1. Soon after the new marriage, I found that my wife's stomach was bulging! I thought it was a joy and immediately took it to the doctor. After the doctor's examination, he said: Your stomach should live with two little people! I was excited

1. Soon after the new marriage, I found that my wife's stomach was bulging! I thought it was a joy and immediately took it to the doctor. After the doctor's examination, he said: Your stomach should live with two little people! I'm excited: Wow, twins? Doctor: No, it doesn't matter if one of them is called Tianna and can't eat any more!

2. On the bus, I saw a 16- or 7-year-old girl being held by an uncle, and the girl said: Is it really good that you are a married man holding me, an unmarried woman, have you ever thought about your wife's feelings? The man said: Girl, is it good to save some face for your father! If you hadn't been motion sickness, I wouldn't have put my arms around you!"

3. I told the nurse: pretending to be my girlfriend for 30,000 at a time, she agreed, and less than three months later she ran up to me angrily and asked me, how long is your 30,000 times, it will not be a lifetime. I asked her how long you thought it would be appropriate, and she smiled and said, "As long as you don't want the jewelry your parents gave me back, it will take as long as possible." It feels like it's going to be a long-term plan!

4. Today it was really the sun hitting the west side out, and the ex-girlfriend who had been separated for three years suddenly called me. Excitedly, I picked up my phone and asked, trembling, "What's wrong?" She said somewhat weakly, "I have a fever." I asked eagerly, "How many degrees?" She said, "40 degrees!" "I thought about it, 40 degrees is very serious, I want to praise her, or say a blessing, although separated but there are feelings." And I said, "You're a cow!" "Beep beep....

5. Fu Er Dai accompanied his girlfriend who had just met to buy a car, and saw that the Maserati 911 car was so cheap. Decisively and generously took out 1,000 yuan and patted the table: "I bought a Maserati." The sales manager exclaimed, "Sir, you're kidding, this little down payment isn't enough." Fu Er Dai said, "Isn't it written maserati outside?" The sales manager said: "Well, if you go out and go forward, the company's BMW is only 520 yuan!" ”

6. The first love that we talked about for five years broke up with me, but my relationship with my mother-in-law was still very good. Not long after, she introduced me to a younger sister, the daughter of her relatives. We had been dating for half a year, and today she took me home to meet my parents. She had a seven-year-old nephew in her family, and after we met, I gave a big red envelope. His mother said: Son, hurry up and thank your uncle. The boy said sensibly: Thank you uncle! His mother dragged him aside and whispered, "Why are you called uncle?" The boy muttered in disbelief: "Because people have given me money."

7. When I was a child, I went to my uncle's house and slept with my uncle at night. My aunt was afraid that I was freezing, and as soon as I showed my head, my aunt would stuff me into the quilt. Finally, the aunt was furious: "Little bunny cub! Why are you constantly drilling out? Why did you get a cold? I cried and said, "The sweet potatoes I ate in the afternoon stinked to death in the nest!" "My aunt also put her head in the quilt to try it, and when she came out, she vomited...

8. A female supervisor at Foxconn gave me twenty thousand yuan and asked me to pretend to be her boyfriend. After arriving at the housekeeper, her parents were very satisfied with me, and the father of the female supervisor said to me: Boy! I'll give you the rest of my daughter's life!" I stood up and drank the liquor in front of me. After a moment of silence, he said slowly: Uncle, do you want to blackmail people?

9. My brother was a little insensitive to arithmetic when he was a child, no matter how his grandfather taught it, he just couldn't remember it. Grandpa patted the little grandson and sighed and said, "I don't know how to teach, I don't understand such a simple arithmetic, and when I grow up, I am not blamed by my daughter-in-law' pit?" The brother replied with tears in his eyes: "I can herd sheep," Grandpa said, "shepherding sheep?" You know if the sheep are lost, it's also a matter of arithmetic. The brother looked at his grandfather with a dissatisfied face: "Can't I keep one?" ”

10. The mobile phone has been down for several days, and the result is that today it was charged 100,000 yuan by someone else. I was suddenly confused, and then a girl called me: Hello sir, congratulations on winning the grand prize. I said: It won't be 100,000 yuan. The girl said: Yes, you can not worry about phone bills for a long time. I said: Big sister, I don't have to worry about phone bills, but I still owe 5 million yuan to others, and I am worried about my own life.

11. The sister-in-law's son had a birthday, and the mother-in-law gave 6,000 yuan. At the birthday party, the sister-in-law only made a three fresh, commonly known as a large pot of rice! The mother-in-law got up angrily to leave, and the sister-in-law called out to her at the door: "Mom, go out to eat at night, right?" I apologize when I you off! The mother-in-law readily agreed, and as she walked to the door, she asked her sister-in-law, "What will I eat?" At this time, the sister-in-law suddenly roared angrily: "Closed door soup! "Snap, the door is closed!"

12. Take the elevator to work, the favorite office girl is also there, suddenly the stomach is turning, I know I am going to fart! I hoped that the fart must be silent, and finally finished the sound and looked back. Oops I went **** stink, hurriedly turned back three consecutive super deep breaths, sucked the fart in. At this time, my sister and I had a conversation. When I spoke back, she said, Did you eat, it stinks so much in your mouth! ”

13. Today I walked into a barbershop with a big wave. The barber immediately greeted me warmly: "Handsome man, haircut?" Me: "Ordinary wash and cut blow, do not dry cleaning, do not chief do not designer, do not perm hair dye hair for positioning, do not charge 200 ten percent off 500 three discount membership card, just ordinary cut short can be, from now on who talks first who is the king of the eight eggs good? "I never expected the barber to shave a pit on my head!"

14. This year is 28 years old, the family is in a hurry, and then the seven aunts and eight aunts began to arrange. As a result, no one was successful, and in the afternoon, my mother said: I will bring my documents to accompany me on a trip!! I was tired of blind dates, I said not to go, my mother said: not blind date, I know, blind date can not save you, but you are born in the end, I can not ignore you! In the afternoon, go with me to meet your aunt Chen, sell insurance that, I will pay you to buy a pension insurance, so that the old also has a guarantee!!