The new semester is coming, and the pace of the beginning of the school is getting closer and closer,
A crying drama of life and death,
It will be staged in every kindergarten.
Dear new parents who have entered the kindergarten, they are nervous and worried, but also curious:
What will be the status of my baby on her first day of entering the park alone?
Is it the one who has no heart and no lungs to say goodbye happily?
Or the one who cried the hardest and tore his heart out?
Those who do not experience crying are certainly a minority,
Some children don't cry for the first few days because they're still fresh.
After a few days, there will be a backlash, and after the reaction, I will start crying.
So it is difficult for children not to cry;
But what is even more difficult is that the parents themselves can calmly leave.
The child cries like this, how do I go?
I just walked away like this, will I be too cruel?
Will the child think that I left him and was hurt inside?
What to do? Do I want to go back and take another look?
On one side is the child who cries for "mother",
On one side is the old mother who is in pain and entanglement,
Gritting his teeth and pushing the child hard to the teacher,
At the same time as he turned to leave, he couldn't help but burst into tears.
Entering the kindergarten is imminent, how to shorten the baby's crying tide?
New parents may need the following admission goodbye tips.
【Preparation】
Step-by-step separation adaptation
Children enter kindergarten crying because they are afraid,
Family members who are afraid of attachment are gone.
Such worries can make them nervous, anxious, and unable to do anything in your absence.
This shows that it is a good thing that the baby has established a very healthy and safe attachment between you.
Entering the kindergarten means that the baby who has always been attached to you is practicing temporary separation from you.
So the key is to make the baby trust in your separation, you are only temporarily away, not gone forever.
Therefore, it is possible to practice this separation with the child step by step.
From the first 2 hours: you wake up mom is back
Slowly to half a day: After lunch Mom came back
Then all day: Mom comes back at dinner
Let the child slowly adjust to a brief separation from the mother.
There are a few tips:
【Admission】
Officially say goodbye, or quietly walk away?
Even if you are well prepared, you will still cry at the moment of separation.
Children may be rolling around, or silently weeping, just don't want to let you go.
Psychologist John Bowlby (1960) divided a child's separation anxiety into three stages:
Stage 1: Resistance
------------ Howling and crying, kicking and making trouble (separation anxiety outbreak)
Stage 2: Disappointment
- Intermittent, still crying, but less noisy, ignoring others, dull expression (mourning for grief)
Stage Three: Detachment and Relief
------------ Accept the care of outsiders and begin normal activities, such as eating and playing with toys, but seeing her mother will show sadness (the child sees the mother, and there is nothing to cry about).
Ballby believes that the child has separation anxiety and successfully passes through these three stages, and the child will be relieved.
Separation anxiety is a type of anxiety, and if the environment that triggers your child's anxiety does not change (you are reluctant to leave, the source of anxiety is always there), your comfort will actually become a catalyst for stirring up your child's anxiety.
The child's anxiety fire is about to be extinguished, you hold it again, back to the first stage of anxiety outbreak mode, the child can not enter the next two stages, the longer the crying time will be.
As long as the child's instinctive response is not terminated or satisfied, this anxiety will remain.
So, the right thing to do is --
After the official farewell, decisively leave,
Don't drag mud with water!
Taboo 1: Repeated instructions
Many parents do not trust their children, in fact, they do not trust the teacher.
Parents must believe that teachers will have their own correct judgments and practices when dealing with their children's separation anxiety.
When some mothers are sending them to the kindergarten, they repeatedly tell the teachers and children in front of the teachers:
"There are children who bully you, you have to fight back, and you have to tell the teacher."
"If you don't have enough to eat, take the initiative to ask the teacher for it;
"If you want to go to the bathroom, tell the teacher." There are spare clothes in the bag, remember to change into them when you get wet..."
The child originally had nothing to do, but when he listened to his mother's words, he was inexplicably nervous, dragging his mother to cry on the spot and not let go.
This is because these repeated instructions are telling children:
Remember: The child is a very bad emotional manager, but he is a master of emotional awareness.
Your anxiety will only spread to your child, making him more worried about anxiety.
Conversely, it's easy to help your child through kindergarten anxiety, you can:
When you confidently say goodbye to your child and talk to the teacher with ease and pleasure, the message your child gets is:
Taboo 2: Slip away quietly
Other parents will choose to slip away quietly.
The child looks back and finds that his mother is gone, and he will feel very insecure inside.
Therefore, the farewell ceremony must be there, it can give the child a sense of control.
Ritual can be a big loving hug – giving you energy;
A wave of the hand – goodbye, bye-bye;
A flying kiss – will miss you.
After doing all this, I resolutely turned my head and left.
The moment you turn your head and leave, please meditate in your heart:
The teachers are more professional than I am!
Baby adaptable!
Separation anxiety is not a bad thing!
Taboo 3: Cajoling and luring
Never cheat.
Don't lie to your child that "mommy goes to buy something delicious and comes back" (waiting for fruitlessness will make you more disappointed)
Don't say, "Kindergarten is the same as home (after finding out that the difference is different, the psychological gap is too big)"
Not to mention "finish today, not tomorrow" (don't play with your child's trust).
Kindergarten is essentially the process of expanding the child's circle of trust, slowly transitioning from family to teachers and friends.
If at this moment, the family makes up all kinds of lies in order to send them to the kindergarten, it will squeeze the child's sense of security and make him feel hostile to the new environment.
Similarly, don't tempt children with "rewards" such as snacks and toys, after all, sweetness cannot always exist, and over time, sugar-coated shells will fail.
Don't say, "Mom doesn't want to go to work, but I have to make money to buy you something good!"
Instead, he said, "Mom will miss you, and Mom will need to go to work." Going to work is just as much fun as going to school."
【Receiving the garden】There is a method
Finally, I would like to highlight it:
Whether it's separation anxiety or unfamiliar adaptation anxiety, it's all about motivating children to prepare for future threats.
A moderate process of anxiety adaptation can help to stimulate your child's potential.
As long as parents can respond in a positive way, children around 2.5-3 years old can basically digest themselves and soothe their anxiety.
At this point, we must believe in children.
In short, when a child goes to kindergarten, it is separation and growth.
Relax and accompany your child to cross over,
You will meet a more powerful child.