Author: Creative Group Mu Yu
Have there ever been such moments?
One day, reason with your child and hope to correct his behavior. But he was like eating dynamite, not only did he not obey the control, but he also spoke out and confronted the adults. I believe that at that moment, the parents must feel incredible, how the child became "rebellious" overnight, is there something wrong with him? This scene was also staged in the TV series "Opponent", and countless parents directly called "real". The mother Duan Yingjiu suspected that her son Chen Xing had cheated money, and the two did not speculate, and a fierce conflict broke out in an instant. Son's angry mother would only preach all day and didn't understand what he was thinking.
Hearing her son's accusatory counterattack, the mother was not willing to show weakness, constantly shelling, and every word was saying that her son was not.
The son was even more speechless, a sentence of "I didn't want to recognize you as a mother for a long time", so angry that his mother was excited, he picked up the water cup and poured it on it.
The whole noisy process is the fulfillment of that saying: every adolescent child and parent is destined to have a war. Whether you admit it or not, once a child reaches puberty, many unexpected things do happen. Even if the reason is correct and the amount of thought is more, the child does not listen or listen, and there is no room for communication. Can the relationship only be seen deteriorating? Perhaps after reading the following stories, everyone will have a new understanding of rebellious adolescent children.
Rebellion, is a sign of children entering puberty in Nanyang, Henan, a 13-year-old boy, addicted to games and does not seriously take online lessons. Worried that his grades would be affected, his parents tried to persuade him well, but the communication was fruitless, and his parents broke their mobile phones in a fit of anger. This fall directly "forced" the boy away. For three days, the boy was nowhere to be seen. Parents rushed to the police, who knew that as soon as the police entered the house, they heard a strange noise in the abandoned storage room on the first floor. Looking around, he found the boy wrapped in a quilt and hiding under the bed.
When he was discovered, the boy was still very stubborn and refused to come out, even if he was hungry for three days, he was still motionless.
It wasn't until the police continued to persuade him that he was willing to show up and express his inner dissatisfaction: in fact, he just wanted to be recognized.
Some people say that the rebellious child stems from the fact that he feels understood by the family.
He did not mean to contradict his parents, nor did he want his parents to be embarrassed, many times, but he began to care whether he could decide for himself, and others could understand and recognize him. It is a kind of self-awakening unique to adolescence, and children who go through this stage are eager to attract the attention and attention of others in some special way. Even if what he does is not the same as what he really needs. Guo Qilin once exposed himself to a rebellious experience in the show. At that time, he was in school, and his father Guo Degang would always intentionally or unintentionally guide him to enter the cross-talk industry in the future. Although he has had the atmosphere of learning crosstalk since he was a child, there is a rebellious spirit in his heart, and the more his father wants him to learn crosstalk, the more he says that he wants to be a network manager and a cook.
Successfully passed through adolescence, he gradually found a love for cross-talk, and now he has become an indispensable new force in the field.
German child psychologist Charlotte Büller said: Adolescence is a process of children's transformation from children to adults, when children's psychology is not very mature, psychological atresia and rebellion are common phenomena, also known as "negative resistance period". Children are rebellious, and parents should not make a fuss. Because most children have to go through it once, in order to truly know themselves, form an independent personality, and complete the life lessons of growth. At this point, all parents can do is respect, wait, and believe in them.
The greatest cruelty of education is to persuade him to obey and obey
"I know that adolescent children will rebel, but I just hope that my daughter will listen to me and come according to my ideas!" 」
This is the complaint of a mother next to me. Since her daughter went to the second year of junior high school, she found that her originally well-behaved daughter had changed, did not tell her anything about her, and often closed the door. If you nag a few more words, it will definitely cause your daughter to be more dissatisfied and rebellious. To this end, she asked countless people who came over, wondering what could be done to pull her daughter back to her original obedient and sensible state. But is it really a good thing to blindly ask children to obey? Actor Ma Sichun once exposed the causes and consequences of his depression on the Internet. All along, the elders in the family always instilled in her the idea that "you must be obedient and sensible" and "cannot be self-sufficient". As her parents wished, she became a "well-behaved girl" in the eyes of many people, who would not easily make others sad and would not trouble others casually. No matter what happened, she wouldn't get angry, let alone rebel.
Will not disobey the requirements of their parents, think too much about others, and be bullied by others, but also swallow their anger and dare not resist.
She always left her best side to others, but unexpectedly, she ended up suffering from depression and a serious reaction in her body. After receiving therapy, she learned to "love yourself more and have a temper to send out."
Being able to get out of the cage of a "well-behaved woman" is undoubtedly a blessing in misfortune.
But in reality, how many children are slightly rebellious and are criticized and suppressed by their parents, mocking and denying? Everyone's standard for good, only "good" this one? It is not to say that he wants to indulge the child's willfulness and self, but when he has his own ideas and wishes, blindly telling him "you have to obey" is the greatest destruction of his personality. As education expert Montessori said: "It is the biggest and most shameful mistake that adults make when they submit to the will of adults." "Too many children, because they live in the unified standards of their parents, lose a lot of the possibility of self-realization." They obviously want to express themselves and live out themselves, but they are limited everywhere, and eventually they will only become obedient and become "good old men" wearing false masks.
Be kind to your child's rebelliousness
It's about being kind to his whole life
I know that the last netizen shared his adolescence and frankly thanked his father.
Because he was struggling to learn, he showed serious aversion to learning. Every time the teacher talked to him, he would only feel very annoyed, especially wanted to confront the teacher; as soon as he came home, his mother complained that he did not understand things and that his study was poor, and he was prone to anger, and several times he pretended to be sick and did not go out at home. Later, dad knew that it was useless to say anything to him, so he took a month's leave to accompany him at home. He was unreasonable, did not persuade him to go to school, played chess with him every day, went out for a walk and went shopping, and did not mention his questions. Miraculously, after more than a month, he suddenly opened his mind, realized that he could not study without studying, and offered to go back to school. It was during this experience that his parents became very gentle with him, asking for his opinion on things first, and finally he chose his favorite profession and is now a good pet doctor. Psychologist Jane Nelson emphasizes in Positive Discipline: "The best way to win teenage children is to stand by them first with kindness, firmness, and respect." Let the child get a sense of self-esteem and belonging in the support of being understood. "To be kind to a child's rebellion is to be kind to his whole life." In the face of children's disobedience and recklessness, perhaps we should do this: 1. Zhang Zhao in the action documentary "Mirror" with less nagging and more love, every time he complains to his parents about the pressure of learning, his parents do not care for him, but constantly question: Thousands of people can stand it, why can't you stand it.
And then there's a whole bunch of truth and nagging.
Unable to stand this, Zhang Zhao simply kicked his parents out of the house, locked himself in the house and did not go out, skipping school. Later, after the parents clearly realized their problems, they changed their strategy, no longer nagging and reasoning him, but satisfying him as much as possible and expressing their concern for him with practical behavior. As a result, he took the initiative to continue to study and change the behavior that many parents were not accustomed to. Educator Rousseau has a saying that hits the nail on the head: "The most useless way of education in the world is temper tantrums, reasoning and self-motivation." "Adolescent children, it is difficult to listen to the truth. It is better to pull the chain of the mouth, to cook, to accompany him, to tell him with the act of love that "Mom and Dad are there", which can impress him more. 2. Respect the child's rebellious will Documentary "Mirror" in which another child, Jiaming, is born. Initially, the relationship with his parents was tense and quarrelsome. He wanted to be a backpacker and experience life. Dad insisted that now is to study hard, don't have some of them.
He did not listen, and lived a particularly humiliating and painful life.
Under the guidance of the psychology teacher, Dad finally let go of the obsession in his heart and let him be a backpacker in the local area. The relationship between father and son magically returned to normal, and there was talk and laughter between each other. Psychological expert Wu Zhihong said: "Let the adolescent children develop on their own, give them sufficient space for independent growth, and their rebellious behavior will naturally disappear for the most part." "Children have their own unique ideas, just to explore their own way of getting along with the world. All parents have to do is respect him, accept him, and in a safe situation, let go of his hand and allow him to try it. When the emotional needs in his heart are satisfied, he will naturally slowly return to the right track and continue to walk his own path steadily. 3, be friends with children, get along with each other on an equal footing in "Little Joy", there is a scene in Which Tong Wenjie and Song Qian, two tiger mothers, self-examine while eating. A large part of the reason for finding that children are close to their fathers is that their fathers can become friends with them, and they are not always demanding, controlling, and denying their ideas like their mothers.
They have established friendships with their children, they are willing to say anything to their fathers, and their relationship is harmonious and close.
Indeed, when a child grows up, he hopes that his parents can treat him as a "little adult", not a three- or four-year-old child. When they are eager to encounter things, their parents are standing by their side, discussing what to do together, rather than being blamed and criticized. Lower your posture, be calm, when the child is a friend, it is possible to talk about a piece, and the heart can come together.
Think about it, the child "rebels" a little, no big deal. Parents, although they hope that their children can go all the way smoothly, without disasters and difficulties, grow up happily according to their own expectations. But after all, children have their own way to go, and they have their own obstacles to cross. Look at everything that happens to him gently and kindly, put aside all bad thoughts, and replace control with respect and nagging with care. Accompany your child through the "rebellion" period with your heart, and his future life will definitely shine. Author: Mu Yu. Bao Ma Yi, a deep lover of pedagogy, looks forward to using her own words to heal herself and everyone's heart. New Oriental Family Education (ID: xdfjtjy) transmits the concept of professional family education, provides family education information at home and abroad, and shares absorbable and operable methods and suggestions. Make continuous learning a habit for families.