Girls must have their own independent career and personality, in order to have sweet love, happy marriage and happy life.
Author | Maple
Dear Daughter,
For a week, my mother has been tossing and turning and sleeping badly, and after thinking about it for a long time, my mother still decided to write you this letter.
On your birthday, you happily made a wish to the candle.
Mom was curious about your plans for your future and couldn't wait to ask you what you had made, and you answered with a smirk with your hands on your cheeks:
"Be a good wife and mother, and have a happy life destination in the future."
After listening to your words, my mother was very upset.
I remembered that in the recent hit drama "Perfect Partner", there was a girl named Wu Min.
After graduating from college, in order to protect her love, she gave up the opportunity to study abroad and chose to marry her boyfriend and become a full-time wife, which was a full 20 years.
In the past 20 years, she has carefully managed the housework, taken care of her son's diet and living, and taken care of her husband.
However, her competence, virtuousness, and silent dedication behind her back not only did not exchange for her husband's understanding and respect, but was picked and chosen, treated coldly, and ignored for a long time.
In fact, my mother has fantasized countless times that when you grow up, you can have a happy home, a husband who loves you, and a pair of cute children.
However, whenever she saw girls who were "imprisoned" by the family like Wu Min, her mother was vaguely worried.
Therefore, mom wants to give you three pieces of advice as a wife, a mother, and a person who has come over:
Don't be a wife who is too sensible
In the TV series, Wu Min has always been a "sensible" wife, who works hard and complains, and silently does a good job of helping Xiannei.
If it weren't for being heartbroken, she would never understand: "What Mom can do, Daddy can do too." ”
Oh, yes! You see how dashing Wu Min lives when she no longer forces herself to understand things.
And without Wu Min's help, but in one night, he made the family jump. He never thought that the reason why he could have a good life and a successful career was that his wife silently arranged everything behind his back.
Daughters, sensible in marriage, often mean grievances and burdens. Behind the "good wife and good mother", there is often endless pain and tears.
My mother had seen a netizen complain in the Bao Ma group, and she had worked hard to be a good wife and mother in the eyes of her family.
She is meticulous in every expense of the family, using the best for her family, but she is often reluctant to add a new dress to herself.
She longs to have three heads and six arms, do complementary food, feed, coax, accompany the play, but also buy vegetables to cook, wash the dishes, and engage in hygiene...
But when her husband returned home, she still hated the mess at home as soon as she opened her mouth, and she was aggrieved, but she only turned around and wiped her tears and continued to be busy.
Once upon a time, she had a job, a hobby, an expectation, and a personal value.
Today, her life is only left with her husband and children, endless housework, and repeated chores, but she is considerate of her husband's hard work and never shouts tiredness.
But on her birthday, she bought a set of skin care products that she had not been reluctant to buy for many years, and her husband angrily scolded her for being a loser. That look, that tone, as if she were a moth sucking her husband's blood, made her cold from head to toe.
Daughter, the most feared thing in marriage is that you give everything, but you are taken for granted.
You must know that marriage is a matter of two people, children and housework are also two people, and it is never the responsibility of a woman alone.
Otherwise, your understanding, your forbearance, and your big package will only be exchanged for the irresponsibility of the other party.
Daughter, from an early age, your mother taught you that you don't need to be too sensible.
You must have your own little willfulness, a little advocacy, a little bottom line, you can have your own wanton life, especially in marriage.
When you grow up, you can try to balance work and family, and you can also return to the family to teach your children, but there is one thing to remember: you don't have to live to please others, and you don't have to wronged yourself in order to take care of others.
At any time, Mom and Dad are your strong backing, watching over you where you can see as soon as you turn around.
Don't take yourself too lightly
Take your child too seriously
Daughter, do you remember that in the "Teenager Says" we watched together, there was a girl named Kang Yunyi?
Her mom wakes her up at 5:30 a.m. every morning, takes her down the elevator at 6:30 a.m., and then takes her to school.
In the past, the family was far away, and my mother said that taxis and buses were not safe, and she had to drive her by herself. Later, the family moved to a place less than 500 meters away from the school, and my mother still felt unsafe and still picked up and dropped off on time at the school gate every day.
Over the years, everything in my mother's life, everything she thought, every word and deed, was centered on Yunyi, so that her friends became fewer, her interest activities were gone, her life became empty and boring, and people became fragile and sensitive.
In the face of this meticulous care, Kang Yunyi "does not appreciate it" and often feels particularly depressed.
Her only hope is that her mother will no longer revolve around her life, and will be able to be a little more relaxed and think more about herself.
In fact, as a mother, the mother can fully appreciate the love that Yunyi's mother has for her daughter.
But a daughter, becoming a mother, does not mean that she has to look down on herself and sacrifice her entirety.
When you treat yourself harshly, you also lose the joy of having yourself, the confidence and smile from the bottom of your heart.
I remember when I was a child, my mother was always worried that you were hungry and sleepy, and often preferred to have an empty stomach, but also to feed you first, coax you to sleep first, and every time it was my turn to eat by myself, it was already more than two o'clock in the afternoon.
Since having you, your mother rarely adds new clothes or cosmetics to herself, but mostly buys clothes, your toys and school supplies for you and your father.
Even the yoga she wanted to learn, my mother struggled for a long time, and finally felt that it was more useful for you to learn English, and gave up.
Mom also thought that this kind of self-abandonment of love can make you happier and happier.
But Mom was wrong!
I surrounded you and the housework all day long, ignored my feelings and needs for a long time, and slowly became full of resentment, and I threw a tantrum at you at every turn, venting my grievances and dissatisfaction on you.
It wasn't until later that my mother read the words of the psychology master Jung:
"The worst influence a parent has on a child is to make the child feel that their parents are not living a good life."
Mom understood a truth:
The mother is the light that illuminates the child's life, if the mother is dim, how can the child shine.
So daughter, don't learn from your past "silly mother" and become a "child slave" who despises herself.
Buy what you want, and try to go wherever you want.
Only if you are sparkling, confident and happy, in the future your children can have the ability to create happiness and achieve a better self.
Never give up on self-growth
Seeing the experience of a mother two days ago was really heart-wrenching and heart-wrenching.
After 10 years of marriage and divorce, she found that she had nothing, not only did she have no skills, no financial resources, and she could not even get the custody of her children.
10 years ago, she graduated from a prestigious university, with excellent professional skills and many offers, but she worked for less than a year and became a full-time wife at home.
Over the years, she has lived herself as a nanny, a driver, a cook for the whole family, and has lost herself.
Nowadays, when I go to find a job, I know that I am older, have little work experience, lack of vocational skills, and are seriously detached from society, and it is simply difficult to re-employ.
Daughter, this is the reality, the mountain will fall, and everyone will run.
If you don't progress, no one will stay where you are.
As girls, we often have too many voices like this around us:
"Why should the girl's family work so hard, and marry a good husband in the future."
"Women are responsible for being beautiful as flowers, and men are responsible for earning money to support their families."
They are all, what are you tossing and turning? Isn't it okay to have a good husband and godson? ”
These are all poisonous chicken soups that kidnap women, don't believe it.
Mom wants to tell you that no one will be your safe haven in this life and this life, only you are the best shelter.
Especially in marriage, more important than love is growth.
In Xiangyang, Hubei Province, 32-year-old working mother Mo Mo mo mo is very inspirational and worth learning.
Although she is married and has a baby, she does not want to be satisfied with the status quo, and decides to go to graduate school and jump out of her comfort zone to improve herself.
As a working mother, she not only has to work, but also to accompany her children, so she can only take time to study at night after her children fall asleep, often until the early hours of the morning.
After a year of hard work, she was admitted to Wuhan University as she wished.
Among them, the struggle and sweat, hardship and hardship, in exchange for the achievement is not only a resume that others can't take away, an honor of their own, but also economic freedom, freedom of choice, but also a life confidence.
Daughter, you will play many roles in your life, and you will also encounter many shackles in the traditional sense.
At any time, the footsteps do not stop, the footsteps do not stop, this is the right way for women to open.
Mom hopes that you can be like Mo Motai, no matter at what stage of life, you can bravely break stereotypes, pursue self-worth, achieve self-growth, and live a real and comfortable life.
Dear daughter, my mother would like to send you a sentence of CCTV exhortation to female compatriots:
"Let go of your feet and let go of the obsession of being a 'good wife and mother.'" Don't walk around the kitchen every day. The outside world is big and the sky is brilliant.
Remember, before you become a daughter, a wife, a mother, you are first and foremost yourself. ”
Daughter, life is still a long way, no matter what identity and role you become, your mother hopes that you must first pay attention to yourself and live yourself.
No matter what responsibilities and obligations you have, your mother hopes that you will not forget to love yourself, improve yourself, and take the road of life step by step.
The unknown future is never terrible, the terrible thing is that you can see through the rest of your life at a glance.
Life is really short, may you cherish the present, be an independent kapok tree, rather than climbing the oak tree.
Go live your life! This is the most advanced way for contemporary girls to live.