When young children reach the age of three, their sociality begins to show, and they are eager to establish social relationships with others. But while the little ones are eager to make friends, they can be frequently frustrated in the process of action. In fact, children's social processes are very different from what adults think, and it is not a simple task to get the little ones to quickly integrate into the social group.
Usually adults always encourage children to try more when they encounter this situation, such as asking them to take the initiative to send out a dating application "Can I play with you?" Although this is very much in line with the laws of adult socialization, for children, this social "golden sentence" does not necessarily work.
Some time ago, Youyou came to the city from his hometown to attend kindergarten and middle class, and Youyou's parents were very worried that the little guy would not adapt to the rhythm of life in the city, but fortunately, the little guy's adaptability was very strong, and he was not rejected for going to kindergarten. However, a week later, Xiao Youyou still encountered a "big trouble".
"Mom, they don't want to play with me!" Although he promised the teacher to be friends with me, he did not want to play games with me! When she heard her son say this sentence with a crying voice, Youyou's mother was a little distressed. After thinking about it for a long time, she said to the child, "You can try to send out a game request, for example, can I play with you?" ”
In your mother's view, unsolicited applications usually get a polite response, and the probability of the child being rejected is very small. However, reality soon punched in the face, and this "inquiry" that seemed effective to adults did not help Youyou break the social awkward situation. "They still don't want to play with me, and some of them will directly reject me!"
I thought that I could solve the problem in one sentence, but I didn't expect it to be full of children's social wisdom, which really made Youyou's mother feel a little confused.
Why doesn't seemingly proactive social applications help children?
In the eyes of adults, asking the other person if they can play together is a very proactive and social way, and the other party usually does not explicitly refuse out of courtesy. But in fact, children's social interaction has a different speciality than adult socialization, and in real life, once children have issued a social application inquiry, they have a high probability of not getting a warm and friendly response.
Once asked, it means that the other party is given the opportunity to refuse, and the other party, who is also a child, will not be able to give a positive response and feedback because of the lack of social skills. That said, the other person's rejection isn't necessarily malicious, most likely just because they also lack social skills.
Although in the eyes of parents, taking the initiative to send out social applications can enhance the child's sense of social presence, but if this sense of existence is negative feedback, then, this will inevitably consume the child's social enthusiasm, from the result, such social guidance is not satisfactory. As Dr. Michael Thompson says, there are plenty of parents who confuse polite performance with effective social skills.
When children encounter social troubles, how can parents use children's social laws to guide them?
Whether the game played by the friends is interesting, what are their game content and rules, etc. These contents can be obtained through silent observation, and it is more efficient to figure out the "routine" of the game first than to rush into it. Figure out the purpose of the game and the game needs of the friends, then it will be much easier for the child to join it later.
When the child can give praise to the other party's game, then, this will make the other party understand that they are not maliciously making trouble, which will make it easier to establish a basic good feeling in the other party's heart. At the same time, it also raises questions that can trigger discussion, which means that the child has mastered the orientation of social interaction. In this process, parents must pay attention to guiding their children, even if they are kind suggestions, they cannot be too strong to point fingers at each other.
After the other party acquiesces to the child to join it, at this time, the little guy must play according to the existing rules to minimize the antipathy of the little friends. Then try to make some contributions that are conducive to the game, such as helping others to complete the game content, which can not only close the emotional relationship between the child and the little partner, but also make the game more efficient, and then form a virtuous interaction cycle.
In children's social networking, the inquiry when applying for social applications does not necessarily work, compared to the fact that it is more reliable to observe silently and then find an opportunity to join. When adults guide children to socialize, parents should get rid of their inherent adult social limitations, and now the child's perspective to guide their social skills.
Pillow Parenting Message:
The simple phrase "Can I play with you?" "It doesn't necessarily help children integrate quickly into the group, and parents should know more about the social laws of children." Practical, feasible, and effective social guidance can contribute to the development of children's social skills later on, and parents cannot be perfunctory at this point.
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