Some time ago, a child abuse incident in Guizhou provoked the anger of the whole network!
The 4-year-old girl, beaten by her stepmother, was burned with alcohol, and if the neighbors had not found out and kindly sent the child to the hospital, the girl might not have even saved her life.
Tiger poison is still not eating children, how can people's hearts be so vicious!
In addition to anger, I can't help but think that there are many children in reality who are also suffering from different degrees of abuse by parents, and unlike the above incidents, this abuse will not leave any scars on the child, and even the parents themselves do not know that they are abusing their children. That's what it is – emotional abuse.
Rejection, indifference, criticism, isolation, or intimidation are all forms of emotional abuse, the most common forms of verbal violence and cold violence, which are far more harmful to children than physical abuse.
Verbal violence
When I was studying sociology, I once gave an interview to a 5th grader at an elementary school and asked them to write a small note anonymously about what their parents said and did that made them most sad.
When I looked at the answers, I found that the contents of their notes were surprisingly consistent:
Just like you, what can you do when you grow up!
Sooner or later you will have to be arrested by the police!
How to raise you this crap!
Where do you say you can compare yourself to others?
This problem can not be done, pig brain?
Crying and crying, what else would you do besides crying?
……
In many cases, verbal violence stems from unequal interrelationships. Children are in a vulnerable position when confronted with adults, often lack the strength to defend themselves and are more vulnerable to verbal violence.
Psychological research has shown that saying some angry words often makes children form a negative personality, produce inferiority, introversion, depression, and fear of getting along with people.
You know, all verbal violence, there is no educational component. Because we are in essence, bullying, venting our anger and resentment.
Long-term unequal treatment will make children feel abandoned by their parents, think that they are really useless, and even give up on themselves.
Cold violence
Cold violence is another common form of mental abuse, which is mainly manifested in coldness, contempt, laissez-faire, alienation and indifference, which can easily lead to mental and psychological violations and harm to others.
I had previously come into contact with a child named Yang Yang, who was originally an obedient and sensible boy, who had good grades in school, was willing to help his classmates, and was an excellent class leader in the class.
But once, Yang Yang went home later than usual because he was reviewing his homework with his classmates after school. After arriving home, her mother thought that Yang Yang was playing outside and delaying the time to go home, so she criticized him fiercely and did not give him a chance to explain, and ignored him in the following days.
And Yangyang's father is very busy at work, there is very little time at home, not even time for communication, and there is no opportunity to detect Yangyang's psychological gap.
In this way, YangYang became depressed, never participated in school activities again, and his relationship with his classmates was much estranged. At the same time, this also made Yang Yang feel that his mother had always been dissatisfied with himself, and his father did not pay attention to him.
Under heavy psychological pressure, Yangyang's performance began to decline. Because of the decline in grades, parents began to blame him again, usually lukewarm to him, such a vicious circle, parent-child relationship also fell into a trough.
I understand that everyone is a first-time parent, and when dealing with parent-child relationships, there will inevitably be various problems, but this is not an excuse for us to "hurt" our children.
The following 3 situations have appeared in many families, I list it out, and give the corresponding treatment methods, you can check yourself, I hope to have a little inspiration for everyone in dealing with parent-child relationship:
1, you are always very busy, too busy to hear the call of the child
As social and economic pressures mount, many people take their jobs home, and some parents tend to get caught up in their own affairs. At this time, if the child asks you to put down the work at hand and play with him, your subconscious will regard this request as a burden, so you may consciously or unconsciously choose to ignore it, or directly impatient.
If the child often gets this kind of feedback, he is either very clingy, or uses naughtiness and sabotage to attract attention, or even simply gives up dependence on you, making the parent-child relationship more and more distant.
At this time, it is recommended that parents respond to the child's call in time, even if it is to look at him, or seriously tell him that the father/mother is a little busy, and will play with you later, in short, do not not respond.
2, childish to you, he wants to apologize, but you also want to give him some color to see
Think back, when a child makes a mistake, or makes you angry, and he wants to coax you to be happy and ask for your forgiveness, will you put on an attitude of deliberately rejecting or not forgiving the child to let him know that you are not so good at coaxing?
You know, if you are angry for too long, the child may not realize that the reason for your indifference is related to his wrong behavior, and he will not be able to effectively reflect on his mistakes.
The right thing to do is to look into the child's eyes and calmly tell him, "Because of the mistake you just made, I am very angry and need to calm myself down for a while, I hope you also think about what you have done wrong." Or "Even though you apologize, I want you to do something to tell me that you really recognize that this is not right, and that I need to stay on my own for a while before you think about it." ”
This way the child will know that Mom and Dad are angry because they have done something wrong, and then he will reflect on himself.
3, your mood changes are a child's barometer, but you are always cloudy and uncertain
Parents are the closest people to the child, and their own emotions and emotional regulation ability play a vital role in the child's emotions.
If the parents' emotions are always cloudy, children who live and grow up in this family environment are usually insecure, always in a state of uneasiness, and suppress and control their behavior for a long time.
This will make the child timid, inferior and introverted, and even "inherit" the emotions of the parents, becoming equally moody and unapproachable.
Many bad emotions usually do not suddenly erupt, but some small unpleasantness gradually accumulates, and once people can't hold back, it is easy to lose their temper.
To avoid the harm caused to your child by tantrums, do not suppress your emotions. The easiest way to deal with it is to say it when you feel like you're angry. For example, "You promised me to do my homework after watching a 10-minute cartoon, but 10 minutes later you're still watching, and I'm a little angry, and I don't think you're taking me seriously." ”
If you are done, the problem has not been solved, and at the same time feel that you are about to explode, you can count from 1 to 100, give yourself a buffer to calm yourself down, and avoid losing your temper with your child.
Having said all this, in fact, the main thing is to ask parents to change their daily bad behavior, sunny, positive, positive, and focused to accompany and guide children, and create a positive and healthy family environment for children.
If you want to know something about emotional management, please leave a message to tell me oh ~
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