01
I saw someone asking a question on the Internet:
If having children makes your life harder, will you still have children?
Someone replied, "Will be born because the child is cute and I like the child." ”
Some people also replied: "When I was not born, I wanted to have a child quickly, and after I gave birth, I found out how hard it was to raise a child, and sometimes when I was tired and collapsed, I really wanted to stuff him back into my stomach." ”
Indeed, raising a child is not hard in the end, only if you have had a child and raised it will have a personal experience. Why is it that after the release of the second child and the third child, there are still so many people who are unwilling to have children, and even now more and more young people choose not to have children?
In fact, more people are not unwilling to give birth, but dare not give birth.
Because raising a child, the average cost from the time he lands to college is at least 600,000 to 1 million, and the children who spend more even reach about 2.8 million.
Therefore, the reason that affects most people dare not have children lies in the fertility environment and cost.
I have a colleague who has always wanted a second child, and after the state released the two-child policy in 2016, he and his wife decided to have another child, but suddenly found that no one could help them with the child, the parents had not retired, and the retirement age had been extended.
In the end, they thought about it again and again and dismissed the idea of having a second child, he said that there was no way, he could not let his wife quit his job in order to have children.
I think this is one of the reasons why most people are afraid to have two or three children, imagine, if a woman has three children, how can she have the opportunity and energy to realize her own value?
02
A netizen once talked to me about her idea of having children after marriage, she said that she and her boyfriend have been together for many years, and the run-in between the two is also very good, if they can get married smoothly, the two will definitely live a very good life in the future.
But the question of having children became a chasm between them, because she didn't plan to have children after marriage, and raising children was too tiring.
When she told her boyfriend about her thoughts, the boyfriend suddenly frowned and said to her, even if he agreed, the old people on both sides would not agree.
They have never reached a consensus on the issue of having children, so the wedding date of the two does not know when it will be on the agenda.
Later, her parents bitterly advised her that no matter what, she must have her own children, and when she is old in the future, there will be at least one person who knows cold and heat, and carries medicine and water.
What her parents said also had a certain truth, but she felt that when she was old, she would definitely save enough money for the elderly, and without children, wouldn't she also be able to raise a child?
Although she is very stubborn, she loves her boyfriend very much, and the boyfriend loves her very much, and even if she put forward the idea of not having children, the boyfriend still did not give up the relationship.
Therefore, she is also a little hesitant now, should she compromise for love?
03
Many women in life who are reluctant to have children probably have the same concerns as this netizen, because raising children is too hard, and the reasons for the hardships we all know that if the three mountains of housing, education, and medical care on us cannot be solved, they will continue to affect future fertility.
Is it that after solving these three mountains, women are willing to have children?
A reporter has done an interview: If you give birth to two children and three children, the state has introduced corresponding incentive policies, are you willing to give birth? The results of the interview were somewhat unexpected, as most women's choices were still reluctant.
One of the female friends said: "I have lost half a life for one child, let alone two children and three children." ”
Another female friend said: "I know that pregnancy is a very hard thing, but after pregnancy, I know that it is more difficult than imagined, all kinds of torture, and only when I have personally experienced it, I can understand the taste."
Yes, how hard it is to get pregnant, only women have a deep understanding, and there is a possibility of facing greater dangers during childbirth without knowing it.
Friend Xiao Xu was pregnant with her second child last year, originally thought that when she gave birth to a child, the second child would be very smooth, and as a result, on the 3rd day after childbirth, she suddenly had heavy bleeding, and once had a coma and heart failure.
At that time, she was sent to the ICU for rescue, and at 12:00 a.m., her family received a critical illness notice from the hospital, and the whole family was paralyzed.
But fortunately, after a night of rescue, she finally got out of danger and broke through the ghost gate.
Did you endure the October pregnancy, break through the ghost gate of the baby, and all the pain is over? For women, the pain is far from over.
Postpartum urinary leakage, constipation, prolapse, weaning and a series of other tortures are all problems that women have to face one by one, so it is really not easy to be a mother.
04
Some people say that on the way to raising a baby, the mother can never avoid it.
Indeed, a young mother in Shanghai gave birth to twins, there is no elderly person in the family to help, she has to feed the child more than 10 times a day, dozens of times a day to change the diaper.
She said that her daily scene is either feeding or burping the child to sleep, and when the two children are asleep, she quickly washes the bottle, washes the clothes, cooks, often halfway through the work, and the baby wakes up.
So she started a new round of feeding, burping and sleeping, spinning 24 hours a day, feeling like an emotionless baby machine.
Fortunately, her husband is very distressed about her, every day as long as he gets off work, he begins to work around the child, and at night, his husband also gets up at night to feed the child milk powder and change the child's diaper.
If it weren't for her husband's strength, she said she might have been depressed a long time ago.
Yes, no woman is born a mother, once a woman gives birth to a child, she will be trapped in the role of mother, the pain of pregnancy and childbirth, the hardships and challenges on the road to raising a baby, for women, are unknown.
That's why there are a lot of women who have so much fear of having children.
On the question of whether to have children, I am reminded of a hot post I saw online: Why should we have children?
Maybe there's an answer that will get you there:
Parents raise children, children accompany parents, parents and children nourish each other, but also achieve each other, and children will wash away the repetition, so that life becomes unknown again.
Having children is hard, not having children is dashing? If you had to choose again, how would you choose?