"If you don't buy toys for your child, your child will throw around and cry and make a lot of noise, and if you don't reach your goal, you won't stop."
"Playing games can only be won by the child himself, and when others win, he will cry, and it is not okay not to play."
"The child's temper is particularly big, saying that he can't say a word or two, and when he is in a hurry, he even starts to beat people."
……
Do parents find these scenes familiar to them?
It can be said that children often pinch their parents to death, because they know that as long as they persist in making trouble, their parents will compromise and they can achieve their goals.
In the face of children's emotions, different parents do not have to deal with it. It can be roughly divided into the following categories:
Be a slave to the child's emotions
Children are throwing around in the mall asking for toys, and parents can't stand the eyes of the people around them and want to calm things down as soon as possible.
"Well, don't make a fuss, Mom bought it for you."
"As long as you don't cry, your mother will take you to eat delicious food."
In the form of bribery and persuasion, on the surface the child does not make trouble, but it also teaches the child to learn "emotional blackmail", and the child knows that when he wants something, this method is useful.
Counter violence with violence
"If you cry and make trouble, your parents won't want you."
"If you don't obey, your mother will let the bad guys take you away."
"Don't say a word, beat up, and see if you still make trouble."
This simple and rough way will make the child submit to the authority and intimidation of the parents in a short period of time, but it will also stifle the child's self-esteem and sense of security.
Label your child's emotions
"Why hit people? You're not a good kid. ”
"You're so cowardly, you cry at every turn, you don't look like a man."
"Just know to cry, and no one will like you in the future."
"Only bad boys lie on the ground and roll around."
Parents put some negative labels on their children because of their children's emotional problems, which will easily distort their children's self-concept.
None of the above three treatments are ideal. In order to deal with the child's emotional problems, we must first understand where the child's emotions come from and how they develop. In order to solve the child's emotional problems in a targeted manner.
The trajectory of a child's emotional development
The reason why children are very emotional, all the joys and sorrows are expressed on the face, is because their emotions have not yet developed and matured.
Emotions are people's experience of attitudes towards objective things and corresponding behavioral reactions.
Emotions are divided into simple emotions and complex emotions, which gradually develop and mature with the age of children.
As soon as a child is born, there are several emotions of curiosity, pain, disgust, and satisfaction, because human instinct has a need for food.
In about 2-7 months, children will develop emotions such as anger, sadness, happiness, surprise, and fear.
These are simple emotions. Complex emotions only begin to develop after the child is 2 years old.
Between the ages of 2 and 5, children develop more complex emotions such as embarrassment, shyness, guilt, jealousy, and pride.
At the age of 5-9, children will gradually understand some social rules, which is commonly referred to as socialization.
Between the ages of 9 and 12, children are aware of the emotional responses of others.
At the age of 12-18, the child's emotional regulation ability will rise, and the emotional experience will be more sensitive.
We can see that the emotional development of children is a fairly long process.
Understanding the process of children's emotional development, we will understand that children's emotional problems cannot be completely blamed on children, which has a certain relationship with physical and mental development. We can also understand children.
Although, emotions such as happiness, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, and surprise are all part of the emotion, and there is no good or bad.
However, we parents are worried that our children will become more and more unscrupulous, not able to control their emotions, and become annoying "bear children".
What to do? Tell everyone that the ability to regulate emotions is one of the important qualities of emotional intelligence, which can enable children to get rid of bad emotions in time and maintain a positive and healthy state of mind.
How to guide children to deal with emotional control problems such as anger, anger, fear, inferiority, and frustration has become a special lesson that parents need to learn.
There are several ways parents can try it:
Understand and accept your child's emotions
Everyone has emotions, and so do children, and we parents should allow our children to express emotions.
When a child has emotions, parents must first tell their children that you understand him very well. For example, you could say something like, "You're angry right now, aren't you?" Mom knows you're angry because you didn't buy you a toy, but even if you didn't, Mom still loves you. ”
Parents should use empathy and listening to accept the child's emotions, let the child know that you understand his feelings, and the child will gradually calm down.
However, parents should pay attention to the fact that understanding the child's emotions does not mean agreeing with the child's behavior, and the child should understand that all emotions can be accepted, but unreasonable behavior should be resolutely stopped.
Guide your child to adjust their cognition and think about how to solve problems
For example, if a child's beloved toy is accidentally broken by a child, the child is very angry, and the two children have started to do it.
How do parents deal with this time?
We can wait for the child's emotions to ease down, guide the child to adjust his cognition, and let the child see the things that make him angry from another perspective.
We can say something like this to the child: "The toy was accidentally broken by the child, you are very angry that the mother knows, but you hit people with your hands and there is no way to get the toy back to its original state, right?" Let's think together if there is a better way, okay? ”
Wise parents know how to use picture books to mediate their children's emotions
In the process of children's growth, if parents find that their children's behavior has deviated, they must hope to correct them immediately. A good way to recommend to parents is to take their children to read picture books, which is really useful.
Picture books are the form of pictures and stories, which can create a situation that allows children to complete the experience in the stories they read, helps children to understand a thing from an objective point of view, and assists parents to correct their children's deviations and establish correct understanding.
All the behavioral problems of my children, I can help my children correct them by reading with their children's picture books.
Regarding the problem of children's emotions, I recommend that parents have a set of "Children's Emotional Management and Character Development Picture Books". I hope to help the "bear children" who have emotional breakdowns at every turn, and also rescue the tortured parents.
This set of 10 picture books is very suitable for children aged 2-8.
And it is bilingual in Chinese and English.
Each book has a theme, around the theme will take the child into a situation, let the child feel the emotions in the story, understand the emotions, learn to empathize, find a solution to the problem.
There are themes such as self-protection, bravery, self-confidence, honesty and trustworthiness, emotional management, politeness, friendship, sharing, self-improvement, and self-discipline. It can be said that the main emotional problems faced by children in growth are included.
When parents don't want to bother reasoning with their children, they read these books to their children. Children will understand themselves in the language of words.
There are 2-6-year-old children at home, and if you want to solve the child's emotional management problems and personality development, you can prepare a set of "Children's Emotional Management and Character Development Picture Book" for your child.
Emotion is a kind of ethereal thing, although it cannot be seen or touched, but it affects everyone.
Children's changes need time, to help children cultivate emotional strength is an ongoing process, as long as parents invest time and patience, the use of skills and practice, can help children adjust their emotions, let children know that they can have a choice, be the master of their emotions.
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