so the child's regular training should be completed before the child is 6 years old. This part we used to call behavioral habits.
After arriving at primary school, it is the consolidation period of children's behavior habits, at this time, parents should strengthen the cultivation of children's awareness of rules.
Parents should express their firmness when implementing the rules, and at the same time, parents should show unity or agreement in front of the rules.
After junior high school, because the child has entered puberty at this time, parents need to be flexible when implementing the rules, and at the same time adjust some rules.
For example, the time to go to bed at night, making friends with children, and protecting children's privacy.
In some aspects, when parents express their demands or make demands on abiding by the rules, they need to discuss and discuss with their children, and finally reach a win-win plan that is acceptable to both parents and children.
At this stage, parents must not make unilateral decisions, let alone mandatory requirements, otherwise it will lead to strong resistance from children, and as a result, parental requirements or rules cannot be realized.
After the child reaches high school, parents are advised to stop managing the child.
Parents no longer require children, all the rules are left to the children to grasp, parents respect the child's choice can be.
If parents can follow the above sections, then children can gain a sense of rules and will also have the ability to follow the rules, and in this case, they will also follow the rules when they go online.
Parent-child relationship
2
In terms of parent-child relationship, it is very important for parents to be able to express unconditional love for their children.
The so-called unconditional love refers to the fact that no matter what kind of behavior their children have, they must love their children as adults.
What parents need to understand is that there is right and wrong in behavior, but there is no right or wrong in children as human beings.
Parents should not elevate their children's behavior to the judgment or evaluation of their children as a person.
Behavior is behavior, do not kidnap with the attributes of the child's person.
If the behavior is wrong, it is good to take responsibility.
Bad behavior cannot be considered to be bad for people.
Whether the behavior is good or not, people are good.
In this way, parents can receive stable love from their children, and the child's sense of security, trust and value will be guaranteed.
And when children have these psychological elements, they will get intimacy from their parents.
Therefore, we see that the parenting style of parents is very important for the healthy growth of children, and it is very critical to whether children can get intimate relationships from their parents.
In general, when parents are raised in a way that meets the needs of their children's intimate relationships, children no longer need to obtain intimacy from the Internet.
They can grasp the use of the network, can balance the relationship between the network and learning, so as to achieve healthy and comprehensive development.
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